It’s that time again. Time for me to comment on Katie Holmes’ jeans and time for you to shout at your computer “JUST FUCKING STOP!” I’m not the only one who gives an eff, though! Reader sluts send me updates on how Katie is wearing her jeans today. Her jeans are becoming more famous than she is. They totally have their own MySpace page, I know it.

It looks like Katie decided to stop making the “tight-rolled” thing happen. But she’s still wearing the same tired Bugle Boy jeans! Katie’s stylist, Jeanne Yang, confirmed to UsWeekly that she IS wearing Tommy Girl’s Prps jeans. Those fugly jeans belong to Tommy?! Lie-telling! How is this fucking possible? They don’t look like they came from the big boy’s department. If they were Tommy’s jeans, she wouldn’t have to roll them. Fuck, they would look like shorts on her.

Oh Tommy Girl, I know you want the world to think you’re a big kid now. That’s sweet.

Here’s Stepford Katie going to rehearsal today. And those sneakers look like they came directly from the Scientology gift shop. They’re so culty-looking.

It’s always strange to me when I have to black out a nipple on my main picture. I know I have to do it, because most bosses would frown upon seeing a breast hanging out of a chick’s shirt.

I hardly black nips out on thumbnails (e-mail me if that’s ever a problem), because you can’t really see anything unless you pull a Renee Zellweger. It’s not like Lily Allen’s nipple is fucking a raw asshole on a burning cross. I mean, they’re just nipples! Most of us have them. Although, mine have been looking a bit wonky lately. A bit chewed up and spit out. Literally. They need a good ice soak. But that’s not the point! Nipples are harmless. Talk to your boss about that and tell me what he says.

And here’s some pictures of Lily’s breast with an exposed nipple on it. The thing was popping out all day. That’s what happens when you don’t wear a bra. She also cleaned up her pepaw’s front yard earlier in the day. Yes, it’s a slow gossip day…….

Meet Miss Crustacean 2008! I think she was representing the State of Paris Hilton’s Snatch – Best Week Ever

It’s the right thing to do: LaDouche is off to the tank! – Hollywood Rag

Maddox spent his birthday go karting with Brad – Is that a cockatoo on his head? – Popsugar

Robert Downey Jr. on Rolling Stone – Lainey Gossip

Hermione Granger is in a bikini! – Egotastic!

Praise Cheesus! Brit Brit is wearing a bra (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Cupcakes in ice cream cones. What a beautiful thing – Cityrag

Kanye West: “Say no to the f-word” – Towleroad

Why is Kim Kardassian hiding the one thing she’s famous for? – Hollywood Tuna

Posh doesn’t realize that babies can also exit out of her vagina – IDLYITW

Keanu Reeves actually looks kind of clean. I said “kind of” – Just Jared

Eva LongWHORIA revealed her true fugliness on the set of “Desperate Housewives” yesterday. Bitch has “throw-up face.” I’m not sure if she’s knocked up or if it’s fake padding to make her character look chunkier. All I know is that I love seeing that bitch like this! She looks even more like a mole person without all that make-up and Paves’ pony hair.

Hold up! This skeezer is totally going to get an Emmy for pulling a Charlize Theron, right? Fuck!

Joss “fucks for tracks” Stone pissed off her entire family when she showed up 30-minutes late to the baptism of her half-brother’s one-year-old son. They were waiting for her ass, because she was supposed to be the godmother.

She angered her family even more when she refused to read the church order of service and called them “old biddies” when they called her out on it. She’s so proper. I probably would have called them “a bunch of memaw cunts.”

Things turned violent when her half-brother, Daniel, started getting on her case. A witness to this amazing event said, “She was absolutely furious and they had a full-blown argument. They were screaming at each other and the next thing, Joss headbutted him. Other family members ran over to break it up and she stormed off. It turned from a nice family affair into a brawl between Joss and her brother. No one could believe it.”

Headbutted him?! Bitch is no joke. It was sort of smart of her to headbutt him. She didn’t want to ruin her nails. A swift kick to the corn nuts would’ve been better, but to each his own.

There’s really nothing like a good old-fashioned family brawl. I wish my baptism was like this. The most exciting thing that happened at my baptism was when I pissed myself during the mass. And no, my baptism was not last week! I know what you were thinking! I take pills for that now.

Source

TMZ reports that the Empress of Lucite is officially without her emperor. Her divorce from that Romain Chavent dude was made final on Monday. REJOICE! My peen lips are singing Hallelujah!!

Being a gayelle is a major trend in Hollywood right now. That’s why I may have a chance with the most gorgeous creature in all the land. We’ll be like the new SamRo and HoHan with triple the elegance! I would even lick Shauna Sand’s precious pearl. I’m sure it tastes like fresh strawberries dipped in French champagne, and my tongue would turn into a diamond on contact.

I adore her so much that I would do sexy times with her exquisite lucite heels. WELL! Her exquisite lucite heels are iconic! It would be my doody (typo and it stays).