Birthday Sluts

/ May 27, 2008

Joseph Fiennes (38)
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (2)
Harvey Price (6)
Andre 3000 (33)
Jamie Oliver (33)
Denise Van Outen (34)
Paul Bettany (37)
Todd Bridges (43)
Adam Corrola (44)
Peri Gilpin (47)
Sioxsie Sioux (51)
Cynthia McFadden (52)
Louis Gosset Jr. (72)
Lee Meriwether (73)
Christopher Lee (86)

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How Do You Say “Crazy Ass” In Japanese?

/ May 26, 2008

Brit & KFed 2.0 landed in Japan today and Mimi proudly showed off her wedding ring. The wedding ring she probably bought for herself! Nick is a smart dude though. He’s holding on to Mimi for dear life. Shit, he would be stupid to let go of his money. He should put a baby leash on her ass.

It was rumored that Mimi was planning a massive $4 million second wedding in NYC next month. Mimi laughed off the rumors by saying, “4 milly? On what? Cake?” Well, yeah. I’m sure a fairytale wedding cake covered in crystal butterflies and unicorns doesn’t come cheap.

You know, Mimi’s delusional ass looks happy and that’s all that matters. Ignorance is bliss!

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That’s What She Wants Us To Believe

/ May 26, 2008

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston have been keeping their relationship on the down low for at least three months prior to going public. That’s what Page Six claims. Jenny and John went public earlier this month, but a source said they have been dating for much longer than a month.

The source said, “They’d been keeping it under wraps and hiding out together on their dates. Then Jen realized it wasn’t just a fling and decided to take it public.” Let me guess, this source’s name is Emma Gellar? Emma was the name of Rachel and Ross’s baby on Friends. Why do I know this crap?

They’ve been together 4 months? That’s like 4 years in Hollywood time. They should already have a baby on the way, a wedding in the works and at least 3 break-up scandals under their belts. Get with the program, Jenny! Bitch needs to hire Papa Joe.

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Jess And Romo Are Still Fake Dating

/ May 26, 2008

That dude behind Tony Romo in the picture above is amazing. Waaasted. Too bad he didn’t yack all over Romo’s back. So….. Papa Joe’s fake love machine is still hard at work. Jessica Simpson and Romo were spotted having dinner at N9NE in Dallas reports the Dallas Morning News:

Saturday night, Tony and Jessica shared a corner booth for two at N9NE Steakhouse in downtown Dallas’ Victory Park. The couple said hello to Cowboys receiver/kick returner Isaiah Stanback who was dining at N9NE with his parents.

On the way out, Tony and Jessica stopped to say hello to another diner and play with her baby girl (foreshadowing?). For the record, Jessica had a steak and Tony had a burger.

She probably stuck the whole steak in her fat mouth too. You know this bitch eats with her mouth wide open with the meat flying everywhere.

In other news, I can’t believe I’m posting this inane shit. Papa Joe has gotten to me! His pr magic is working on me. Must resist. MUST.

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Brangie’s New Home Base

/ May 26, 2008

Brad Pitt and Angie Jo have emptied out their piggy banks to purchase a $60 million estate in the South of France. The 1,000 acre estate features 35 bedrooms, two swimming pools, two gyms, 20 fountains, a vineyard, a lake and moat. Damn! The only they are missing is a church where Brangaloonies everywhere can gather and worship Saint Angelina.

A source told E! News that the property is surrounded by a forest, so they will have complete privacy. They’ve already been moving shit in and have reportedly spent $1 million on furniture. The source said, “It’s called Chateau Miraval in a village called Brignol, which is near from Aix-en-Provence. And it’s absolutely unbelievable.” They should rename the joint, Fort Maddox.

So this is where Brangelina plans to grow and train their child army! You know that’s what they are doing.

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