Flycatcher Returns

/ May 23, 2008

Jessica Simpson is back in Los Angeles after spending a few days with her parents in Cabo. Jess, Papa Joe and Tina left for Mexico right after Asshole and Vagina got married. Tony Romo did not join them. Good move. Any reason to get out of seeing Papa Joe in a thong is a good reason. It’s also not fun watching Papa Joe grease up Jessica with tanning oil.

Notice Jessica’s Cowboys ball cap? This means they are sooooo together. Please. Jessica doesn’t even know what’s sitting on her head. Papa Joe plopped it on her before they get off the plane. He plops a lot of things on Jessica’s head without her knowing it.

Customs better check Jessica’s mouth for anything that might have flown into her gaping hole. She can’t keep that trap shut.

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It Was Research!

/ May 23, 2008

Eva Mendes checked her hot ass into Utah’s Cirque Lodge rehab facility last January for “personal issues.Star Magazine (via SF Gate) claims Eva was actually researching a film role. Eva plays a Spanish drug lord in the movie “Queen of the South.” Her character flees Mexico for Spain when her drug-runner boyfriend is murdered. Errr…..what does this have to do with rehab?

An acting coach told the magazine, “It’s not unusual at all for an actor or actress to go to the extreme of checking into rehab to prepare for a character. In fact, I would encourage that for my students, because you want to fully immerse yourself in the role.”

Nice try, Eva. If this is true, she checked herself into the wrong joint. The bitch really should have gone undercover in an acting school.

Hopefully, she’ll play Charles Manson in her next movie and check into prison for a long ass time in order to “research” the role.

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They’re Totally Doing It

/ May 23, 2008

Lindsay Lohan is making her “I eat that coochie” face. You know Lohan rubs her shitty upper lip all over that Ronson goodness. Hot. Anyway, Linds and Ronson left Diddy’s yacht party last night hand-in-hand. The Sun also has some pictures of the two cuddling and possibly kissing while on the boat. Click here to see them.

A witness at the party said, “They looked like proper lovebirds. And they didn’t care who saw them draped over each other. If they are together then it’s a nice vision of their love.

Aww….I hope it lasts forever, but it won’t. Lindsay’s a straight-up ho. She probably got a bad batch of dick, so she decided to try Ronson’s clit for a quick minute. Shit, I bet Ronson’s clit is bigger than most dicks. Lindsay is clitmatized!

My advice to Lindsay: If your chocha is happy, stick with Ronson. Dick is overrated……

……..I had you there for a minute. Dick is a beautiful thing, but I’d probably take the Ronson out for a spin. If she can satisfy a slut like Lindsay Lohan then she probably satisfy anyone.

I’m starting to love these two lesbos in love. They aren’t as hot as Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente, but who is?

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Speaking Of Couples Still In Love….

/ May 23, 2008

Denise and Charlie (see below) aren’t the only two attention whores blabbing to the media about their problems. Michael Lohan, the name alone makes me dry heave, has filed papers to reopen his divorce to White Oprah. Basically, Michael wants to see more of his kids and White Oprah isn’t making this possible.

He told Rush & Molloy, “If I was a maniac, I could understand it. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. I work, I go to the gym, I go home. I just want to see my kids.” He forgot to mention that he also spends most of his time slagging off White Oprah in the press. Oh and I’m pretty sure he’s a maniac. Any doctor will tell you I’m right.

Michael Lohan said White Oprah has missed 15 out of 29 visitation appointments. She’s been taking the kids everywhere from California to Las Vegas for her reality show. He went on to say, “She doesn’t care. She does what she wants.

Hmmm….I wonder how much White Oprah is paying Michael? She does have a reality show coming out on Monday and all press is good press. She’s totally paying him in creampies. Orange creampies.

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You’ve Heard This One Before

/ May 23, 2008

Amy Wino is going to rehab. You can unroll your eyes now. I’m with you. I’ll believe it when I see and then I still won’t believe it! The Sun reports that Wino is all set to travel to Israel and undergo a $13,000 operation to help kick her drug habit. She’s expected to check into the Barzilai Medical Centre following a request from her people.

Eliezer Cohen, the chairman of the Israel Anti-Drug Authority, said, “She has requested to come to him to do this method, since it’s a method that is suitable for her.

The doctor supposedly treating Wino thinks her problem is in the brains, “There is a misunderstanding about drug addiction. People think it is a social and psychological problem, but it’s a neurological problem.” Blah! I hope he’s performing a lobotomy, because that’s what it’s going to take.

However, Wino’s spokesbitch has denied the claim. He told the Telegraph, “She’s going back in the studio and has absolutely no plans to go abroad for treatment.

Translation: “She’s going to continue to be the biggest crackhead in the world!

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