Lies Lies Lies Lies

/ February 7, 2007

Teri Snatcher is denying rumors that she’s a fan of the botox and resylane. It has been widely reported that Teri’s taut face has been caused by several visits to the needle. She denies this claim.

She said, “I don’t use Botox or Restylane and I’ve never had any surgery, no matter what you’ve read.” That’s the one downside to fame – on any one day you can find loads of hideously mean things said about you online. [My friend] keeps threatening to put these computer child locks on my computer so I can’t torture myself. It hurts, you know?”

If she’s not using botox or anything like that then she must be using something really exotic. I’m thinking cobra sperm or skunk spit. She’s obviously doing something with that mug. Here’s Snatchers celebrating Felicity Huffman’s new book, “A Practical Handbook For Your Boyfriend.

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But We’ve Only Just Begun!!!

/ February 7, 2007

Isaac Cohen has dumped Britney Spears. Yup, shocking! Isaac apparently called Britney on Sunday night while she was in New York for fashion week and told her he’s over her hillbilly ass. Why didn’t he just text her?

Friends of Isaac say he was trying to get out of the relationship for a long time. What’s long? Two days? They were only together for like a quick minute. Isaac was also left caring for Brit’s teacup chihuahua, Snow White, while she was in NYC.

The source said, “It was a bit much for him. There was a lot of drama – it was too much of a whirlwind. It wasn’t one thing in particular. He likes her. They had a good time together. He was doing his best to help her out – but there is only so much one person can do.”

Isaac’s modeling agent confirms the split. To think I thought this was the one for Britney. Yes, he mooched off her ass and probably only put up with her thunder thighs, because she’s famous…but still. This hurts. She probably drowned her sorrow in ten gallons of Ben and Jerry’s.

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Naked Sundays for Xtina

/ February 6, 2007

Xtina tells Ellen Degeneres, in an episode that airs tomorrow, how she keeps her marriage to Jordan Ratman…I mean Bratman…alive. The newlyweds of one-year have something called naked Sundays.

She said, “A big whole year, we just celebrated our first anniversary and on Sundays we just do everything in the house and we’re just cozy and laid back, we don’t need to go anywhere we’re just with each other and have naked Sundays. We do everything naked. We cook naked.”

Cook naked? I’m all for romance, but I’m also all for not having pubes in my sketti. Unless they are both fans of the NADS, I’m not into that. Hell no. The only time I want to be pulling pubes out of my teefs is when I’m working the skin sausage if I ain’t being too subtle.

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