Duh.

/ July 11, 2008

A sequel to the queef orgy known as “Sex and the City” is in the works. As soon as this shit opened with a gazillion dollars at the box office, I knew My Little Pony Parker immediately held a meeting at her barn to ask HBO how many more carrots and sugar cubes they are going to give her for the sequel.

At the TCA press tour, one of the HBICs of HBO said, “There is enormous interest by Warner Bros. and New Line to do another Sex and the City and I think in fact they’re trying to put that together now. When that happens or how long it would take, I can’t say. But there’s tremendous interest.” He went on to sqwak that they were all “heartened by the enthusiasm from the [Sex and the City] fans and by the new fans.” No, they are all shitting in their diapers at the amount of cash it made.

They would be stupid to not put out a sequel. I mean, when I went to see this estrogen fiesta in the theaters, dozens of vaginas practically exploded for it. They all came dressed up and were screaming like they just saw a 10-inch dick. Shit, I’m a big ass girl, but even that was too much for me. I had to pop testerone pills just to bring my estrogen levels down.

I’m ok with a sequel as long as it’s called “Sex and the City 2: It’s ROJO CALIENTE Time!

Source

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It’s Not What You Think It Is

/ July 11, 2008

Yes, that’s most likely a cokey booger in Wino’s nose, but that doesn’t mean she was snorting sugar last night! That’s what her boogers look like. She can’t help it! She cries heroin water, she shits 8 balls, she pisses malt liquor and she cums crack smegma.

The Wino left her gig at the Monarch Club in Camden last night with a little white friend up her nose. Homegirl needs to go back to drug taking school. She needs to learn the double snort and wipe. Her nose is probably on strike and has closed its doors to anymore illegal substances. Even its sick of her fuckery.

She didn’t sing last night, but she played a DJ set. That only means she put on a Deep Purple song (crackies love DP), shouted about Blaaake, went to the bathroom for an hour, returned and repeated the cycle.

Here’s more of The Crackie of Camden carrying some cardboard box last night. That box is probably her new home, because word on the street is that her neighbors want her out!

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She’s Smiling Because She’s $1.5 Million Richer

/ July 11, 2008

Just like all of us, cold hard cash puts a smile on MiserAlba’s permanent grouch face. TMZ reports that MiserAlba has gone and joined the Baby Whoring Club by selling the first pictures of Baby Honor for a cheap $1.5 million to OK! Magazine. Seriously, Matthew McConaughey got $3 million and MiserAlba only got $1.5?! I’m disappointed in that mean ass bitch.

A source said that at first MiserAlba turned down offers from the weeklies, but eventually gave in when the price was right. Hey, she’s a pimp that knows her baby’s worth. The deal includes the first pictures of Honor as well as some other events like Christmas or MiserAlba’s divorce party. The pictures were already taken this week.

MiserAlba could have made more money by adding extras. She should have told their asses that if they want her to fake smile, that’s an extra million. And if they actually want her to hold the baby, that’s another $500,000.

MiserAlba also owes it to her daughter to put that money in a “Change Your Name Fund.”

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Birthday Sluts

/ July 11, 2008

Justin Chambers (38)
Rachael Taylor (24)
Lil’ Kim (33)
Michael Rosenbaum (36)
Jeff Corwin (41)
Greg Grunberg (42)
Lisa Rinna (45)
Suzanne Vega (48)
Bonnie Pointer (48)
Richie Sambora (49)
Sela Ward (52)
Giorgio Armani (79)
David Kelly (79)

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