Obviously, the people at virgina slims knew what they were doing when they hired the marlboro cowboy to add a ‘lil “butch” to their ad campaign. –urmomma

Runners-up:

Someone get Shirley McClaine off the streets again. – hollatyourgirl

Well I got darn’d one up better n you on that and yer dangd dinkle. I let ole Les have a whiz on my caramello machiottii fandangled new drank theyz servin up at that yonder fancy shmancy new Starbucks coffee shop. – Hoozer

Source

Thanks ReeRee

Ilan Mitchell-Smith – Wyatt from “Weird Science” – He’s a professor of medieval studies now!

Nicole Kidman (41)
Rebecca Loos (30)
Twiggy Rodriguez (37)
Josh Lucas (37)
Robert Rodriguez (40)
John Goodman (56)
Lionel Richie (59)
Tina Sinatra (60)
Bob Vila (62)
Anne Murray (63)
Brian Wilson (66)
Stephen Frears (67)
John Mahoney (68)
Danny Aiello (75)
Martin Landau (77)
Olympia Dukasis (77)

Nicole Richie needs to stop stealing hot shit from my abuelita’s closet. Nicole is trying sooo hard to look like a middle-aged housewife from the 70s who swings with her husband on the weekends, but she’s starting to look like Rachel “Chupacabra” Zoe and you know those two twats despise each other. They probably put “chunky” spells on one another.

Anyway, here’s Dorthy Zbornak Roper Endora at a Cartier event last night. Fuggie Fug also wore a frock that would look better as a picnic tablecloth. Seriously, laminate that shit and put some friend chicken on it.

I also threw in some pictures of Common to add a little hotness to this post full of fug.

PROGRAMMING NOTE: I’m about to get on a flight to Vegas for a mini-vacay, so this might be my last post of the day. I’ll try and post something later, but you know how I am. My body will probably drag me to the nearest bar and you should always listen to what your body says. Also, Friday, Saturday and Sunday will be light posting days for me. I’ll be back to my regular schedule on Monday. That’s if I don’t get arrested for trying to do sexy times with Liberace’s wax statute. It’s possible!

Woe is JLo. All she wants in the world is to be a good mother to her Dragon Tales Twins. Well, that and she really wants a castle made out of diamonds, bronzer and animal fur. Anyway, a source told Closer Magazine (via Showbiz Spy) that JLo thinks nothing she does is good enough for her twinsies.

The source said, “Jennifer wants to be the perfect mother, but she crumbles if any normal little thing goes wrong. If the twins cry, she thinks it’s because she’s a bad mom, and bursts into tears herself. Marc had to sit her down and make her understand that she’s a good mom and it’s normal for babies to cry.”

In JLo’s defense, the DT Twins are probably only bursting into tears when Skeletor is around because they think he’s going to devour their souls.

And PLEASE! Who the hell is this source?! They really want us to believe that JLo cries and also that she spends time with the DT Twins? The pr bitch she hired to make her look like mother of the year (No offense, White Oprah) is working overtime. From the picture above to the story about how she fired her nannies to this story! That pr bitch deserves a gold star.

The “source” goes on to say, “Marc is concerned that she’s not eating properly or sleeping because she’s obsessed with looking after the twins. If she leaves them with her own mother for a couple of hours to have some time off, she beats herself up about it and feels guilty. Marc has forced Jen to take some time off and have a massage to unwind, but she even struggled to relax during that. He wants her to stop worrying abut the kind of mother she’s being and just enjoy it.”

The laughs never end! I can’t wait to hear the story about how JLo changes diapers. I mean, she doesn’t even change Skeletor’s diaper! Why would she change the diapers of her own baby?!

We already have 10 million reality shows featuring boring ass celebrities, why not add another one to the pile?! TV Guide reports that Janet Jackson will develop a new show for MTV. Janet will search churches, YMCAs and places like that to find the next big music star. She better search strip clubs too. There’s some mighty fine talent in those joints.

The show will be shot in the next few months, before Janet goes off on her world tour.

Okay, I’m all for this as long as Troll Dupri co-stars in this mess! He’s one of my favorite trolls, because he looks friendly and cheery. Not like those evil Olsen trolls! Troll Dupri looks like he’ll dance a jig for you on command and rub your belly with his bald head when you’re feeling down.

And LaToya Jackson better serve as the dance captain and stylist. If Janet doesn’t involve Troll Dupri or LaToya in this shit, it’s going to blow-o. Shit, it’s going to blow anyway!

Here’s Janet and Troll Dupri at some Cartier event last night.