I give Heidi Fleiss an “A for effort” for trying to cover up her methface with a zillion plastic surgery procedures. Unfortunately, all the injecting and prodding has brought the meth out even more. Mega methface! Heidi is hoping to get the meth out of her life for good by joining the cast of “Celebrity Rehab 2” with Dr. Drew.

Heidi told Radar that filming begins the second week of June. She joked, “My dream is to be on Celebrity Rehab … how did I get so lucky? I have a substance abuse problem, and I want to deal with it. I will take it seriously. ” This will be Heidi’s fourth time at the rodeo. She said her problems are meth and Vicodin, “If I want my Vicodin I’m going to take my Vicodin. And if I want a little of that crystal meth.”

Heidi kept the jokes coming, “Rush Limbaugh‘s my idol, though. He takes 30 OxyContin a day and does that radio show.” She’s totally not joking.

Good luck to Heidi! You can take the meth out of the girl, but you can’t take the meth out of her face. Sadly…

I didn’t think I’d ever see Indiana Jones getting waxed, but here it is!

65-year-old Harrison Ford had his chest waxed to show the pain involved in deforestation. Harry, who is the vice chair of the global environment group Conservation International, invited Access Hollywood’s cameras in while he was stripped of his pepaw hair.

Harry hopes this will shock people into thinking green.

Getting your chest wax is child’s play. That feels like a massage compared to getting other shit waxed. He needed to get his nut and chode hair ripped off. That’s the kind of pain that will make you see the entire solar system. Your shit will see stars, planets, aliens, spaceships, all that shit!

You know Indy popped a boner when they ripped the strip off. He looks like a kinky motherfucker.

I am not laughing right now. This is obviously a cruel joke. E!’s Kristin is reporting that Hilary Duff has been offered one of the lead roles in the Beverly Hills 90210 remake. Excuse me while I find a baby pigeon to kick.

Hilary has reportedly been offered the role of Annie Mills. Annie is a Beverly Hills High student who is into theater and desperately wants to be accepted by the alternative crowd. She also has an adopted brother named Dixon. This role is believed to be the “Brenda Walsh” of the show. Do you hear that? It’s me screaming.

Why do the producers of 90210 hate me so much? Not only do they want to bring back Kelly instead of Brenda, but now they are going to do this to me?

Wash away the ugly thought of Hilary Duff as Brenda Walsh with this touching video tribute to Brenda and Dylan.

Phoebe Price was obviously busy shooting covers for German Vogue, Italian InStyle, Elle Antarctica and Neptune GQ, because she should have posed as Ariel in the new Disney Dream series. She is Ariel! PP has said it herself and she would NEVER tell a lie.

Oh well! Julianne Moore was gracious enough to take PP’s place as Ariel in The Little Mermaid portrait shot by Annie Leibovitz. Butterface Michael Phelps also posed a merman. I really hope he has a horse dick to match his horse face.

Julianne could have posed as Winnie the Pooh and I still would have loved it. The bitch is gold.

Amy Wino cried crack tears this morning as she left her home for the police station. I’m surprised the crackheads in her neighborhood didn’t try to lick those tears up. You know there’s some good shit in those tears. Anyway, Wino is expected to be arrested this afternoon in London for allegedly headbutting one dude and punching another while partying the other night.

Her spokeswhore said, : “Amy Winehouse will be voluntarily attending a London police station today by appointment with the police. We understand that she will be questioned in connection with an alleged incident in Camden in the early hours of April 23 2008.”

While Wino was busy with the cops, Blaaaake was in court today. The Daily Mail reports that he was talking to a blonde in the public gallery. He told the ho that he “loved her” and she said the same to him. The girl told reporters that she’s known Blaaaaake a long time.

I guess it was nice while it lasted, because the crackhead zombie known as Wino is going to rip out blondie’s heart with her teeth.

Blaaake’s trial begins June 2nd and could last six weeks. He was due to be released in May, but a judge ruled he will have to stay in the chokey until at least June 9th. Let the fun and games continue!

Today is definitely a screaming BLAAAAAAAKE day! She’s going to scream it when she gets arrested and she’s going to scream it when she finds out he’s in jail until June. BLAAAAAAKE! I’m screaming it for her.

Here’s some pictures of the crackhead zombie roaming the streets of London last night. That’s a face that could even make Satan cry.

It’s a tie!

No wonder Gary Coleman filed for divorce – bitch was cheating right on top of him. – The C Word

On the next Flavor of Love: Flav is forced to choose between Sarah Jessica Parker and Heidi Montag, but finds himself in over his head when their trainers wind up falling for each other… – Presto Dan

Runners-up:

Marcus happily realized that not only can you lead a horse to water, but you can put two dumb, pasty tourists on them and overcharge heftily. – Madam S

Winston realised he was stuck between a Cock and a Hard Face. – Andrew Milne

Source

Thanks Adrian