FYI, That’s not Tecate The Empress of Lucite is drinking. Shauna Sand made one of her many assistants fill an empty Tecate bottle with Dom Pérignon. The always gracious natural beauty doesn’t want the peons around her to feel threatened by her luxurious tastes. Shauna is truly a humble saint.

Shauna graced the crowd of four people at the after-party for “No Bad Days” last night. I’m relieved to see that she’s back to wearing her signature fine crystal heels. It’s also nice to see Shauna without much make-up on. Seriously, she’s barely wearing any! That’s how beautiful she is. And that’s not lip liner she’s wearing, Shauna’s lips naturally look like that.

International supermodel and big-screen star Phoebe Denise Price also took time out from her busy schedule of posing with weekly magazines to attend the party. How the room didn’t explode from the supreme elegance radiating off of PP and Shauna is beyond me.

Do not listen to Chris Martin! Naming your baby Chewbacca is not ok – Holy Moly!

Note to Brooke Hogan: Don’t attempt the sexy – Popoholic

Crypt Keeper King gets his own street – Mollygood

The Hogan trash bags are still at each other – Celebitchy

Silly string bukkake – SOW

Kiki Dunst with some nerd – I’m Not Obsessed

Steve Carrell saves Anne Hathaway – ICYDK

The other day, some hot bitch reader sent me a picture of a pack of panties from the 99 Cent store with Mischa Barton on the cover. Well, the good hos at ONTD posted two more treasures from the dollar store. Although, that Angelina Jolie massage hoop is more than a dollar.

Now I don’t know what the fuck a “weist” is, but I’m sure mine needs to be thinner. That hoop looks more like a cock ring than an exercise device.

Below is also an “MP34” player with Stepford Katie on the box. That digital player is probably what’s being used to run her robot ass.

“Mary-Kate seriously needs to get to rehab, but she doesn’t think she has a problem. She thinks she’s young, hip and entitled to live her life as she sees fit. But it’s affecting everything.” That’s what some inside source told Star Magazine. Why do inside sources always talk like entertainment reporters? Young and hip? Ew.

The source claims MK is one messy troll and that she’s been partying all the time and binge drinking. Okay, “binge drinking” for her is probably like two sips of a beer a night. Seriously, that tiny troll totally gets drunk from just sniffing rubbing alcohol.

The source also said MK visited some holistic spa to detox, but that didn’t stop her partying ways. Of course not! Detoxing is just to prepare yourself for the next round of binge drinking. Drop and reload!

Now I don’t know if this messy troll needs rehab for booze problems, but she should seek help for wearing those Arthur the Aardvark sunglasses in public.

P.S. – I love the picture of Tommy Girl with Xenu handles. It gives John Travolta something to hold on to while he’s riding that alien pony into the next dimension.

It was just another day in the life of our little Crack of Camden yesterday. Wino started out on a high note by visiting the rehab clinic. However, it all went downhill from there. Right after she left the clinic, she dropped into a few pubs for her liquid breakfast, lunch and dinner. The night ended with Wino slapping at her own bodyguard! WTF?! This crackieho doesn’t even know who she’s bitch slapping anymore.

In addition to crack slapping her own bodyguard, some dude claims Wino punched him in the face three times last weekend. The dude told The Sun, “It really stung. I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t said anything to her or touched her.” Wino’s friend claims someone pinched her ass and that’s why she went karazy. Please, nobody pinched her ass! Her ass fleas were just acting up.

The people of Camden need to start wearing helmets wherever they go, just in case they run into Boxing Wino!

Breaking news! The polyester weave looks freshly brushed and dirt-free! Don’t get too comfortable with Brit Brit’s new tamed possum’s nest. I’m sure it’s already knotted up with Cheetos stuck in it and shit.

Brit Brit left a salon in Beverly Hills yesterday looking pretty clean. Hazmat does really good work! You know it takes like 5 bitches to do her weave. One bitch to hold her down, one to brush her weave down with a garden rake, one to pop Rollitos in her mouth every 5 seconds, one to give oxygen to the bitches working on her and one to play “Itsy Bitsy Spider” with her.

Whenever she smiles, I always imagine the sound “durrrr” playing in her head over and over again. Aww…she actually doesn’t look like she’s just crawled out from the bayou. Hopefully, she can keep it up by washing regularly and taking a hot comb to that yarn mop every now and again.