This Shit Is Finally Over (For Now)
This is just an excuse to post another picture of Dollhouse Dude. He was my favorite part of this whole Brit/KFed custody fiasco. Dollhouse Dude is looking so…..sad. This bitch needs help! Ty Pennington and Fisher Price should team up to give him a makeover. He also might need help from Habitat for Humanity. Dollhouse Dude is going to be without a dollhouse soon. Sad. I’d send him mine, but I’m really attached to it. It’s my favorite Sunday afternoon activity. Play with my dollhouse while getting plastered.
Anyway, the Brit and KFed custody battle is officially over for now. Yesterday, Commissioner Gordon signed off on the custody agreement. KFed gets sole custody of SPF and JJ with Brit Brit getting visitation rights. She currently has one sleepover per week and will get another one before the end of the year.
KFed will get $20,000 a month in child support. He used to get $15,000. Brit also has to pay off his $250,000 legal bill. Daddy Spears, who is in charge of her ass until July 31st, agreed to the settlement.
Brit Brit will probably ask for 50/50 custody once the conservatorship ends.
Damn, KFed and his attorneys probably celebrated with whores, hot wings and Henny. $250,000? I really should have been a lawyer. Too bad I hate wearing a suit. Seriously, lawyers might be happier if they could wear shorts and t-shirts to work. The only bitch that should be allowed to wear a suit is Rojo Caliente. She makes it looks effortless.
OK! Magazine asked KFed’s lawyer why he needed the $5,000 a month increase and his lawyer said, “He’s trying to contribute as much [of his own money] as he can. It’s never been about the money.” Cue laugh track.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Vince – The crackhead from the ShamWow commercials – In case you’re wondering, those shit rags don’t work! Surprising, I know. Click here to read a review
For Brittany
Birthday Sluts
Helen Mirren (63)
Taylor Momsen (15)
Tamyra Gray (29)
Kate Beckinsale (35)
Jeremy Piven (43)
Sandra Bullock (44)
Kevin Spacey (49)
Dorothy Hamill (52)
Mick Jagger (65)
Blake Edwards (86)
Camille Grammer Is A True Inspiration
Camille Grammer (formerly Camille Donatacci) is what all gold diggers should aspire to be. She went from shaking her ass on “Club MTV” to being married to Kelsey Grammer. She met Kelsey in 1996, married him 1997 and had their first kid in 2001. That is how you do it. That dumb Sarah Larson bitch needed to study Camille Grammer’s business plan while she was fucking with George Clooney, but she effed up. Camille should teach a class at the Learning Annex on the art of gold digging.
Kelsey looks like he fucks like a turtle, but who cares?! Who needs sexy times when you have that much money? She probably orgasms when she uses her Black AMEX to buy a Bentley.
The stunning Camille escorted her sugar daddy to the premiere of “Swing Vote” last night in Hollywood. This looks like the biggest piece of shit movie ever. Booze can’t even make this crap entertaining. You’re going to have to drop acid if you plan on seeing this.
Other skanks who attended the premiere just to have their picture taken so they would remain relevant included DJ Tanner, Stephanie Tanner, Drunk Abdul and Kevin Costner.
Not A Grey Poupon Fan
That’s when Vitaly reached in his glove compartment, pulled out a gun, cocked it, aimed it at the other car and said, “Here’s your Grey Poupon, roll your fucking windows up.” Hmmm…maybe he’s a French’s type of dude?
When Vitaly drove off, the passenger in the other car got his license plate information and called the cops. Payback sucks. Vitaly was arrested and charged with felony aggravated assault.
Some douchebags can’t take a stupid joke. Vitaly needs to lighten up and get fucked with a funny bone. If you told him a knock-knock joke, he’d probably shoot you in the face.
That being said, I’d hit it in a bathtub full of Grey Poupon.
Becky #1 From Roseanne Is A Fortune Teller
When Lecy Goranson left “Roseanne,” I was so fucking sad. Becky #2 wasn’t the same. She was too classy for that shit and never belonged. No one could ever pull off a floral sweatshirt the way Becky #1 could.
Anyway, Lecy (I think she goes by Alicia now) was spotted reading tarot cards at the Gowanus Yacht Club in Brooklyn last Saturday. That bitch is the next Dionne Warwick! I don’t know if she does this for money or if it’s a regular thing, but I’m spending every night at the Gowanus Yacht Club, hoping to run into her. Sharing a twelve pack with Becky #1 while she tells me a bunch of bullshit sounds like my idea of a good time.
A long ass time ago I worked for a psychic line for like a day. It was hell and even I started to feel guilty about lying to people. One bitch asked me, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” I asked her, “What time did he come home last night?” She answered, “He didn’t.” So I said, “Yes. Yes, he is cheating on you.” You would think that the dumb bitch would have said to me, “Bitch! You’re the psychic. You should know what time he came home!” Don’t ever call those things! If you need someone to lie to you, call me instead. I lie for beer.
