Bachelor Producers Want The Pope!!!

October 30, 2006 / Posted by:

For the ten of you out there that watch The Bachelor, you know that this show is maybe half a step-up from Flavor of Love. The girls are just as delusional and skanky. So, it’s a huge surprise that the producers are trying desperately to get the Pope on the show. They think they actually have a chance.

The latest installment takes place in Rome and features a fake Prince. Executive Producer Mike Fleiss has said that they’ve tried several times to get the Pope. He said, “We’ll sneak the cameras into Vatican Square. We’ll do something. Wouldn’t it be cool to see the Pope praying with the bachelor and giving him guidance to make the right decision?”

Mike envisions the Pope advising Prince Lorenzo on whom to give his final rose to. I agree with him that it would be cool for Pope Eggs Benedict to be there, but it would also be cool to see Prince Lorenzo and his final hag fall into a hole filled with anacondas. I mean it would be cool, but it will never happen.

Actually, the Pope loves Prada. They should just bribe him with a new pair of Prada sneakers.

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Brad Pitt Shocked That Most of the World Hates Americans

October 30, 2006 / Posted by:

While Brad Pitt was in Amsterdam shooting Ocean’s Twelve he learned that most of the World hates Americans. He was out late biking one night in Amsterdam when he came face to face with a group of drunken men that wanted to kill his ass, because he’s American.

He said, “I get a bike wherever I go and I went for a midnight ride around Amsterdam. There were some guys coming out of a bar having a good time. I said, ‘Excuse me,’ and swerved out of the way and they started screaming, ‘You fucking American. We’ll fucking kill you.’ “I’d never come face to face with that before – that turn in the way we are perceived in other countries.”

He just realized that most countries hate our asses?! Oh and I saw Babel this weekend and that shit is totally hot.

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Racist?

October 30, 2006 / Posted by:

Some 18-year-old New Jersey native named Tyrone created a knock-off of MySpace which he calls Niggaspace. Hmm…let me think about this one.

The site describes itself, “You definitely don’t have to be black to join! We just want to embrace the black culture that continues to innovate and strive! So if you want to meet some chill people, create an account! “

Tyrone defends the racist name of his site, “this is no way meant to be racist, my biggest intention is to change the connotation of the word.”

That’s deep. I’m sure we’ll soon see versions of this called FagSpace, CrackaSpace and AnoSpace.

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The End of a Beautiful (Fake) Friendship

October 30, 2006 / Posted by:

Posh Beckham was supposed to help Katie Holmes with all aspects of her wedding to Tom Cruise, but those plans have been put on hold after the BFFs have apparently had a falling out. The two took Paris Fashion Week by storm and looked like two lesbians from the 1950s. They attended all the shows in search for Katie’s perfect wedding dress. Giorgio Armani was hired to design the dress.

The two had a spat after Posh suggested that Katie drop a few before her wedding. A source said, “Victoria didn’t mean any harm, she just wanted to help Katie look her best for her big day. She offered to share her diet secrets but Katie immediately got defensive, saying she didn’t need any advice. Katie is really proud of the weight she’s managed to lose since giving birth to Suri in April and she doesn’t think she has to lose anymore.”

Diet secrets? Um…it’s no secret what this alien’s diet secrets are! They involve eating ice chips for breakfast, ice chips for lunch and a tic tac for dinner! Katie’s already lost a few anyway, a few marbles.

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