Time to put our “uncomfortable” caps on and hold hands! Helen Mirren is talking about date rape.

In the new issue of GQ Magazine (via Telegraph), Helen admits that she was date-raped a couple of times when she was younger. She said they never hit her, but she was locked in a room and forced to have sex. She never said “no,” because she was too naive back then. Helen also never reported the incidents to the police. She said, “No, you couldn’t do that in those days. It’s such a tricky area, isn’t it? Especially if there is no violence. I mean, look at Mike Tyson. I don’t think he was a rapist.” Mike Tyson thanks you for that comment, Helen.

Helen said that if a woman takes a dude to bed, gets naked, and then tells him “no” at the last second and he ignores her, it’s rape. But she went on to say, “I don’t think she can have that man into court under those circumstances. I guess it is one of the many subtle parts of the men/women relationship that has to be negotiated and worked out between them.” Negotiate?! Like over milk and cookies?

Gulp. This talk about date rape makes my nails sweat. Someone pass me a glass of water. I just got an uncomfortable lump in my throat. In the meantime, someone show Helen a PSA on date rape. NO MEANS NO!

In the interview, Helen also talked about coke! Now that I can handle. She said she used to adore coke. She said, “I loved coke. I never did a lot, just a little bit at parties.” She said she stopped doing it in the 80s when Klaus Barbie was found living off of a cocaine baron in South America. “I saw how my little sniff of cocaine at a party had an absolute direct route to this … horrible man in South America.”

Yes, Helen. Talk more about cocaine and less about date rape.

The Sun claims that the Crackie of Camden overdosed twice in the past year. They say “overdosed,” she says “Ice pops! Bring me ice pops!” Well, she really likes ice pops.

A source said that Amy Wino’s first overdose happened in August of last year when she had a little too much of cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Hmmm…I blame the ketamine. You can’t trust something that puts a pussy to sleep. The source said that Wino’s body started going into convulsions that were “like a scene from The Exorcist.” That’s not saying much. When Wino walks down the street, it looks like a scene from “The Exorcist.”

Her second “overdose” came last month and she was briefly hospitalized for it. At the time, her daddy said she had a bad reaction to medication, but we all know that was a bunch of caca. It’s been claimed that the real reason for her trip to the hospital was because she smoked too much weed. The source said, “She had smoked an inhuman amount of hash which resulted in acute cannabis poisoning. You have to take a shitload of pot to suffer that severe a reaction.”

She apparently smoked weed for 36-hours straight and the doctors are afraid her brains are permanently damaged. HA! What brains?

I’ve never heard of someone “overdosing” on weed before. Some of my friends have smoked weed for days straight and the worst thing that has happened to them is getting a severe craving for Pintos ‘N Cheese from Taco Bell. Okay, that’s pretty bad.

But I wouldn’t put it pass Wino. If anybody was going to overdose on weed, it would be Wino. You know that song, “I smoke 2 joints in the morning“? Wino probably changes the lyrics to “I smoke 200 joints in the morning! I smoke 200 at night!”

So guess what? Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has announced that her 17-year-old daughter Bristol is knocked up! This is too fucking perfect. Bristol is 5-months pregnant.

Dear Lifetime, you have found your next movie! Let’s see, Jamie Lynn Spears can play Bristol, for obvious reasons. I mean, she’s already done research on the role. Tina Fey and Megan Mullaly are too good to play Sarah. I know, Patricia Heaton’s evil ass can play her. She would be perfect.

Anyhypocritey, this exciting news continues on from the rumor I posted about yesterday, which was that Sarah faked a pregnancy and pretended to have given birth to a boy named Trig Paxton Van Palin. The rumor was that Trig was actually Bristol’s child and that Sarah was his memaw.

Sarah made the announcement today about her daughter being with child to shoot down rumors that she faked her own pregnancy to hide the family shame known as Bristol. So Bristol couldn’t have been pregnant with 4-month-old Trig, because she was too busy being pregnant with her own kid. Bristol’s got an alibi! I think we found a co-author for Lynne Spears’ next book on parenting.

Sarah issued a statement and said that Bristol is planning on keeping the child and marrying the wonderful father, Levi. Sarah goes on to say “Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. As Bristol faces the responsibilities of adulthood, she knows that she has our unconditional love and support. Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family.” The Palin family has also asked for privacy during this time. Yeah, good fucking luck with that. And do you blame Bristol? Where else is there to do in Alaska besides make babies and skin trout?

I just can’t wait to see what other scandals the Republicans may bring. Who knows, maybe Sarah is the one who is knocked up and Bristol is just returning the favor. Expect to see Sarah’s ass in mumus and leaky titties. Or maybe McCain will announce he’s a hermie. Or Cindy McCain will give birth to a pharmacist (yeah right, in her Vicodin dreams). Let me tell you, the possibilities on this are endless.

Source

Stella “Barbarella” Zotis from Project Runway 5 – I could listen to her say “letha” all day and all night!

Bill Kaulitz (19)
Tom Kaulitz (19)
Scott Speedman (33)
Melissa George (34)
Tempestt Bledsoe (36)
Padma Lakshmi (38)
Ricardo Chavira (37)
Gloria Estefan (51)
Dr. Phil (58)
Barry Gibb (62)
Lily Tomlin (69)

I love Diddy’s fucked up video rants, but this one is better viewed with your eyes closed. Diddy spinning the camera around isn’t doing my hangover any favors. While watching this shit, I kept stomping my leg down thinking I was on a playground spinner.

In his newest video, Diddy doesn’t understand why John McCain chose the chick from Alaska as his running mate. According to Diddy, there is nothing going on in Alaska. Diddy isn’t even sure if there are any black people or crackheads living in Alaska.

Somewhere in Alaska there’s a black guy and a cracked out polar bear, sitting in an igloo, crying icy tears over the fact that the almighty Diddy doesn’t know they’re alive.