Bonnaroo Does Not Like Kanye West

/ June 16, 2008

The always polite and considerate, Kanye West, pissed off the crowd at the Bonnaroo Musical Festival in Tennessee because his set started two hours late. Kanye and Wino (see below) were busy with a riveting game of Connect 4. The AP reports that Kanye was scheduled for 2:45am, but he didn’t go on until 4:25am.

The two hour delay was blamed on Kanye’s massive set. The crew had to put together some gigantic Star Trek spaceship shit or something and that’s what took so long.

The audience did not approve of the delay and some of them started throwing glow sticks at the stage and shouting “Kanye Sucks!” Glow sticks?! Ravers gone wild! Kanye seriously fucked with their Ecstasy roll and they did not appreciate that. Other whores decided this shit was too late for them, so they shuffled off to sleepy time.

When Kanye finally took the stage, he didn’t say shit about being late and didn’t apologize. Halfway through his set, most of the crowd ditched his ass to become one with their sleeping bags.

I don’t think Kanye even knows how to pronounce the words, “I”m sorry.” It doesn’t compute.

And I’m sorry, but 4:25am?! You know the crowd was filled with a bunch of crackheads who could care less if Kanye was on stage or Marie Osmond was on stage.

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Wino Did Good (Sort Of)

/ June 16, 2008

Some eccentric Russian billionaire with a lot of money to burn paid Amy Wino $2 million to “perform” at the opening of his girlfriend’s gallery in Moscow. Surprisingly, Wino got on the plane in London! It’s a miracle! When they arrived in Moscow, a source told Rush & Molloy that she was in “no condition” to perform.

Oh! That’s how Wino always is. Just give her a quick bump, splash some ice-cold holy water on her face and tell her Blaaaake loves her or something like that. Wino was scheduled to take the stage at 10:30pm, but it took her whores at least 2 hours to get her hair together. They had to feed her crackhive and rock it to sleep, so it wouldn’t bother anyone during the show.

Wino finally stumbled onto the stage at 12:30am. She managed to get through the whole show. She drank Coke (a-cola), smoked on ciggies and gave the front row an extra show. A show you never want to see. Wino wasn’t wearing panties and her short dress kept exposing her crackgina. I think the people that were forced to look at that are still recovering in ICU.

The source said her “singing was a little wobbly.” What the hell did they expect? Celine fucking Dion? You ask for Wino and you’re going to get the voice of a possessed cat with a little heroin shake thrown in there.

Wino did a good job! She should reward herself with an ice pop and a battery acid facial.

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Forget Matt Dillon!

/ June 15, 2008

What about the sexy hunk sleeping behind him?! That’s who the paps should be shooting. Wait…maybe the dude is dead. Naw, he’s just taking a little kitten nap on those luscious chichis of his. Matt Dillon is too vain to realize the raw hotness behind him.

I also can’t tell if Matt has pecs or moobs underneath that shirt. Either way, I’d still motorboat.

Here’s Matt and sleepy sexy hunk in NYC the other day.

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