Tommy Girl Got His Jeans Back

/ August 15, 2008

There is absolutely no way that Katie Holmes’ pegged nightmare jeans belong to Tommy Girl. Katie could wear Tommy’s jeans as capris, maybe. I don’t know why she would want to wear his jeans. That shit is probably stained with John Travolta’s peen snot.

These two harebrained aliens walked to their car in NYC today without a care in the world. It seems that Katie only smiles around Tommy Girl. It’s not that she wants to. It’s that she HAS to. It’s in her contract. Right under the clause that states she must moisturize his chode with barley lotion every Sunday. Or maybe Katie has some sort of “make me smile” button on her palm. That’s why he’s always grabbing on to her like she’s a 12″ dildo.

Here’s Stepford Katie, her owner and Suri in red bouncing around NYC this afternoon.

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At Least She Had A Designated Driver

/ August 15, 2008

Police in Texas arrested 35-year-old Jennifer Lynn Rosenberg after they found out she made her 12-year-old daughter drive her to the bar. Too bad Jennifer doesn’t live in Long Island. She would have succeeded White Oprah as their Mother of the Year.

The po-po pulled over a minivan for turning into a driveway without signaling. The minivan then bumped in a house. After they found out the driver was a 12-year-old girl, they asked her where her parents were. The girl admitted that she just dropped her mommy off at the bar.

Jennifer was immediately pulled away from her White Russian and arrested. She’s still in jail on a $2,500 bond. Child Protective Services said they were “investigating” the matter. What’s to investigate? The drunk bitch made her child drive her to the bar?! If that doesn’t scream “don’t pass go, don’t collect your child,” then I don’t know what does.

This story reminded me of Holly Schnobrich who made news last year after she made her 5-year-old son drive her around because she was too cracked out on pills. When asked why she made him drive, she said, “He’s a good driver.”

Thanks Kath

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Afternoon Crumbs

/ August 15, 2008

Phelps! Phelps! Phelps! – Cityrag

Brian Austin Green wants to be The Riddler. The world laughs! – Lainey Gossip

Selma Blair wearing one of Gay Al’s favorite summer outfits – Egotastic!

Wrangler is trying way too hard – Towleroad

The secret of ScarJo’s success – IDLYITW

Ha! Ha! We can still see you, Brit! – Hollywood Rag

My Little Pony Parker galloping through the fields of Ireland! – Popsugar

Uncle Joey is still blabbing about Alanis MorrissetteI’m Not Obsessed

Are HoHan’s gayelle days almost over? – Mollygood

Is Gwen Stefani ever going to pop? – Just Jared

Margaret Cho’s return to television – A Socialite’s Life

Blah..blah…DMX arrested again…blah… – ICYDK

Somebody needs a mirror! Beth Smiths calls Linda Hogan a slut” Celebitchy

Khloe Kardashian is a monster coming to eat your children (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Marla Maples in even more staged candids – Hollywood Tuna

Vadge thinks she’s 36 – Holy Moly!

Katie Holmes is drunk – Cityrag

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What Do You Expect Him To Say?

/ August 15, 2008

The hillbilly hooker who swears she bumped fuglies with Casey Aldridge while he was dating Jamie Lynne Spears is a liar! Well, that’s what Casey claims anyway. A source told TMZ that Casey called up the Spears family to let them know that 28-year-old Kelli Dawson is fibbin’. And I bet you he used that exact word. “Hot damn! She be fibbin’!

Casey said that the picture of him touching tongues with Kelli was taken before he started getting it on with Jamie Lynne. He said that Kelli sold her fake story to make some cash. She probably needed the money to bail out her uncle/boyfriend.

What do you expect Casey to say? To quote Madonna from Body of Evidence: “I don’t know why men lie. They just do. MEN LIE.

Obviously, Casey ate from Kelli’s possum pie and she sold her story. Next time Kelli should try and get better and more scandalous pictures of them. Touching tongues is harmless. I mean, Angelina Jolie used to do that with her own brother all the time.

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Bernann McKinney: The Craziest Bitch Of Our Time

/ August 15, 2008

The crazy dog cloning lady aka the Mormon man rapist aka Bernann McKinney is getting so much action on this site that she needs her own fucking tag. In case you have no idea what I’m babbling about, let me fill you in. Well, first you need to slap yourself with a rubber vagina, because you really should know about this story.

So…Bernann paid Korean scientists $50,000 to clone her dead dog Booger. She made international headlines. Someone recognized her crazy ass as a woman named Joyce McKinney. Joyce kidnapped and sexually assaulted a Mormon dude in England in the 1970s. She fled England and spent the next 30+ years doing a bunch of hood rat stuff including breaking into a dog pound and whoring herself out for drugs. Bernann confessed that she is indeed Joyce McKinney.

Well, the bitch has been recognized again! Officials in Carter County, TN claims Bernann is the same bitch who was charged with criminal conspiracy to commit aggravated burglary and contributing to the delinquency of a minor in their town in 2004.

Apparently, a woman who looks a lot like Bernann convinced a 15-year-old boy to break into a house to steal some cash. She said she needed the money to buy a fake leg for her horse. Feed me to the fucking alligators, I’ve heard it all!

The woman then skipped town, missing her trial. Officials are currently deciding if they wish to pursue the matter. They said, “It’ll depend on where she is now, how important the case is, how much it would cost the taxpayers and whether witnesses are still around.”

AND (yes, there’s more) with all the attention she’s been getting, Bernann has left Korea without her cloned puppies. She’s on the run and might be coming for you.

Previously, I said that Lifetime needs to work on a movie about Bernann’s life. I take it back. This shit right here was MADE for John Waters. It’s a shame Edith Massey has passed away. The role of Bernann McKinney was meant for her.

Source

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Why So Queefy?

/ August 15, 2008

Is SamRo making a “queef face” because she thinks HoHan’s new hair stinks? I sort of agree. It’s like a lovely shade of peach barf. However, maybe she’s slowing embracing her inner ginge and her weave will soon make it to her natural color. But who knows what her natural color is anymore.

Even my mommy cares about the lesbionic adventures of SamRo and HoHan. Although, she doesn’t really know their names. She calls them “the butchie” and “that girl from Angry Girls.” Of course, she means the bull dyke and the ho from “Mean Girls.” You know how moms are.

Here’s “the butchie” and the chick from “Angry Girls” at the opening of Apple (no relation to the iPod hos) last night.

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