This shit is seriouly becoming a regular feature. After I posted Mischa Barton’s cheap panties and Angelina Jolie’s “weist” thinning massage hoop, you guys sent in even more shit found at the 99 Cent store. You are some cheap bitches! I just bought some generic sodie pop and dish liquid there. I’m sure that dish liquid is going to melt my dishes.

Above is a luxurious tank top featuring an Olsen Troll on its packaging. I’m sure it’s part of their fashion line, The Row, which is only sold at the 99 Cent store and Barneys. The people that put this shit together really need their own Photoshop Award. They don’t even fucking try.

Below are a couple of costume bags with Dubya and Rob Lowe on the cover. Hmmm….the Dubya one probably isn’t Photoshopp. That’s probably a real picture.

I don’t think I’ve ever posted such a sad headline before. Sad on so many levels. The other day, I posted some story about David Lee Roth being pulled over by Canadian police because he was speeding. The cops found “David” in his car having some sort of medical emergency due to a nut allergy. It turns out that it wasn’t David Lee Roth, but someone pretending to be him.

DLR told TMZ that it wasn’t him and he’s not allergic to nuts, but he is “allergic to is criticism.” Is he sure he isn’t allergic to nuts? I mean, one would think you would develop an allergy after working with all those nuts in Van Halen.

The Canadian police said the DLR’s imposter has been scamming dumb bitches everywhere. He could be charged with obstruction of justice for giving a false name to cops. They also need to charge him with being pathetic enough to impersonate David Lee Roth. I think that charge carries an automatic death sentence.

All this talk of nuts has made me all sexy feeling in the private areas. Anybody have pictures of Mr. Peanut’s peanut?

And is it just me or does DLR look like he’s impersonating David Hyde Pierce in the picture above?

Thanks Kristina

Ronnie Wood, 61, of the Rolling Stones is reportedly getting it on with a slut old enough to be his granddaughter. The Daily Mail claims Ronnie has left his wifey of 23 years for an 18-year-old Russian cocktail waitress named Ekaterina Ivanov. He met her in some shady escort bar, so I’m sure the “cocktail waitress” title is just that, a title.

The teenage tart has been telling her Facebook friends that she’s having a relationship with Ronnie.

Ronnie’s spokesbitch spoke out by saying Ekaterina is a drinking partner and that Ronnie is in a bad way, “She is a drinking partner. When you’re an alcoholic and your family are all telling you to stop drinking you simply find someone else to drink with. You can see how it happens, you end up pushing away the ones you love because you don’t think straight.”

The spokesbitch also said that Ronnie is drinking 2 bottles of vodka a day and that he’s not even clear enough to check into rehab even though his wife is begging him to. Ronnie is still talking to his kids and wife, but he’s mostly only with his teenage hooker.

Ronnie’s wife, Jo, seems to be in denial. She said, “They’re not boyfriend and girlfriend – not in that way.”

I’m all for gold digging, but Ekaterina is not playing fair. Ronnie is a troubled pepaw with a booze problem.

This is going to end one of two ways. Ronnie is going to leave his teenage slut and she’s going to release a tell-all along with a sex tape (pepaw porn is all the rage right now). Or Ronnie is going to leave his wifey and marry this tramp! Either way, it’s not going to end pretty.

I’d rather wear shoes made out of rusty nails than Crocs, but I’m perfectly fine with kiddies wearing plastic vagina shoes. Yeah, I’m sure Rocco Ritchie really cares that I care. He does. Truth. Memaws and pepaws over the age of 90 and kiddies are the only people allowed to wear these things. I don’t even think it’s right to wear them while gardening. I mean, what if the sexy ass mail man comes along and you’re wearing those things? They make your feet look like giant sand buckets. Not sexy.

Little Rocco wore multi-color Crocs while arriving at the Kabbalahahaha Center in NYC last night with his family. Maybe I should convert to Kabbalah. They obviously don’t give a fuck if you show up looking like you’ve just rolled out of bed after a 9-hour bukkake session. At other religious services, they make your ass dress up like you’ve just come out of a Glamour Shots photo shoot. However, red is not really my color, so I don’t think Kabbalahists would appreciate me asking if the red string comes in other colors. Besides, the red string would break in two as soon as it touched my evil ass wrist.

Here’s more of Vadge and Guy doing it for the cameras last night.

Mega man-whore Anthony Kiedis and his chick of 3 years, Heather Christie, have thrown in the towel. Wait, does that towel still have Anthony’s sweat on it, because if it does, hand it over. Anyway, People reports that they split in June.

Heather, a 22-year-old ex-model, is also the mother of his son, Everly Bear. I’ve always loved that name. It sounds like the missing Care Bear who spent his life being a groupie for the Everly Brothers. We should all name our kids after Care Bears. I’m taking Funshine Bear, so don’t even think of it.

Heather told People, “Anthony is a great dad and I will love him forever for giving me the gift of life. I really hope he finds what he’s looking for.” She also forgot to thank him for giving her a serious case of herpes. I’m joking (I think).

Anthony won’t stay single for long. I’m sure he’ll be linked to some teenage child model any day now.

And I wonder who got to keep their optometrist? You can’t share the same optometrist when you break up. That’s just gross.

Beth Joy & Bella Starlet from “Greatest American Dog” – Yes, I’m watching this crap too! Someone really needs to take my television away.