Wentworth Miller (36)
Brooke White (25)
Fabrizio Moretti (28)
Justin Long (30)
Nikki Cox (30)
Wayne Brady (36)
Dana Carvey (53)
Dennis Haysberg (54)
Lasse Hallstrom (62)
Stacy Keach (67)
Sally Kellerman (71)

I just sat (and drank) through 2 hours of the shit show known as the MTV Movie Awards. Alien Princess RiRi looked as about excited as I was during the whole show. Did you see her straight-up “bitch” face the entire time? I think she was sitting near Wonky McValtrex, so she could have just been smelling her stank.

It was all worth it though. Johnny Depp and his lesbian bike messenger haircut made it worth it. He won a couple of awards for being a sexy whore or something like that. He also spoke in some creepy accent. Who cares though? I won’t have to listen to his accent when I’m sitting on his face. Seriously, I would kick kittens while sitting on his face if that’s what he wanted.

And since I’m a buzz killer, here’s some pics along with Tommy Girl. If I don’t add a little bit of fugness to this post, it will explode from the sheer hotness of Johnny Depp. Tommy Girl presented Adam Sandler with some stupid award. Tommy only wanted to be there because he heard Zac Efron was in the house. You know Tommy wants to work that femme over.

Licking SamRo’s gigantic clit agrees with Lindsay Lohan. Ok, I don’t know for a fact that SamRo is hung in the clit department, but I have a feeling. She has that cocky smirk about her. Anyway, Lezzy doesn’t look like a 45-year-old cocktail waitress for once. She looks like a 35-year-old cocktail waitress. Hey, that’s an upgrade!

Here’s Lezzy at tonight’s MTV Movie Awards. Is she wearing suede napkins? I also hope she’s wearing squirrel covers under there, because a slight wind will expose SamRo’s favorite box of peppers.

As soon as I finish this cocktail, I’m going to enroll into weekend online law school! Phoebe Price needs vindication and I feel I’m the only one that can properly represent her. You see, on Friday I posted a sad story about PP getting DEE-NIED from the opening of the Chanel store in Los Angeles even though she was invited. She has the e-mail to prove it! A total tear jerker.

Well, Chicken Cutlets told TMZ that she’s planning to sue Chanel if she doesn’t get an apology by next week. She also wants the “PR girl” that denied her, fired. Fuck that! I want that dumb bitch PR girl sent to death row! What she did to PP was a sin and a crime! PP is a fire angel sent from the chicken cutlet heavens to bless this world with a little glamour! That PR cunt hurt an angel!

Like she says on the video, PP is from the south where people are nice and sleep with their first cousins. Ok, she didn’t say that last part. I was joking! Damn. It’s the Ketel One talking.

Hear PP’s cry below:

Yves Saint Laurent died today in Paris at the age of 71. His close friend, Pierre Berge, confirmed his passing and would only say he died this evening after a long illness. He did not give any other details.

Yves retired from haute couture in 2002.

Sad.

Source: AFP

I know Asshole’s the one carrying eyeliner baby, but Jessica looks like she’s holding something too. That dress from the Angelina Jolie maternity collection isn’t helping either. Seriously, Jess is the knocked up one and Ass is just pretending. Pete Wentz’s vagina jizz can’t make a baby! If Asshole’s baby doesn’t have a chin that sweeps the floor, we’ll know who the real daddy and mommy is.

In other Ass news, UsWeekly reports that she’s postponed her summer concer tour. Her rep said, “After careful consideration, Ashlee Simpson has decided to postpone her summer tour. She is committed to giving her fans the best show possible, and will be back better than ever and ready to rock in the future.”

Summer concert tour? Papa Joe is delusional! Where the hell was she planning on playing? Mini-mall parking lots and middle school cafeterias? The dumb bitch couldn’t sell out my bathroom. Besides, there’s already enough stinky shit in there. Badum-ching!