This story doesn’t have anything to do with Jason Lee’s son, Pilot Inspektor, but he may want to file it away for possible future use.

A family court judge in New Zealand made a 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed. You see, her parents named her “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.” Seriously. I think Matthew McConaughey is hitting himself over the head with his bongos for not thinking of that totally awesome name.

The little girl is involved in a custody battle. Her new name was not made public. It was probably changed to “Talula Does The Kapa Haka From New Zealand.” Well, she’s from New Zealand. Not Hawaii.

The poor girl told the court that she was also embarassed by her name and asked all her friends to call her “K” instead. The judge said, “The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child’s parents have shown in choosing this name. It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily.”

The registration office in New Zealand has already blocked some names, but some have been allowed, including including “Number 16 Bus Shelter.” I can’t even comment on that shit. Those parents deserve the beat down of a lifetime.

Please forward this story to Audio Science, Moxie Crimefighter, Diva Thin Muffin and Jermajesty. They need to know that there’s a way to stop the madness!

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Thanks The C Word

The above clip is a few days old and I’ve been meaning to post it, but I kept forgetting. My brain was protecting me by continually blocking it out. It’s a clip from Big Brother 10 featuring Ollie, the preacher’s son, and April, the resident skank whore, doing sexy times under a blanket on some seating area. They are out in the open, so all the lights are turned on.

I really shouldn’t call this sexy times because there’s nothing sexy about it. April’s foot just lays there like a dying trout. The clip reaches high-levels of grossness when April says, “You have to pull out.” That piece of nastiness is around the 3:40 mark.

Ollie and April didn’t stop there. They also fucked yesterday (clip below). This time they settled for the comfort of a bedroom, so the lights were turned off. Don’t fret, they make the same nasty sounds. It seriously sounds like a group of raccoons feasting on hot trash and loving every second of it. My ears dry heaved towards the end of the clip when April tells Ollie, “Cum on me.” BARF ON ME. This dumb bitch is totally going to get knocked up. Nothing says “dumb American slut” like getting knocked up on live television.

VIA Reality Blurred

In more “We need to blow up Hollywood” news, John Waters is currently working on a sequel to the movie musical version of “Hairspray.” Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman, who wrote the songs for the Broadway musical, will also be back to write the songs for the sequel. The first movie’s director, Adam Shankman, has also signed up to repeat his duties.

New Line is aiming for a July 2010 release. They are hoping to reunite the original cast which included John Travolta, Zac Efron, Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer, Queen Latifah, Nikki Blonsky and Brittany Snow. The sequel will pick up right where the first one ended.

I’ll be surprised if Michelle Pfeiffer agrees to this fuckery. Didn’t she learn anything from “Grease 2“? “I want a coooooool rider, A cool, cool, cool, cool rider…..” What am I saying? That movie changed my life.

You know John Travolta just wants a reason to get back into that costume. He never felt so alive in his life. He probably had to wear diapers the entire time because he kept creaming himself, he was so happy. Shit, he probably wears that outfit at home and dances with his life-size cut out of Zac Efron.

I also blame GREED for this. John Waters probably made a shit load off of the “Hairspray” musical and now he just can’t get enough. John, just say NO to a “Hairspray” sequel. But just say YES to a “Serial Mom” sequel.

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Thanks Zeke

MTV is about to commit first-degree murder by remaking the cult classic “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” That’s our cue to go back to bed. This is obviously a bad nightmare and we must wake up.

The ugly and mean whores at MTV said they will use the original screenplay, but may add new music. GOD NO! They are aiming for a Halloween 2009 release. So, it’s official. October 31, 2009 is the day we all spontaneously combust.

Casting has not yet been announced.

Dammit, Janet! Fuck, I can already see who MTV is going to cast in this shit:

Pete Wentz as Dr. Frank-N-Furter
Ashlee Simpson as Janet Weiss
Zac Efron as Brad Majors
MTV star Tila Tequila as Magenta
MTV star Parasite Hilton as Columbia
Brooke Hogan as Rocky Horror
John Norris as Riff Raff
Benji Madden as Eddie
The casts of Real World and Road Rules as the ensemble

I know I’ve said this a million times, but HOLLYWOOD IS DEAD. Gone. DEAD.

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Thanks Tonia

Missiles destined for the Isle of Lesbos, that’ll teach ’em! – El Bastardo

Runners-up:

Nine months after Tommy Lee’s visit to Japan… – Stoney

Big deal, all our priests see children that way too. – Miss Jay

Thanks Luckyrwhat

Keith Morrison from Dateline NBC – Keith is my favorite pepaw reporter ever! His voice is like Sleepytime tea. It’s so soooooothing.