Kids Will Be Kids

/ April 4, 2008

How did Shiloh’s precious little tooth get chipped? The other kids beat her ass! Star Magazine reports that the Brangelina house is like…..well…like a house full of kids! They are always pushing at each other which sometimes leaves Shiloh with bruises. Jesus went through the same kind of thing. It’s hard a life being the chosen one.

According to this sourcie (Maniston), Zahara is the one holding the whip in the house. “She screams and shouts at the boys when she doesn’t get her way. Z once clawed Shiloh’s cheek after she tried to take her cookie. She’s always pulling on Shiloh’s hair so she can steal her food.

Angie Jo has become worried after Shiloh chipped her tooth from being knocked down. The source said that “she always comes back with a scraped knee or a fat lip!” Angie shouldn’t worry. Shiloh’s tooth will grow back and it will be made out of a diamond.

The source blames it on the junk food, pizza and the sugary crap the kids eat. That’s not the reason! Britney Spears eats that shit all the time and look at her……..wait…

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For Keeps

/ April 4, 2008

Molly Ringwald is coming back to television this Fall in a show for ABC Family. Molly will play the mother of a knocked up teenager and the show will follow them as they deal with her unexpected pregnancy. Um….why couldn’t they have just done a reality show star Jamie Lynn Spears? It would have been cheaper and filled with more pork rinds. Pork rinds can make any show!

Molly’s new show will also star John Schneider and Ernie Hudson.

This TV show has a “For Keeps?” tang to it. I would rather have a “Betsy’s Wedding” TV show. That movie blew my young mind away, because she wore a top hat to her own wedding. She so edgy!

Source: ET Online

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Tom Cruise Purple Is Not The Weed You Want In Your Bong

/ April 4, 2008

Tom Cruise Purple” does not sound like the good shit. Tom Tom’s people aren’t feeling the love for a new strain of medical marijuana named after him. Friends (aka Scientology hos) do not think it’s funny that licensed cannabis clubs are selling “Tom Cruise Purple” featuring a picture of Tommy laughing hysterically. A picture of that crazy bitch laughing is enough to send anyone reaching for the bong. Fuck, he makes me want to reach for the crackpipe!

Tommy’s lawyers told Rush & Molly they are taking a looking into the weed. One pothead said, “I heard it’s the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate.” Yup, that sounds about right.

It probably also makes you spend hours fingering your hole to “E.T.” the movie. As Tom Tom would say, the shit sounds “glib.”

Tom Cruise Purple sounds like the kind of weed you don’t want to mess with unless you want to two-step with Xenu.

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That Was It?!

/ April 4, 2008

I thank the voices in my head for talking me out of dragging my lazy ass down to NBC on this rainy day for the big New Kids on the Block reunion on “Today” this morning. That shit looks like it was put together with a few quarters from the change jar and a couple of pieces of chewed up Trident.

What the hell was with that rinky dinky ass stage?! I was hoping they were going to drop from the skies above like 5 angels from the 80s. No fireworks even! Shit, they could have at least had Meredith Vieira hold a sparkler! Instead, they were unveiled on some puppet show stage that looked like it was made by a group of 6-year-olds during long recess.

The crowd of 30-something women still seemed excited. Anyway, yes they announced their BIG reunion. I’m walking away with a bad taste in my mouth and no it wasn’t from last night’s business! This was some cable access bullshit! I wanted fanfare!

NKOTB announced they are back and will perform on Today next month. Yes, they went on the show to announce the date of their reunion. WTF! They could have at least broke into an a cappella version of “Tonight.” I mean….damn!

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