I’m all for a little bit of stubble, but Brandon Walsh has a straight up pubic forest on his face. His face looks like the bottom of a bikini waxer’s trash can. There’s enough hair on his face to cover half of Hollywood’s bare crotches.

That hairy mess looks like it’s too much work. I already have to worry about maintaining the hair on my head and on my private situations. I can only imagine having to shampoo, condition, comb and flat-iron hair on my face. No thanks.

Anyhairy, Jason Priestly and Tiffani Thiessen showed up to the Nike and Human Race event in Los Angeles this past weekend. Jason was asked about his possible return to “90210.” Basically, it’s not going to happen anytime soon. He said: “Am I looking forward to it? Er, I’m intrigued by it. I think, like, I’m intrigued by it, sure.” Finally, he was asked if he wants to return. He replied: “Er, not really no.”

Listen. The last thing Jason wants to do is run around Beverly Hills with a bunch of twatty boppers. He would rather be up in the mountains, catching trout with his teeth and wrestling bears for their berries!

Nay Nay’s homely ass must give amazing cunnilingus – Hollywood Tuna

Alien head in a bikini – Egotastic!

Holly Madison, we can all see your chocha (NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Miley Cyrus’ $75,000 birthday gift to herself – Hollywood Rag

I want to go to Disneyland too – Popsugar

Zac Efron is Teen Vogue’s October cover girl – Just Jared

Nicole Cage still has mid-life crisis hair – Lainey Gossip

Celebrity chichis caught on film – Cityrag

Thankfully, Brit Brit kept her top on – IDLYITW

The Mac Dude talks about his gay porn experience – Towleroad

Star Jones’ new dude is totally throwing off my gaydar. I keep hitting the side of that shit, but it’s still not giving me an exact reading. I can totally picture her new dude’s manpussy puckering at the sight of a 12-incher. On the other hand, he totally looks like he mainly wears pleated Dockers and says the phrase “okie dokie” at least a dozen times a day. That makes me think he’s totally straight. But then again, he is kissing Star Jones. She attracts more closeted homos than the Republican Convention.

Here’s Star and her new man making children cry by touching lips at the US Open yesterday. Star should tear herself away from him for a quick minute and go tend to that sad pussy sitting on her head. It needs major loving….and a flea bath.

Something tells me that the curly-haired dude woke up to find hundreds of voicemails from a crying, crazy lady screaming, “CALL MEEEE! I LOVEEEE YOU! PLEASE!!!,” while dozens of cats meowed in the background. Curly haired dude was perplexed because the only thing he ever said to Aniston was “Hi.” And that’s all it takes.

Jenny Ann just shot a guest spot for “30 Rock” in NYC. According to NBC, she will play a “free-spirited, Fatal Attraction-like stalker.” Jenny’s character, Claire Harper, is Tina Fey’s old roommate and starts stalking Alec Baldwin. Playing a stalker? It makes sense. She’s done all the research already. I mean, she already knows the lyrics to The Police’s “Every Breath You Take.” She can sing it in ten different languages and can even play it on the kazoo.

Here’s Jenny, Tina and Jane Krakowski getting wet on the set the other night. This scene is totally going to be a “Friends” parody, right?

WHICH closeted actor who once dated an actress “beat the hell out of her,” according to her friend? (Page Six)

Fuck. Another violent blind item! Okay, I’ll guess Will Smith or James Franco?

WHICH hip-hop mogul had a hidden video camera installed in a light fixture in his bedroom? He likes to record his sessions with unsuspecting ladies for future replays. (Page Six)

Diddy? I mean, he is a self-proclaimed marathon sex champion.

WHICH high-profile restaurateur has been introducing top models and ex-beauty queens to billionaire playboys? The wealthy bachelors will get a chance to express their gratitude when the restaurateur asks them to invest in his business. (Page Six)

Gordon Ramsay or Ronald McDonald?

Which celeb pair snuck off to the toilets during the GQ awards do for a cheeky shag? (3am Girls)

Elton John and Lily Allen? Make up sex!

Kim KardASSIAN doing the sloppy pig wiggle – SOW

Daniel Radcliffe would make a seriously fugly (and hairy) chick – A Socialite’s Life

Eva LongWHORIA isn’t eating sushi, must be pregnant – Celebitchy

Heidi Montag can’t believe she’s not John McCain’s running mate. She might as well be – ICYDK

Tracy Chapman is back! – Mollygood

Wonky McValtrex is a liar – Pink is the New Blog

Jennifer Garner looking really pregnant. Maybe because she is pregnant – I’m Not Obsessed