Brit Brit headed down to Cabo this weekend with George Maloof to take a break from her busy life of…..um….errr…help me out here! She was probably celebrating the end of that whole child custody drama. “No mo’ babies botherin’ me all tha time! Let’s hoof it to Mexico!”

You know she asked one of the locals where the nearest Taco Bell was. And I feel for the housekeeper who had to pick up Brit Brit’s white bikini off of the floor. Skidmark city!

After this picture was taken, Khloe Kardashian devoured that giant Big Mac cake along with everything in its path. Luckily, she spit out Kim Kardashian because she really doesn’t like the taste of sour baby batter and sausage grease.

The Big Mac turned 40 this weekend and McDonald’s held a birthday party for it in Malibu. Only a bunch of busted chicken nuggets showed up for this shit including the Kardashian skanks, Serena Williams and Ian Ziering. I shouldn’t say that about Ian. He’s more like a piping hot McRib with an extra fake bone in the middle.

I’m also pretty disgusted with myself for wanting to eat that delicious looking cheeseburger cake.

Cops should not tell jokes. They just shouldn’t. They should just spend their time eating Krispy Kremes and hawking loogies. Seriously, why is that every time I talk to a copper (and I do that a lot), he clears his throat at least a dozen times. Is that police code for hot gay sex or something? Shit! I’ve been missing out.

TMZ reports that TV legend Shannen Doherty waltzed into a Malibu police station to bitch about the paps following her. The cops apparently had no idea who she was. They were obviously trying to be funny. Shannen told them she was on TV, but they still had no clue. Shannen should have looked one of them in the eye and said, “Veronica, why are you pulling my dick? ” That would have set them straight.

The dude at the front desk had to ask around if anybody knew who she was, but nobody did. Those cops should all be locked up for life. Everybody knows who Shannen Doherty is. We learned about her in elementary school!

The only joke here is the fact that the paps are still following her.

Which celeb is desperate to keep his girlfriend a secret because he’s afraid his string of mistresses will find out and it’ll scupper his chances with them? (The Mirror)

Scupper?! Long John Silver? No, my guess is Sean Penn? He likes to scupper.

Which mega-actor sends members of his entourage to club doormen looking for blow? (Rush & Molloy)

Every actor in Hollywood. My guess is Jeremy Piven or Shia LaDouche?

Riot in the streets!! Heidi Montag’s twin, Chrissy Crocker, is leaving YouTube! – Popbytes

Nicky Kidman is going back to work – Celebitchy

Whitney Houston and her mini Bobby Brown – I’m Not Obsessed

John Mayer shaves it off – SOW

Wasted Spacey? – A Socialite’s Life

Parasite Hilton attempts to sing and dance at the same time – Holy Moly!

Ashley Jizzdale is leaving her Disney TV show. Skinemax, here she cums! – ICYDK

First of all, you know those dogs went diarrhea in their shoes when they got home. Anyway, Rebecca Romjin Lettuce and Jerry O’Connell are expecting twins. Having one baby in Hollywood just isn’t good enough. A spokesbitch confirmed to UsWeekly that Becky is knocked up with twins.

These two have been married for about a year. Last month, Jerry said they were trying to have kids, “It would be amazing if it happened. I hope it does happen.”

Everyone is having kids, twins especially. What the hell are we going to do with all these people? Who is going to feed them? Where are they going to live?! This is the reason why I have to wait in line for fucking everything. I wait in lines to wait in lines. It’s fucked up. Too many people! Export some of them to Mars!

That being said, congrats to Becky Romjin Lettuce and her man boy. Seriously, Jerry has a buff man body, but then you look up at his Howdy Doody head and it makes you feel uncomfortable. He sort of reminds me of the boy bodybuilder.