MTV has already announced its plans to commit first-degree murder by remaking the cult musical “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” It will only be shown on MTV. Hey, look on the bright side. This will be the first time in many years that MTV actually plays music.

Casting hasn’t been announced for this diarrhea fiesta, but sources claim Russell Brand has been asked to fill Tim Curry’s garter belt as Dr. Frank-N-Furter. I think I’m going to be sick. I just imagined Russell’s twin furballs stuffed into lacy panties. I can take his furballs on their own, but not in a pair of skimpy muff covers.

Russell has had some success in the US with his role in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” so whores at MTV think he’s a perfect choice. You know who’s an absolutely perfect choice to play this role? Tim Curry circa 1975. That’s who!

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People Magazine better put a few million dollars away just in case international supermodel Phoebe Price is with child. I’m sure there will be an all-out bidding war for the exclusive pictures of her beloved chicken cutlet baby. I hear Backyard Poultry magazine has major bank!

Now who could the father be? I’ve narrowed it down to Russell Brand, Foghorn Leghorn, Chicken Boo, and Michael K. Okay, scratch off the last name. Wishful thinking!

Here’s more of PP looking like a stunning bouquet of red fern and violets outside of Mr. Chow last night. And in the image above, I totally thought that was Jay Leno standing in the doorway, mesmerized by Chicken Cutlets’ beauty. It’s just an imposter!

24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina of Puerto Rico apparently told his family that when he passes away, he wants to stand upright through his wake. Well, his family granted his wish. Dressed in a Yankees cap, sunglasses and a gold chain, Angel was mourned by family members while standing tall in his mother’s living room for 3 days.

The funeral home told The Associated Press that they used a special embalming treatment to keep him standing. His brother said, “He wanted to be happy, standing.”

The police are currently investigating Angel’s death. His body was found underneath a bridge last Friday.

I guess it’s not that strange. I mean, I want half of my ashes stuffed into one of Shauna Sand’s exquisite lucite heels. I want the other half scattered along Robertson Blvd. That way I will always be with international supermodel Phoebe Price. Oh and save a line of my ashes for Amy Wino. I want her to snort me up, Keith Richards-style.

Okay, I take it back. After going through these pictures, I need someone to hold my hand and feed me a Twinkie. I’m a little uncomfortable

Hideously ugly tattoos in stupid places – Cityrag

Karl Lagerfeld as Lil Wayne – Lainey Gossip

Ceiling Eyes showing off her fake tittays – Just Jared

And here she is showing them off some more (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Kelly Brook wears the fugliest bikinis – IDLYITW

David Beckham the Musical?! They’ll have to find a male soprano to sing the title role – Popsugar

Brian McFadden says straight men don’t wear pink – Towleroad

Kate Beckinsale stuffs her “pharaoh’s tomb” into a bikini – Hollywood Tuna

Is Kate Moss a band wrecker? – Hollywood Rag

We all can see Meagan Good’s nipples – Egotastic!

Chris Kattan and his new wife, model Sunshine Tutt, have split up after only 8 weeks of marriage. Okay, let’s talk about her name first. Sunshine Tutt?! I don’t like that shit. Let’s call her Sunny Titts instead. That’s better.

Chris’ spokesbitch told UsWeekly that the two are “separated for the moment. No plans for divorce at this time.” Sunny Titts and Chris married in California on June 28th after dating for 3 years. They got engaged in 2006.

I’m fucking telling you. Marriage kills everything! Every time a couple is married, a baby bunny dies a painful death. I’m sure of it. Look at Chris and Sunny Titts! They date for 3 long years, get married and two months later – DONE!

Oh, I see what’s going on here. Look at Sunny Titts’ face in the picture above. She’s thinking, “Ahahaha! This fairy monkey actually married me! I’ll be rich in exactly 8 weeks!” That warms my black heart. I love it when a gold digger almost completes her mission. I say “almost,” because we don’t know if there was a prenup. If Sunny Titts signed one, she’s dead to me!

Sorry to burst your cum bubble, but the supposed Bigfoot found in Georgia by a couple of dumb dumbs is nothing more than a rubber suit that can be bought in any costume shop. SHOCKING!

Two dudes claimed they found the body of Bigfoot in Georgia. They even held a big press conference last Friday where Bigfoot’s body failed to show up. The dudes plugged their website and a stupid Bigfoot hunting tour instead.

The owner of SearchingforBigfoot.com, Tom Biscardi, also got played by the two hoaxers. That’s pretty fucking ironic since Tom is a Bigfoot hoaxer himself. According to Fox News, Tom paid an “undisclosed sum” to the hoaxers. He also sent a private investigator to Georgia to investigate the body. The PI found nothing more than a Halloween costume.

Tom immediately called the two dudes and they admitted it was all a hoax. They agreed to meet him at a hotel in California. When Tom showed up, they were gone. Bigfoot hoaxers on the run!

Yeah, I know. This is the most unsurprising news of the years. What’s with all these fucking hoaxes lately? First came the Montauk Monster and now Bigfoot! Don’t even get me started on that Chupacabra bullshit. These dumb bitch hoaxers need to stop playing with my emotions!