It’s been a long ass time since I’ve done a “Panty Creamer of the Day,” but I felt that Ryan Gosling’s hotness was deserving of the title. Usually, I don’t go for this kind of bland bitch, but I don’t know what it is about him. He’s a sizzling piece of bacon on a stack of hot maple-syrup covered pancakes. Yes, I know he’s Canadian.

Here’s Ryan buying me something special in West Hollywood yesterday.

Excerpts from Christopher Ciccone’s tell-all on his sister Madonna are slowly being leaked. The book is supposed to be filled with “explosive” shit from Vadge’s life, but so far it sounds about as explosive as a boiled carrot.

So far, the only interesting story is about Vadge and Fishsticks Paltrow tongue fucking at a party. According to Christopher, Vadge was dancing on top of a table at Donatella Versace’s New Year’s Eve party when she dragged Fishy up to join her. Suddenly, Vadge grabbed Fishy and kissed her on the mouth. Puke city! I’m sorry, but I do not like dried-up raisins with my fishsticks.

It’s surprising that Fishsticks didn’t end up in the emergency room. Vadge’s buff ass tongue probably knocked half of Fishy’s teefs out of her mouth. Seriously, Vadge’s tongue could beat Floyd Mayweather, Jr. in a boxing match.

La Pequeña better submit her newest video to Oscar voters, because this is some award-winning shit! This lil’ bitch channels Ingrid Betancourt and everything in this YouTube is top-notch! La Pequena broke the bank with this masterpiece. You know this shit was directed by Steven Spielberg.

I had no idea who Ingrid Betancourt was, so I wikied this ho:

Ingrid Betancourt Pulecio is a Colombian-French politician, former senator and anti-corruption activist. Betancourt was kidnapped by the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC) on February 23, 2002, and rescued from captivity six and a half years later in Operation Jaque, along with 14 other hostages (three Americans and 11 Colombian policemen and soldiers), by Colombian security forces on July 2, 2008, who tricked the FARC into believing they were a leftist non-governmental organization.[2][3]

In all, she was held captive for 2,321 days after being taken while campaigning for the Colombian presidency as a Green. She had decided to campaign in an area of high guerrilla presence in spite of warnings from the government, police and military not to do so. While her kidnapping received media coverage worldwide this was particularly so in France due to her dual French citizenship, and the government of France participated as a facilitator for the release of Betancourt and all prisoners held by the FARC guerrillas.

DAMN! I’m telling you, the Best Actress Oscar has been wrapped up. Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore and all those other weepy ass hos better have their movies pushed back to 2009, because they are done. La Pequeña is taking it. The Academy will have to make a special mini-Oscar for her hot ass.

Shit, even Hilary Duff is going to be nominated for her contribution.

Seriously though, it took me a while to realize La Pequeña wasn’t playing Bindi Irwin.

Thanks Dan

Did my nemesis CHERYL BURKE not get my message?! Bitch is not allowed to go outside during “Dancing with the Dumb Whores'” off-season! She’s just fucking with me and I don’t like it one bit. Look at her smiling at the camera and acting like everything is okay. Skank needs to cover up her deep fried Cinnabon ass and stay indoors!

I swear, this moppy-headed whore is putting me on the fast track to the looney bin. If she keeps it up, my friends and family will find me in the bathroom with glazed eyes, clutching a dirty mop head while muttering, “cherylburkecherylburke….cherylburke….cherylburke...”

Memaw Omkari Panwar – The world’s oldest mommy. 70-year-old Omkari gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl, in India after taking IVF treatment. Omkari and her husband have two daughters and five grandchildren, but they were really desperate to have a boy, so they spent their savings and took out a loan for IVF treatment. She delievered two months early via c-section. Yeah, her vagina is retired.

Omkari said, “We already have two girls but we wanted a boy so that he could have taken care of our property. This boy and girl are God’s greatest gift to us.”

Source

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