Tara, Please Invest in a One-Piece

December 27, 2006 / Posted by:

Tara Reid exposed her frankentummy yet again in St. Barths yesterday. Why hasn’t the government done something about this? They really should deport her ass and her stomach. I mean, that thing looks like it has a brain of its own and will eat and kill everything in its path. That being said, scrambled eggs for breakfast!

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A White Wedding, Literally

December 27, 2006 / Posted by:

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty will be married by the end of 2006 according to friends of the couple. They claim that they were told the pair will be married in a civil ceremony any day now. They were also told to clear their schedules for the week of January 18th, so they can fly to Ibiza and celebrate the couple’s marriage. Several friends have already booked their arrangements.

A source said, “There’s been a bit of a tussle over the guest list, which is small because Kate is concerned that some of Pete’s hangers-on are bad news, but he’s determined to have his mates there.”

Just let them get married already and OD in their wedding clothes. Who cares already. Pete will always be a junkie and Kate will always be dickmatized. It’s just the facts folks. Truth hurts.

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Keanu Reeves is All Sorts of Dirty

December 27, 2006 / Posted by:

Keanu Reeves gave the paparazzi a special Christmas greeting outside a friend’s home in Los Angeles. Hopefully he went inside that house and filled the tub with boiling hot water and then poursed some bleach up in there and soaked for a few hours. Let’s hope he then took steel wool and some Ajax and scrubbed his skin for a couple of hours. He needs it. Ho looks beat. That being said, I’d hit it.

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Is Carrie Underwood Picking Up Jessica Simpson’s Leftovers?

December 27, 2006 / Posted by:

Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Tony Romo, was linked to Jessica Simpson last month. This month he’s now said to be “canoodling” with American Idol winner, Carrie Underwood. The two had a few Christmastime dates. Carrie showed up to his big Christmas day game and was said to be all over his ass.

Tony confirmed to a newspaper that he’s with Carrie.

Yawnsville. Is the news really going to be like this for the whole week? Can’t we make something up, something remotely interesting? I mean Carrie isn’t even screwing him probably. She’s one of those “holding out for marriage” types.

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