LaDouche’s Passenger Is Adrian’s Chick

/ July 28, 2008

The chick who was in the car with Shia LaDouche during his drunken car crash has been identified as Australian actress Isabel Lucas. Isabel is currently shooting “Transformers 2” with Shia. She’s also doing sexy times with Adrian Grenier. You know what this means? Curly-haired dick bag fight! And yes, Shia has curly hair. Click here to see this extra sexy picture of him working those curly locks.

Isabel wasn’t seriously injured when Shia’s Ford F-150 flipped over after he made an illegal left turn and got broadsided. Shia fucked up his left hand and it required surgery. He’s also taking one month off to recover.

According to UsWeekly, LaDouche partied at the Troubadour before the crash. Some nosy bitch claimed he kept doing shots of whiskey. The nosy bitch went on to say, “He was dancing around and acting really crazy. He stayed until the band was done and then stumbled out of the club by himself.

He left by himself? So he must have picked up Isabel on his way home. Boo-tay call!

The NYDN reports that Adrian isn’t happy that his girlfriend was out with LaDouche at 3 in the morning. He has nothing to worry about. They were just going to run lines at his house. And by “run lines” I mean LaDouche was going to snort coke off her snatch.

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Out With The Old, In With The Douche

/ July 28, 2008

This September, AC Slater will replace Mark McGrath and Dayna Devon as the new host of “Extra.” Mark has been kicked off, but Dayna will stay as a special correspondent. Some important person that works on Extra told People, “Mario … has established himself as a highly engaging, likeable and sought-after host and personality.” Likeable to who?! Baboons?

Great, AC Slater is already annoying and now that he’s joining an “entertainment news show,” he’s going to be even more annoying. Mark McGrath was tolerable before he joined “Extra.” As soon as I saw him on that show, he instantly became a robot prick. All of those crazy entertainment news people are totally irritating.

Name one that doesn’t make you want to wet yourself. Pat O’Brien? CREEPY! Mary Hart? FRAUDULENT! Billy Bush? ACK! Victoria Recano? Ugh! Don’t even get me started on that bitch!

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Wino Rushed To The Hospital

/ July 28, 2008

Amy Wino was rushed to the emergency room of London’s University College Hospital tonight. Paramedics were called to her home in Camden around 8pm. Shortly after they arrived, they wheeled her into an ambulance as Mitch Wino watched. Apparently, she was breathing with the help of an oxygen tank. Her rep confirms that she’s been admitted to the hospital.

The rep wouldn’t say why she’s in the hospital, but it’s pretty fucking obvious. This news makes me want to open up my window and scream, “Winoooooo.”

That hot police lady seems really concerned….

UPDATE: Her rep has issued this statement, “Amy Winehouse suffered a reaction to medication at home this evening and was taken to the hospital. Doctors have advised that she will be kept under observation overnight and is likely to be released tomorrow.” Yeah, it’s not such a good idea to mix crack with prescription medication. I’m not a doctor, but that’s just a hunch.

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Camille Grammer’s Sugar Pepaw Is In The Hospital!

/ July 28, 2008

My hero’s husband, Kelsey Grammer, is in the hospital! Camille Grammer’s sugar pepaw fainted in NYC over the weekend while promoting “Swing Vote.” His rep told UsWeekly, “Kelsey felt faint last night so he went to the hospital to have things checked out. They are altering his medications.” His rep said he will bust out of the hospital tomorrow.

Last month, Kelsey had a minor heart attack in Hawaii.

Earlier, I decided to do a little google research on Camille, because I’m in love with her. I found out Kesley has had some tragic shit happen in his life. His father was murdered, his sister was murdered and his twin half-brothers were killed by a shark! Also, his second wife tried to kill herself while she was pregnant. She lost their child.

To top it all off, Camille has a form of IBS. That’s why she used a surrogate to give birth to both of their kids. Yeah, right. She just didn’t want to get fat. I’m joking! Camille is an angel.

Kelsey is in good (and expensive) hands. He has one of the greatest gold diggers in the world caring for him. If anyone can heal him, it’s Camille.

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No Condoms For Miley

/ July 28, 2008

LifeStyles Condoms has offered 15-year-old Miley Cyrus $1 million to be the new “face” of their product. They think that Miley, a self-proclaimed virgin, could encourage other teens to practice safe sex.

The VP of marketing for LifeStyles told Full Disclosure, “With recent reports showing that one out of four teenage girls has an STD and the high level of teenage pregnancy, we believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set. ve that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set – and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America.”

In addition to the $1 million, LifeStyles also offered her a lifetime supply of condoms. A spokesbitch for Miley said they aren’t interested and it’s never going to happen.

This isn’t a bad idea. Miley could get Disney involved too. You know how they have those cutesy Disney band-aids? They can do the same thing for condoms and give them cute names like Winnie the Lube or Crurubber de Vil.

I’ve never used LifeStyles so I couldn’t say if a lifetime supply would be worth it. I’m strictly Trojan. And if there aren’t any Trojans around, I’ll just use a sandwich baggie, a rubber band and some vaseline. You know, the “KFed” method. What am I saying? He doesn’t use condoms.

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