Excuse me while I slowly inhale these pictures. I’ve been aching for this much needed Wino fix. It feels so warm. Look at all the purdy colors. Life is beautiful again. Phew. It’s been forever sine Wino properly graced us with her crackie presence. I was beginning to fade fast.

The Crackie of Camden was back to ruling the streets last night, with her goddaughter in tow. It’s never to early to the learn the ways of the crackie. The Wino we all have come to know and love (?) once again attacked some stranger on the street.

The Sun reports that for some reason Wino slapped a middle-aged woman on the street and yelled at her , “Let fucking go of me, dickhead.” She went on to say, “you fucking bitch!” Welcome back Wino. I’ve missed you.

The people of Camden should know better than to go out at night when there’s a crackie on the prowl. That middle-aged woman had it coming! You can probably see her crack hive coming a mile away. That’s your warning to head indoors, lock up and immediately hide your ice pops, light bulbs and spoons. The Crackie of Camden is on the loose!

Here’s more of my beloved Wino looking like a greasy, hairy Slim Jim last night in Camden.

The patron saint of self-promotion, Donald Trump, has saved the fucking day. Trump will buy Ed McMahon’s pepaw kingdom, saving it from foreclosure. Trump will then lease it back to the pepaw, so that Ed and his wifey can continue to live there. Trump better clean off his trophy shelf, there’s a Nobel Peace Prize coming his way.

Trump told The Los Angeles Times, “”When I was at the Wharton School of Business. I’d watch him every night. How could this happen? I don’t know the man, but I grew up watching him on TV.”

Pepaw Ed’s house was listed at $4.6 million this past weekend. He’s $640,000 behind on a $4.8 million loan. It’s not known how much Saint Trump paid for the house.

Do you think Ed knows about Trump’s plans to rename his house “Rosie O’Donnell is a Fat Slob Manor“?

If you blink, you might miss her! The legendary duchess of prime time television, Brenda Walsh, has finally made an appearance in the promos for “90210.” She’s in it for like two seconds. That disgusts me. She should be in every second of this promo.

Shit, they should just change the series name to “Brenda Walsh: Don’t Get It Twisted” and get it over with. I don’t care if the show is 60-minutes of Brenda eating an apple, it would be a hell of a lot more interesting than watching any of these skanks. The lead ho reminds me of Ali Lohan and that is a bad, bad thing. I keep waiting for White Oprah to pounce in and scream, “Aliiiiiiii.”

So, note to the producers. The only way you can dress up this oatmeal-looking mess is by adding a lot more cinnamon sugar aka Brenda Walsh.

Ellen Degeneres and Mandy Rogers aka Portia de Rossi are going to tie the vagina this weekend in California. UsWeekly reports that the two blonde gayelles will have a small ceremony now that it’s legal for gay hos to ruin their lives by getting married.

Last May, Ellen announced on her show that she would make Portia an honest woman.

This is the only thing I want to know. Are Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon going to be there? If so, I will jump my sick ass on a plane and crash that shit! Dancing cheek-to-cheek with Rojo Caliente to a Melissa Etheridge song would make my life. And I’m not talking about the cheeks on our faces.

Hopefully, Portia didn’t sign any pre-nup. She can’t really get knocked up by Ellen, so that’s her only best bet! Sorry, business first, pleasure second.

And does anyone know an address where I can send them a gift certificate to Homo Depot as a congratulations? Actually, Ellen and Portia are fancy gayelles. I would have to send them a gift certificate to Homo Depot EXPO instead.

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may motorboat the bride” – Molly Jones

Runners-up:

The mullet of wedding dresses. Business on the bottom, Party on top. – Jennyann002

it was obvious to all the wedding guests what “something new” referred to…… – snowpiece

Thanks Sarah

Nastia Liukin – This hot slut won the Olympic gold medal in the women’s all-around gymnastics final last night. I’ve been eyeing this ho from this beginning! Mainly because her name is Nastia and I like calling her Nasty-a. I wish my name was Nasty-a. I also love her because she hardly smiled through the whole thing. If looks could fucking kill. And I’m glad she beat that 12-year-old ho from China! There’s no way that bitch is 16!