Carmen Electra Is The New Pamela Anderson

/ April 24, 2008

Carmen Electra will make Rob Patterson her third husband. Carmen has dated Rob, the former touring guitarist of Korn, for not even a year.

37-year-old Rob popped the question while they were celebrating her 36th Birthday in Las Vegas this past weekend. Her spokeswhore confirms it. Carmen also recently got an “R” tattoo behind her ear and it doesn’t stand for retarded.

A source told People that the ring “is a black diamond set in white diamonds.” When I hear the words “white diamonds,” I automatically think of Elizabeth Taylor’s commercial.Not so fast Tom Ryan!

Carmen was married to Dennis Rodman for less than a year and Dave Navarro for a little over 3 years.

Carmen is marrying the wrong snatch. We all know she belongs with Joan Jett.

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Jimmy To Replace Conan

/ April 24, 2008

Fox News claims Jimmy Fallon will take over for Conan O’Brien in 2009. Fox News’ friend of a friend of a friend said it’s a done deal. Conan is leaving “Late Night” to take over for Jay Leno in May 2009. Jay Leno may replace “Nightline” on ABC, pushing Jimmy Kimmel to 12:30am.

NBC will reportedly make the announcement during their fall ’08 presentation on May 11th or 12th.

Great. Another dude replacing another dude. Can we please get some vagina on late-night already!? This is why I watch Chelsea Handler on E!, but that bitch needs a bigger platform for her talents.

Jimmy Fallon is going to be just like he was on Saturday Night Live. He’ll be funny and interesting for the first few weeks and then most of us will be over it by week 5. More vagina on late-night! And Jay Leno doesn’t count, because he’s leaving.

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She Should Have Thought About That

/ April 24, 2008

17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is scared about giving birth to a real-life baby. A source told Star Magazine that Lynne Spears tried to ease Jamie Lynn’s fears by showing her a video of natural birth.

The source said, “She wanted to show Jamie Lynn what a woman goes through giving birth, that it’s a natural and beautiful thing, but all Jamie Lynn saw was the blood — or ‘goop,’ as she called it — the screaming and the pain. It was too graphic for her. She flipped out and literally got sick.

In Jamie Lynn’s defense, Lynne probably showed her a video of Brit Brit giving birth. That would make anyone blow chunks.

Jamie Lynn might skip the whole “baby coming out of vagina” thing and get a c-section instead. The source added, “She wants to be knocked out and then wake up when it’s all over.” Don’t we all?

Jamie Lynn should be looking forward to giving birth for one reason only: DRUGS!!! She can start with a little epidural followed by a morphine drip. Can they give you both at once? I should look into that.

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Together Again!

/ April 24, 2008

Tommy Girl’s crazy ass is returning to the Oprah show. Tommy hasn’t been on the show since 2005, when he freaked everyone out by declaring his fake love for Katie Holmes. Oprah’s fugly leather sofa-thing was never the same again after it was violated by Tommy.

MSNBC’s The Scoop reports that the show will most likely air during May sweeps. The focus of the show might be the 25th Anniversary of “Risky Business.”

Sources claim that other celebrities have been invited to the taping and it will be an “A-list affair.”

They better make Tommy Girl recreate “the tighty whities scene.” Even Oprah’s audience of middle-aged horny cougars won’t be able to contain their laughter.

Speaking of laughter. Tommy Girl’s cackle mixed with Oprah’s cackle will make us all certifiable.

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Supercalifragisexy?

/ April 24, 2008

If you haven’t heard Fuggie Fug’s song for the “Sex & the City” movie, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. If caca had a theme song, this would be it. I think listening to this song turned my allergies into leprosy. I don’t know what’s fucking worse? The lyrics, the music or her voice.

The SATC bitches should have saved their pennies and released this Fergie classic instead:

Don’t ask me about the clown. I think he was a child toucher. Kids Inc. dealt with the real issues.

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Afternoon Crumbs

/ April 24, 2008

Fishy caught in a net – Just Jared

Kiki Dunst is bringing the fug out of Ryan Gosling – Popsugar

Billie Piper is topless and possibly knocked up – Hollywood Tuna

Mischa Barton’s sex scene in a half-built house – Egotastic!

Ray J’s advice on picking up hos (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Heidi Klum is easy – IDLYITW

Willie Nelson & Snoop Dogg in Amsterdam – Cityrag

KKK at Girls Gone Wild – Hollywood Rag

Helen Hunt’s face is falling – A Socialite’s Life

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