Dr. Quinn and mother of twins, Jane Seymour, has a little advice for Saint Angelina. Ruh roh. I really wish someone would have stopped her, but now she’s on her own.

Jane told OK!, “My advice to her is to put some weight on. I think she needs to keep putting on weight so she can feed those babies. I don’t think she should think twice. She hasn’t put on enough weight.” Gulp. Do you hear that? It’s the stampede heading for Jane’s house.

She went on to say that she nearly kicked the bucket when she had her twins, “I had preclampsia, which is toxemia, and I had to have an emergency C-section and I almost lost my life. So my advice to her [Jolie] is to listen to your doctors and if they say bed rest and they say blood pressure cuff every hour and they say whatever medication they say, you should take it very seriously.”

My advice to Jane is to immediately go into her bedroom, lock the door, put her dresser in front of it, get under the covers and stay there until further notice. If she can, she should arm herself with a full-sized poster of Jennifer Aniston and a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood. Brangaloonies can’t get near that shit!

And Jane is right, but she should have privately sent Saint Angelina a gift certificate to Chili’s instead of telling it to a magazine.

Pamela Anderson entered the Big Brother Australia house today and kissed the floor with her chocha lips before she entered. It totally took a couple of cranes to get that bitch off the ground. Her chocha is like a Dyson and didn’t want to let go.

Pammy wouldn’t say how much money she’s getting paid to be on BB for a few days, but she said it was “a lot” and “much more than I’m worth.” She can say that again.

She also said that she’s heard about Big Brother, but “we don’t have it in America.” Umm….well…there’s this one show called “Big Brother” and it begins its 10th season here in America. Now, I don’t know if they are related, but…. Yeah, Pam has jizz for brains.

Pam was also planning to stage a huge KFC protest for Peta, but was told by reporters that KFC is a major sponsor of Big Brother Australia. She responded, “Well, you know, I didn’t know that KFC had anything to do with the show.” Errrr…obviously.

Pam has already entered the house. Click here to see tons of video of her mess on the show. Can they just lock the doors and keep her quarantined there forever? We’re done with her. She’s all yours, Australia! Crikey!

Thanks Stacey

Who knew mega stoner Matthew McConaughey was the type to whore out his baby for millions of dollars? He obviously is the type, because TMZ reports that OK! Magazine beat out People for the first photos of Wrangler Jeans or whatever the hell that baby’s name is.

OK! will coughed up 3 million clams for the deal which also includes baby’s first Christmas. He’s not even a week old.

Hopefully, Matthew will take some of that cash and move his family out of the trailer park! I doubt Baby Chic Jeans really wants to sleep in a kitchen drawer. Oh shit! I said Chic Jeans. That was the hottest commercial ever:

The golden chosen twins are coming this Tuesday! Shit, instead of dusting off your Brangelina shrine, you should clean out your bomb shelter. I’m sure the presence of the twin messiahs will knock out electrical, gas and water lines. You better stock up on bottled water for your Kool-Aid.

According to InTouch (via DM), Angie Jo has scheduled her c-section for this Tuesday. A source said that when Angie first arrived at the hospital in Nice, France, she all nice and shit, but now she’s turning into a real cunt. The source said, “She’s starting to feel that the staff are starstruck and not attentive enough. She’s throwing fits if she rings and they don’t come quick enough.”

Angie has also demanded the hospital serve her royal ass salmon even though it’s not on the hospital menu. “I think she’s in meltdown mode. She’s been getting upset if there’s not enough ice in her glass,” said the source.

Those nurses better watch it. It only takes one phone call from Saint Angelina for them to spend the rest of eternity in hell. Seriously, I think God and Buddha are both in her T-Mobile Fave 5.

In other chosen ones news, a radio station in Canada is offering Brangelina $1 million cash if they name their messiahs Mauler and Rush. Mauler and Rush are the name of two DJs on HOT 89-9 in Ottawa, Canada. Actually, those are fucking perfect names, but this shit is never going to happen. Saint Angelina queefs out $1 million in cash. That ain’t nothing to her.

Thanks Mari & Cam

Chichi power alert!!! You might remember Toccara as the bitch who should have won America’s Next Top Model 3. TyTy Baby didn’t choose her, because she’s jeaaaaaalous. You might also remember Toccara as the hot ass bitch who went off on the judges of Celebrity Fit Club. The bitch is back and bigger than ever. Well, her chichis are bigger than ever!

Toccara is in the new issue of Vogue Italia. You just know TyTy Baby is going to take credit for all of this. I can hear her now, “Well, I remember the time I got Toccara into Vogue….”

These pictures are hotter than a cat’s pussy on an August afternoon, but where the hell are her nipples?! I assumed the bitch had huge silver dollar nippies. What the fuck happened to them? Did TyTy chew them off or something?

And is it just me or does Toccara sort of look like Alexyss K. Tylor in these pictures?

Visit Top Model Livejournal to see Toccara’s full airbrushed-to-hell spread in Vogue.

Let’s cut to the chase, White Oprah’s cokey bull nostrils can probably blow better Ali Lohan can. The 45-year-old bitch can’t sing, but thanks to modern technology, she sounds OK. “All the Way Around“ is Ali’s first single and I’m pretty sure this shit was originally written back in the 80s for Expose or the Cover Girls.

It’s not completely atrocious. Oh, who am I fooling?! It’s a vomit inducer for the ears! I can just picture that old bag with her 90s choker on whining into the microphone, while White Oprah tries to booty dance in the background. Nana sits in the corner with her vanilla wafers in one hand and her bong in the other.

VIA Mollygood