Rachel Zoe! What are you doing in Texas?! – Guanabee

Mimi takes her man toy on a second honeymoon. Wait, they are still together? – Popsugar

Spot the fake Kim Kardashian ass! – Cityrag

Miley Cyrus’ spoiled brat face (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Will there be a Brangelina/Aniston showdown at the Toronto Film Festival? – Lainey Gossip

Saint Angelina is friends with a porn star – Hollywood Rag

Cher terrorist strikes Wales – Towleroad

Jenny McCarthy in a bikini. Jim Carrey is going to wear that shit later – Egotastic!

Aubrey O’Day never takes her make-up off – – Just Jared

Jennifer Aniston bends over – Hollywood Tuna

Alicia Sacramone knocks a bitch out – IDLYITW

I’m going to assume that Princess RiRi was in a bikini pinch, so she quickly searched through the discount bin of a low-rent lingerie store and picked out the first two things she could fit into. For a second there I thought she was wearing smiley face bikini briefs. I mean, those things are “period panties.” They aren’t meant to be worn at the beach.

Here’s Princess RiRi sunning her tenhead in Barbados with her man Chris Brown. I’m surprised her royal forehead got on a banana boat. I love those things. The last time I was at the beach and wanted to get on one, my cunty ass friend said, “Don’t let Michael get on it! His ass will suck it up.” Rude. True, but rude.

You know who should play Freddy Krueger (see below)? Katie Holmes’ pegged jeans! Those things are making people fuck their eyeballs with their pinky finger. Not me. I love them like a double-sided dildo. I was about to send out a search party for them! Thankfully, they have returned to me in all their fugly 80s glory! I would hug them if I saw them in person, but I would probably catch “The Scientology” from them.

And why is Katie covering herself with that alien case? She probably queefed out a little barley water. It’s okay, Katie. Tommy Girl does that all the time.

One…two….Billy Bob’s coming for you. No. That doesn’t have a nice ring to it. Michael Bay is currently working on butchering the classic “Nightmare on Elm Street,” and apparently he’s signed Billy Bob Thornton to play Freddy Krueger. Billy Bob would make a better Crypt Keeper instead.

What is wrong with Robert Englund? You can’t make a “Nightmare” movie without Robert. He IS fucking Freddy. You basically just need him and Heather Langenkamp! Those bitches aren’t doing anything. Although, I would rather Heather reprise her role as Marie in the TV remake of “Just the Ten of Us.” But that’s just me.

I mean, Billy Bob?! I guess he sort of makes sense since his face makes kids eat their own hair, but he’s no Robert Englund!

Everyone is talking about the Olympics. I’ve even caught my dog humming the Olympic theme every now and again. In honor of the Olympics, NY Magazine asked Diddy if there were a new Olympic sport that he thinks he could win the gold medal in, what would it be? You know he’s been waiting for this question. I’m surprised he didn’t say he would win the gold in “moisturizing the sexy.”

Instead he said, “Who could have sex the longest. I think that’s an event I can do well in. And probably who could stay up the longest. Just so you know, that’s supposed to be funny. Even though I am serious.”

It would have to be a solo event. He would also get extra points for screaming his own name and cumming douche water.

Surprise, Surprise…Adrian Grenier and Isabel Lucas have broken up. Blame LaDouche! – A Socialite’s Life

Kanye West as a puppet – Celebitchy

Jennie Garth pretends to be upset about Tori Spelling walking out of “90210” – ICYDK

“Maid in Manhattan” the TV show?! As long as JLo’s no-talent ass isn’t in it, I’m okay with this – SOW

Vadge will save her shitty marriage by adopting another kid! That makes sense – Holy Moly!

One of the hot hot bitches from “Y Tu Mama Tambien” is a daddy – Celebrity Baby Scoop

ScarJo stands up for the memaws – I’m Not Obsessed