Take off your earrings, put on your heavy rings, hide razors in your hair and grab your shank! Chicken Cutlets needs our help.

Last night, the International supermodel and Queen of Cannes was denied entry to the opening of a Howard Johnson in Rockford, Illinois. NO! It was the opening of a Chanel store on Robertson Blvd. in Los Angeles. Yes, she was denied. DEE-NIED! I’m surprised PP even knew what they were saying. I doubt she’s ever heard that word before. How fucking dare they! The audacity! Robertson is PP’s stroll. Those dumb ass whores need to recognize.

PP showed the paps the e-mail she made up herself she received from Chanel’s PR whores. You need to read this e-mail. It’s amazing. It lists all of PP’s accomplishments on one page. That shit should be like 600-pages. Shit, it should be a couple of volumes. PP’s resume is neverending!

She also posed in front of the D&G store instead. She really showed those bitches!

BOYCOTT Chanel! You won’t ever see me buying a $10,000 bag from Chanel. You wouldn’t see me buying one anyway, but at least I have a reason now.

I totally freaked out when I first saw this movie still of Bradley Pitt. It was probably the 10 cups of coffee I had this morning, but it could have also been that I thought it was a still from “Cool World.” Remember that mess of a movie? Young Brad Pitt with sexy hair and Kim Basinger as a cartoon slut. They don’t make shit like that anymore. Brad needs to keep the Vanilla Ice ‘do. It makes him look younger.

Anyway, below is the trailer for another one of Brad’s new movies. He has at least 10,000 movies coming out this year alone. This one is for The Coen Brother’s “Burn After Reading.” It stars George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand and yo mama. Everyone else is in it, so I’m sure yo mama has some sort of role in it.

Thanks Maritza

Pepaw on a slide! 91-year-old Kirk Douglas dedicates 400th playground – Celebitchy

The best and worst TV weddings. Donna and David’s wedding on 90210 as one of the best?! Whacked! – I’m Not Obsessed

Fishsticks Paltrow works out for 3 hours a day. If only she would spend 3 hours a day in acting class – ICYDK

Gillian Anderson is hot. Thanks to bright lights and Photoshop – Popoholic

One of the Hanson chicks had a baby – Celebrity Baby Scoop

A feeding frenzy for Larry Craig bobble-foots! – Towleroad

Perry Farrell’s dogs are huge and WTF is his ass wearing? – Jezebel

David Beckham has spent seven-figures on a California wine vineyard as a gift to his beloved shriveled snail, Posh Beckham. The Sun claims he bought that shit as a Barfday gift and the two plan to make wine. A source said Posh and Becks plan to keep their vom juice for themselves and friends, they aren’t planning on selling it.

A source said, “The Beckhams became wine buffs when he played in Spain. The vineyard went down a storm with Victoria. She was delighted.”

Please, you know Posh doesn’t drink that shit. Too many calories and fat grams. I know it doesn’t have fat in it, but Ginger Spice told her that to fuck with her. Posh will probably make her own calorie-free wine. Anovino! It will taste like a mixture of burnt flesh, Mickey Mouse sperm, stale silicone and fierceness. I can’t believe I just typed “fierceness.” Take my homo card away now.

OK! Magazine is reporting that a bunch of French hos are claiming that Angie Jo has blessed the world with her two new messiahs. French media outlets are saying she gave birth this past Sunday in a Catholic clinic in the Aix-En-Provence region of France. Catholic clinic? I’m surprised the joint didn’t explode from her intense holiness. Hmmm…I also didn’t feel the earth shake on Sunday. Must not be true.

The rumor is that Angie had her doctor flown in from California for this very special occasion. She had the Pope flown in too, I’m sure. She reportedly named them Isla Marcheline Jolie-Pitt and Amelie Jane Jolie-Pitt.

Dustin Hoffman recently said that Angie was due in August, but he could have just been blowing in our asses. Blowing in our asses without tongue! Rude.

I won’t believe it until Maddox shouts it from the hilltops. Yeah, right. He’s over this baby shit. He probably sits in the corner playing his Nintendo DS and rolling his eyes.

Brit Brit’s doctors and lawyers were in court yesterday and said she isn’t quite ready to deal with legal shit yet. One of her docs said he “wants to do additional testing in the not-too-distant future” on Brit. Her lawyer said that she can’t take part in legal proceedings or anything like that.

The Commish agreed and said, “Her medical condition remains the same. Though there has been changes in her medication, I think in terms of her diagnosis, it’s not complete.” No rulings were made, but the Commish approved a request for Daddy Spears to get more money per week in order to take his care of his daughter. Cha ching! He’s probably switching out her meds with frapp pills, so that he can continue to take that cash!

The Commish will review the situation June 17th. A trial has been set for July 31st to figure out whether to get rid of the conservatorship or extend it. Ugh. This legal shit hurts my already hurting brain.

They should just let Brit’s weave testify. I’m sure it can walk and talk by now.

Seriously, I thought she was getting better? Fooled! She needs to stop working and spend her days vegging out in a La-Z-Boy. La-Z-Boys are so fucking fugly, but sitting in one for a few hours solves all problems.

Source