How’s The Wino Doing This Morning?

/ June 17, 2008

Camden is still without their main crackie this morning. Amy Wino went to the hospital yesterday after she “fainted” in her house. Her spokesbitch said that she’s still in the hospital after preliminary tests have proved “inconclusive.” Probably because every time they go to take blood for testing, the needle melts. They should try and take some blood from her crackhive. It looks like it has strong veins.

Her bitch went on to tell The Sun that further testing on Wino must be done before she’s released. That’s a lot of fucking testing. They are probably trying to figure out how it’s possible for someone’s veins to be completely filled with crack, heroin and delicious ice pops!

Hopefully, they will soak her hand in a tub of Oxy and bleach while she’s in there. Her claw looks like it came from the grave.

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Bunny War!

/ June 17, 2008

Unfortunately, this is not a post featuring cute pictures of little, furry bunnies dressed as soldiers with plastic guns. This is about a different bunny. A bunny with yellow polyester hair, robot eyes and fake chichis. The Playboy bunny! TMZ reports that it’s war between Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson of “The Girls Next Door.” A source said that everyone on the set of the show hates Holly, especially Kendra. Can’t the robot and the dyke just get along?!

Holly and Kendra are fucking up shoots since they fight all the time. Producers are getting sick of trying to film around it. Uh….what’s wrong with filming the fight itself! Who doesn’t love a good bunny fight. Throw them in a cage with a couple of carrots.

Holly who is Hef’s #1 bunny has even started showing her dick around the magazine. She apparently wants more and more editorial control and longtime employees are not having it.

The other bunny, Bridget, tries to keep the peace. Yeah, popping pills every 5 minutes can do that to a person.

Holly needs to stop the fighting and start the plotting! This bitch should be knocked up with Hef’s spawn by now! She doesn’t have much time before he goes off to the great, big bunny field in the sky. She should be trying to get oil out of his dry well, not fighting with Kendra’s fake hip-hop ass.

I say, send them all back to wear they came from, the day-shift at Hooters!

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Birthday Sluts

/ June 17, 2008

Barry Manilow (65)
Venus Williams (28)
Paulina Rubio (35)
Michael Showalter (38)
Jason Patric (42)
Greg Kinnear (45)
Thomas Haden Church (48)
Bobby Farrelly (50)
Joe Piscopo (57)

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Chicken Cutlets Is A Laker Girl

/ June 16, 2008

International supermodel sensation Phoebe Price was gracious enough to bestow a little chicken cutlet glamour to the Lakers vs. Celtics game last night. How does she find the time to stand outside of arenas and pose for pictures? You know she probably didn’t go inside. She just went back to her car and then drove to Arby’s for dinner. I’m joking! PP was probably guest of honor! She’s a good luck charm and thanks to her, the Lakers won. Whatever that means.

Wait, shouldn’t PP be at the prestigious offices of her high-powered litigation management team discussing the upcoming trial of the century against Chanel?! PP! Stop entertaining your public and start working on clearing your good name!

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