Chicken Cutlets Is Everywhere!

/ May 20, 2008

Phoebe Price should really consider moving to Cannes. They adore her there! They photograph her chicken cutlets every hour of the day. I’m not even posting half of the pictures they take of her. They can’t get enough of her! The French must love poultry.

PP crashed show up to another Angelina Jolie premiere at Cannes today. She already attended the Kung Fu Panda premiere last week. You know she totally swiped Angie’s itinerary. Well, PP is the next Angelina Jolie, so she’s just training for her inevitable future by following Angie around. Angie better watch her man. No man can resist the warm and salty taste of chicken cutlets.

And PP kept flashing two fingers to the paps while on the red carpet. Is she trying to do a peace sign? It looks more like she’s about to stick her tongue in between the V and make the “licking coochie” gesture. She’s directing that towards Angie. No woman can resist the warm and salty taste of chicken cutlets either.

Anyway, the poor fools that had to share the red carpet with PP during tonight’s “Changeling” premiere included Victoria Silvstedt, Sharon Stone and Dita Von Teese. Their beauty pales in comparison to the radiance of Phoebe Price!

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MiserAlba Is A Wifey!

/ May 20, 2008

Damn Cash Warren! He got MiserAlba on one of her off days when she was actually in a good mood. Cash somehow got MiserAlba to marry his sorry ass yesterday. MiserAlba’s spokesbitch confirms the wedding to People.

MiserAlba, 27, is currently expecting a baby girl with Cash, 31, this summer. The two met while filming “Fantastic Four.” They broke up for a short time and it was rumored that he cheated on her. Shortly after they got back together, she got knocked up.

I can’t wait till to see the wedding pictures! MiserAlba better have a frown on her face in at least one of the pictures! Cash will be smiling in every single shot, because he’s just won the lottery…..TWICE!

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Breaking! Shauna Sand Is Not Wearing Her Lucite Heels!

/ May 20, 2008

Shauna Sand can function without her exquisite lucite heels?! Say it ain’t so! Shauna without her lucite heels is like a stripper without her….um……lucite heels! This is sad.

And look at the tacky shit she replaced her gorgeous lucite heels with! They look like gardening shoes! Broke stripper gardening shoes. You know Shauna kept falling all over the place throughout the day, because she wasn’t wearing her main glamour source. Let this be a lesson to Shauna. She is nothing without her lucite heels and they are nothing without her!

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Asshole Wentz

/ May 20, 2008

Pete Wentz called into Ryan Seacrest’s show on KIIS-FM this morning to discuss his wedding and other boring stuff. Pete said that Ashlee “legally is a Wentz … I don’t know what she’ll do with her stage name, that’s up to her. She hasn’t decided that.” She should change her stage name to Big Fug Asshole. It has a better ring to it then Ashlee Simpson or Ashlee Wentz.

Pete also said they signed a pre-nup. Damn, he’s giving up all their business. I’m surprised he didn’t talk about their wedding night. That’s because they just flat-ironed each other’s hair and tried out new brands of eyeliner.

The newlyweds are also skipping a honeymoon for now. He said they are just hanging out in the basement, “We got some blow-up palm trees. A little fake-n-bake tanning booth.” They have no choice. Papa Joe locks them down there and only lets them come out for public appearances.

And when Ryan asked about the baby, Pete responded, “Ryan, this baby has not been confirmed. The only thing I’m confirming now is that we’re in the basement on our honeymoon with these blow-up palm trees.

Yup, she’s knocked up. And enough with this stupid basement! It sounds like hell down there anyway. Pete Wentz, his blow-up bride and a bunch of blow-up trees? No gracias.

Source: UsWeekly

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But What About The Wedding?

/ May 20, 2008

Sienna Miller is reportedly close to splitting up with her alleged fiance, Rhys Ifans. Sadness. I really wanted to see Sienna in a bohemian mess of a wedding dress. The reason for this lovely pair’s possible split? Jealousy! You see, Sienna loves partying and flirting with dudes and Rhys doesn’t like it.

A source said, “Rhys gets very jealous – he hates her socializing with other men and always wants to know where she is and who she’s with. During a row she yelled at him: ‘It’s just like being with Jude’. Rhys freaked out, because he prides himself on being the laid-back opposite of Jude. But he just gets worked up seeing men admiring his girlfriend and trying to hit on her.”

“Rhys still seems madly in love with her but everyone’s speculating Sienna has grown out of the relationship.”

Rhys seems like a lovely dude, but Sienna can’t help. She’s a hardcore slut through and through. I’m speaking from experience. You can’t change a slut’s spots. Seriously, you can’t, because a doctor hasn’t invented the right ointment yet. I’ve tried everything to fix my slut “spots.”

It sucks, because they really look lovely together. How often are you going to find someone that shares the same shade of Miss Clairol as you? Never!

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Lezzing Out In Cannes

/ May 20, 2008

I think I see tongue! Angelina Jolie shared a kiss on the red carpet with Clint Eastwood’s wife, Dina, in Cannes today. They are totally fucking. You know they have foursomes. Well, threesomes and Clint watches in the corner with a bag of Werther’s originals while wearing a heart monitor. I hope the unborn chosen ones covered their eyes and ears during this act of debauchery!

Here’s Angie, her leeeeesbian lover, Clint Eastwood and Brad at the “Changeling” premiere in Cannes. If you like Angie’s dress, you can probably find it in the “tent and shelters section” of your local camping supplies store.

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