The National Enquirer is reporting that 17-year-old Jamie Lynn is going to pop out a baby sometime tomorrow. Sources tell them that she had an ultrasound last week that showed her baby may be in the breech position, so the docs decided to schedule her c-section for tomorrow.

Brit Brit, Daddy Spears and the rest of the clan is currently in Kentwood.

I’m a little disappointed to hear that JL is going to give birth in a hospital. I was secretly hoping she would go into labor in the middle of Piggly Wiggly. That would be poetic.

Casey and Jamie Lynn are reportedly having a girl. They are planning to name her a combination of both their names, Cailynn or Cassie. Boring. If they are going to go that route, they should give her a spicier name like Jaca or Seymie.

And everything will be fine now that Brit Brit is there! Jamie Lynn will pop out a healthy baby Jaca and everyone will celebrate over possum fritters and Budweisertinis.

Image: INFDaily.com

According to Time Magazine, something called “elder porn” is currently the rage in Japan. Quick! Somebody get on the next flight to Tokyo and bring me back some of these treasures. I would do a google search, but I don’t want to put my computer through that kind of trauma. It’s already been through too much.

Anyway, Time spoke to 74-year-old Shigeo Tokuda, one of the biggest stars in elder porn. Shigeo is not his real name because his wifey and kids have no idea that he’s a porn star. Shigeo has starred in more than 350 movies in the past 14 years. Jenna Jameson doesn’t have shit on this pepaw.

Shigeo’s movies have become best sellers for Glory Quest, the porn company he works for. The PR bitch for Glory Quest explained why elder porn is so successful for them, “If we only make standard fare, we cannot beat other studios. There were already adult videos with Lolitas or themes of incest, so we wanted to make something new. A relationship between wife and an old father-in-law has enough twist to create an atmosphere of mystery and captivate viewers’ hearts.” Their hearts? I think it’s captivating something a little lower than their hearts. Like their bowels.

Shigeo said that he plans to work as long as they continue casting him, “People of my age generally have shame so they are very hesitant to show their private parts, but I am proud of myself doing something they cannot. That doesn’t mean that I can tell them about my old-age pensioner job.”

Unfortunately, Time didn’t ask the hard-hitting questions. We all want to know how big the dick is and how does he keep it up? I’m guessing it looks just like a turtle head and he rubs a little wasabi on the tip to keep it going.

Thanks Samara

Last night on “America’s Got Hoff Talent,” Derrick Barry did Brit Brit Spears better than she does herself. Brit Brit should seriously consider hiring this bitch to be her doppelgänger. She can sit at home, eating Cool Ranch Doritos nachos while he does all the shit she doesn’t want to do. He can take care of her kids, badly lip-sync during performances and take regular showers for her. Actually, nobody would ever buy it, because he’s hotter than her ass!

VIA ONTD

Lance Armstrong and Snow White’s missing dwarf are still going strong. She needs to reward herself with a huge scoop of bubblegum ice cream, because this is turning out to be one of her longest relationships. His too. I hope they get in hours of fuckey fuckey times, because their expiration date is nearing!

Should we even bother giving them a couple name? Yeah, why not? I’m thinking NutKat or StrongSon. Both of those sound like gay leather bars. Perfect!

Here’s Lancey and Kate leaving dinner in NYC last night.

A hot reader just sent in Shauna Sand’s yearbook picture from Muirlands Junior High School in La Jolla, CA. Who knew that girl would grow up to become one of the most ravishing beauties in the world! It’s amazing what a little Clorox, hair relaxer, moustache wax and a pair of exquisite lucite heels can do!

I am still in shock at the sudden loss of an American icon (see below). Luckily, the stunning goddess known as Shauna Sand is here to help us through this trying time.

The regal beauty will advise us from her lucite diaphragm throne. Seriously, I think that’s a giant diaphragm. She would probably just tell us to put on some elegant lucite heels and strut down Robertson Blvd. If only it was that simple.

Here’s the poster child for everything elegant getting her polyester tresses tended to yesterday.