Afternoon Crumbs

/ May 23, 2008

Cougar chichis!! – Egotastic!

The Jonas Brothers are the new Village People – Just Jared

Kim Kardashian sucks it in for Ralph Magazine – Hollywood Tuna

Asshole and Pete’s fuglymoon – Popsugar

Uma Thurman’s flat ass is at the beach (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

A tour of Tila Tequila’s tattoos. Bring protection – Cityrag

Bethany Hamilton’s one-armed lip gloss – Jezebel

Sheryl Crow goes to congress – A Socialite’s Life

ICYMI: The chick Shania’s husband dumped her ass for – IDLYITW

A close-up of Paula Abdul’s cleavage. Just because – Hollywood Rag

P.S. – Thanks to Entertainment Weekly for mentioning Dlisted in this week’s issue.

P.P.S. – Thanks to Logo for naming Dlisted the “Totally Most Raddest Sickest Blog Ever” at their NewNowNext Awards. Dlisted is also up for the audience award in the same category. Click here to vote if you give a half shit.

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Aunt Becky Better Watch It

/ May 23, 2008

Lori Loughlin talked to OK! Magazine about the upcoming “90210” and she really should have kept her mouth shut! When asked about Brenda Walsh returning to the show, Lori said, “I don’t think Shannen will. No. I don’t think anyone wants to touch that.

What does she mean by “touch that?” Touch greatness? Touch the best thing that happened to TV? She knows that if Brenda comes back, her days as the resident cougar on the show are numbered. And I used to like Aunt Becky….

Lori also said that she’s heard talk of Luke Perry making a cameo. She confirmed that Tori Spelling is making a tiny cameo in the pilot and that she may shoot more scenes after she gives birth. Gross and gross.

It’s not right, but it’s okay. Brenda will get her revenge in the end!

In the clip below, Brenda finds herself in the middle of a robbery at the Peach Pit. How did she not win an Emmy for this shit? Riveting!

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This Dude Has Had Sex With 1,000 Cars

/ May 23, 2008

CAR SLUT! Meet Edward Smith from Washington state. He claims to have romanced around 1,000 cars and he’s proud of it. Edward is pictured with his latest girlfriend, a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla. Vanilla is a slut. You can tell. Look at that way she’s fucking us with her eyes. No wonder Edward can’t keep his genitals off of her. She probably lets him do it in her exhaust pipe. WHORE!

He told the Telegraph, “I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change. I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.”

57-year-old Edward isn’t attracted to men or women. He only likes cars. It started when he was just 15 and it hasn’t stopped. He also doesn’t only fuck cars. His said his most “intense sexual experience” was with a helicopter from the TV show Airwolf.

Edward is not alone. He belongs to an internet forum for “car lovers.

This brings new meaning to the saying, “get her motor running.

Visit the Telegraph to read the entire interview and to learn about his other “girlfriends.

Thanks Delilah

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They Are So Sneaky

/ May 23, 2008

Pete Wentz told Ryan Gaycrest that he was spending his honeymoon with Asshole in the basement. Pete was lying. They had a honeymoon. They so sneaky! They act like people give a rat’s clitoris. Do rats have clits? Get back to me on that one. I’m too lazy to google.

Ass and Pete arrived in NYC last night from their Caribbean honeymoon. More like Cari-BEIN-UGLY!

And what in blue hell is Pete wearing? I didn’t know Gymboree carried hoodies in size douche.

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And The Oscar Goes To….

/ May 23, 2008

Here’s the Spanish-language trailer for Brad Pitt’s The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” Brad plays some dude who is born in his 80s and ages backwards. It’s sort of like The Lindsay Lohan story.

The movie was directed by David Fincher and also stars Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton, Julia Ormond, Taraji P. Henson, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Elle Fanning and Jason Flemyng. It hits theaters on December 19th.

I think I liked the music better when it was in “Edward Scissorhands.” Seriously, any movie with Tilda Swinton can’t be that hideous.

I’m sure Brad will win an Oscar for this shit, and then his Oscar and Angie’s Oscar can make babies. Shiloh will probably win an Oscar for this too even though I think she’s in it for like 1 second.

Get the trailer while it’s hot. It’s probably going to be pulled down soon, so click here if that happens.

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DT Twins Without A Nanny?

/ May 23, 2008

Call Supernanny! It’s an emergency. JLo and Skeletor’s nanny reportedly “abruptly left” in mid-April. I really hope nanny looked JLo square in the mink eyelashes and said, “I quit this bitch!” That’s really the only way to leave a job.

Usweekly (via The Scoop) reports that JLo has not hired another nanny, because she plans to raise the twins herself. Cut to a scene of the DT twins hanging from the chandeliers while JLo gets her 10th ass massage of the day.

A source told the mag, “They both told their managers that the next year would be all about family.

JLo taking a year off?! Did Pop Fiction get renewed, because this shit is obviously a joke.

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