Not King Kong!

/ June 1, 2008

Universal Studios is currently on fire and LAist reports that the King Kong ride has been destroyed. NOOOO!!! I lost my virginity on that ride. Not really, but it would have been really sad if I did. The fire also completely murdered the New York Street, Courthouse Square and Hill Valley. The video vault is on fire and the plastic from the video archives containers is what’s causing that nasty ass black smoke.

The fire started sometime between 4:30-4:45 this morning. TMZ reports that there’s no reports of boo boos and fire hos are currently trying to figure out how this shit started.

The MTV Movie Awards is set to take place at Universal today. The fire has not affected that shit and Marc Malkin reports that the awards show will go on as planned.

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Hot Slut Of The Week: Sonia From Operación Repo

/ June 1, 2008

Birthday: ?
Age: 45
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: May 25, 2008
Claim to Fame: Sonia stars in the reality show “Operación Repo.” I’m pretty sure they only show this shit in California. The show follows repo dudes and chicks in Southern California. Sonia is the manager!

Where is he now? Rumors has it that they are currently shooting “Operación Repo: The Movie.” YES! Sonia on the big-screen.

Why is he HS of the Week? She’s a cholita from the dark side. Enough said.

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Sarah Larson Forges On!

/ June 1, 2008

George Clooney’s mannequin call girl is on her own now that he’s cancelled his lease with her. Sarah Larson put on a brave face to attend the opening of Palms Place Hotel in Vegas last night. Scratch that. Her brave face is her only face. That shit don’t move. It takes a skilled wax artisan a couple of hours to give the ho a different expression.

Yes, Sarah was a guest at last night’s party. The ho better not get too comfortable because she’ll be back to serving Jello shots in a bikini next week.

Verne Troyer and Constantine Mouralis were also at the party. Sarah better have turned up the charm to snag one of these eligible bachelors. Although, I don’t know if she can handle Connie’s magnet stare. That shit could melt her wax ass.

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Linda Hogan’s Got Moves

/ June 1, 2008

Why didn’t the glass break?! Why?! I would think that Linda Hogan’s fugly mug is capable of breaking even the strongest glass. Even the weight of their desperation didn’t break that shit.

Linda Hogan and her 19-year-old boyfriend must have brought on the dry heaves with their dirty dancing moves at last night’s opening party for the Palms Place Hotel in Las Vegas. And yes, he’s 19. NINETEEN. If he’s 19 then I’m an embryo. His body looks like it’s been affected by 20 years of intense beer bonging.

Hulk Hogan is dating a Brooke look-alike, so Linda might as well too. You know Brooke looks like Linda’s man toy without the make-up, fake hair and a few days of not shaving.

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Why Is She Still With Him?

/ June 1, 2008

The coffee might have not kicked in yet, so it could just be me, but something is off about these pictures of Demi Moore. The woman is usually the hottest cougar in the room. Ashton Kutcher’s fugness is probably reflecting onto her. He’s slowly sucking the hot (thanks to $500,000 worth of plastic surgery) out of her. It’s divorce time. When someone starts fucking with your looks, the marriage is over.

I still don’t know what she sees in his hairy ass (and you know that shit is hairy). Seriously, he probably poops out hair balls. I know the woman isn’t dickmatized. Ashton totally has taquito dick. It’s short, skinny and full of cheese.

Wait….is 45-year-old Demi knocked up? Ack! She sort of has that pregnant bloat. Well, she can’t do much worse than the first batch.

Here’s coyote boy and Demi at the 7th Annual Chrysalis Butterfly Ball last night.

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Angelina Jolie Will Shoot Your Ass

/ June 1, 2008

The picture above is from that movie “Wanted,” so some of those tats aren’t real. I know you bitches will argue about that shit, so I’m just letting you know. Anyway, I thought Angie Jo was all about Kumbaya shit. Bitch is not as peaceful as she makes herself out to be. She told the Mail on Sunday that they keep guns in the house and she’s not afraid to use them.

She said, “If anybody comes into my home and tries to hurt my kids, I’ve no problem shooting them.” Damn. The bitch doesn’t need to worry! I’m sure Maddox could beat some ass Bruce Lee-style. The other kids will join in. They are like those bad kids from “Hostel.” Zahara and Pax will hold you down while Maddox shows you what’s what. Shiloh will record it for YouTube.

Angie went on to say, “I bought original, real guns of the type we used in Tomb Raider for security. Brad and I are not against having a gun in the house, and we do have one. And yes, I’d be able to use it if I had to. I could handle myself. I think there are certain combat skills that would come out. I tend to want to throw an elbow. I don’t know why. I’ve learned all the punches, head butts and kicks – yet getting someone with my elbow is my first instinct. I think it’s good for anybody to learn a skill when it comes to fight training – be it kung fu, boxing or kick-boxing – because self-defence is important. Brad and I want our kids to learn it. They’re going to get into a fight some day, so they might as well learn how to take care of themselves.”

There’s a side to me that people know is humanitarian, and there’s a side to me that’s a mummy. But there’s also the side that likes to get down and dirty and run and jump around and fire guns. I don’t want to lose touch with that.”

Whatever happened to hugging it out and holding a UN peace meeting to discuss your differences?

Angie doesn’t need to keep guns in the house. If someone messes with her ass, she just has to reveal her hypnotic vagina and the intruder will instantly be stunned. Gazing into Angie’s vagina is like gazing into Medusa’s eyes.

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