Umm…Why?

December 26, 2006 / Posted by:

Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling spent the holidays in Dean’s native Canada. The couple are expecting a fug baby this Spring and were married this past May. Dean decided to propose to Tori again this past Christmas. Dean took Tori to a special spot (probably the 99 cent store) and popped the question.

Tori told People Magazine, “I immediately started crying and said ‘Yes! Again and again and again!’ What made it so special was the notion that a year ago when he proposed, the thought of having a baby together was just in our hearts, and now our baby boy that we created from our love is nestled in my belly.”

She probably laid a huge fart after that. I know that some might find this romantic, but I just find it stupid. He was probably hoping she would say no, thinking that would make their marriage null and void. Unfortunately, her hatchet lips said yes.

This Dog Really Hates Her Ass

December 26, 2006 / Posted by:

Jessica Simpson left a special holiday message to her fans on SweetKisses:

“happy holidays to all of my fans. i am spending much needed family time in the colorado rockies. i send y’all my genuine huge smile hoping it makes its way to brighten your christmas day…very dorky rhyme, but hey what can i say…i am a dork. daisy doesn’t enjoy the role of santa in this picture, but the idea was just too cute to resist. i love all of y’all with my whole heart and my hope is for each and every one of your christmas wishes to come true. thank you for always inspiring me to be better in everything that i do. xo jess”

Can’t capitalize much? She failed to mention that Daisy lost it after this picture was taken and mauled her face. Hey, dreams do come true!

Just Pull It a Few More Inches Down….

December 26, 2006 / Posted by:

Mariah Carey took some kind of extra-large coat contraption and made it into a hoody. She covered up her fat head as she left her mother’s store in Aspen. She needs to pull that sweater a few more inches down to cover up that hippo of hers. God, I’m mean. It’s Christmas! Ok, Mimi is a gorgeous human being with a beautiful soul.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Breaks Ass While Skiing, Needs Surgery

December 26, 2006 / Posted by:

Okay okay, he didn’t break his ass but that sounds so much funnier than saying he broke his femur. The femur is close to the ass anyway, so I wasn’t that far off. So…Arnold “The Governer” Schwarzenegger broke his femur while skiing with his family in Idaho over the weekend. He has returned to California and they will operate today to fix that problem.

His spokeswhore said, “I have spoken to the governor several times since the skiing accident occurred and he is very comfortable.”

Arnold is expected to go on crutches for the next 8 weeks. I’m more surprised that Arnold actually gets on skis. That’s like seeing an obese bear trying to hold his balance on a 1-inch piece of ribbon suspended 25-feet from the ground while holding a delicious pot of honey on his head. No wonder stupid ass broke his ass!

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You Know You Want This

December 26, 2006 / Posted by:

Simon Cowell spent his Christmas holiday giving his pasty mantits some tanning in Barbados. He was joined by the hotness that is Michael Winner. Hmm…what wouldn’t I give to be the pastrami and cheese in that hunk sandwich!

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