We’ve seen ten thousand pictures of Stepford Katie and her denim friends, but strangely enough, Tommy Girl has been missing in action. Or missing in asshole. Yeah, that’s probably where he was. The new alien dick pump worked a little too well, so he got stuck in Johnny Travolta’s hungry hole. It took the other aliens a few gallons of barley water and many menacing pictures of Xenu to get them separated. Luckily, Tommy was pulled out in time for the “Tropic Thunder” premiere in Los Angeles last night.

Okay, did Carol Brady circa 1971 style Stepford Katie’s hair and make-up. I mean, what in Florence Henderson hell is going on with that old lady hair from the 1970s? And doody lipstick? That’s what Tommy Girl’s lips look like after a “play date” with Johnny Travolta. Two aliens, one cup.

Tommy needs a little more height in his sneakers. Somebody please send him these Jessica Simpson wedges. Girlfriend would work the shit out of those shoes.

You can’t convince me that Stepford Katie has an alien baby in her incubator. Tommy made her wear his butt pad on her stomach, just so they can make the gossip rags this week. Xenu help us all if she’s bringing another alien robot into this world.

Hey, lookie there! heh heh. Shadow puppets! heh heh. – KD

Runners-up:

Wow, I guess only assholes are willing to listen to what he has to say these days. – Casiobeat

Sand in your vagina is nothing compared to Bush on your back. – Wblooney

Thanks SC

Nicole – The mega bitch and doctor from “The Mole” – The finale was on last night and we learned who “The Mole” was. Don’t worry. I won’t spoil it. I was hoping Anderson Cooper (he hosted the first season) would pop out with a pet mole, but he didn’t.

Michael Ian Black (37)
Dominique Swain (28)
Casey Affleck (33)
Pete Sampras (37)
Rebecca Gayheart (37)
Peter Krause (43)
Sir Mix-a-Lot (45)
Miss Cleo (46)
Bruce Greenwood (52)
Dana Ivey (67)
George Hamilton (69)

Here are the two promos Brit Brit shot with Russell Brand for the MTV VMAs. Brit is with a real-life British person and she didn’t pull out her authentic British accent?! It was her chance to really impress Russell! She didn’t even throw in a “blimey” or a “bollocks.” I’m disappointed.

Brit Brit’s crazy Cheeto cackle gave me images of umbrellas, shaved heads, bare coochie shots and never-ending Frapps. Aww…the olden days.

And is it just me or does Russell Brand sometimes look like a less hairy version of Amy Wino? That being said, I’d hit it while making him scream Blaaaaaaaake!

Thanks Stacy

The Jonas Brothers were on MTV’s TRL this afternoon and they invited a bunch of wet, fangirls from the street up to the studio to meet them. The girl above takes the fucking cake and smashes it. She is so excited that she’s eating her hair. Literally. Eating her hair is probably the only thing that is keeping her from devouring that Jonas Brother next to her. Sorry, I don’t know their first names and I’m not about to learn.

She’s like Sanjaya’s crying girl all grown up. The Jonas Brothers must have had a ton of security around them, because that girl looks like she’s ready to tear a piece of their skin off to take home with her.

I shouldn’t make fun of her ass! I act the same way whenever I go to IHOP and they bring out my International Passport breakfast.