Sorry Mr. Policeman, Jennifer Aniston isn’t letting you go anywhere – Popsugar

The chick from “Dream a Little Dream” got naked for MySpace – Egotastic!

Nasty Nastia’s Wheaties box! – Just Jared

Ashlee Simpson’s long-lost twin (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Keeley Hazell is allergic to shirts – IDLYITW

Saint Angelina is moody – Hollywood Rag

Joshuah from Big Brother quit his job over blonde highlights – Towleroad

Speaking of frosty flakes hair, here’s Keith Urban – Lainey Gossip

Censor bar art – Cityrag

One day Bat Boy is going to mistake Xtina for a greasy chicken bone and he’s going to swallow her whole – Hollywood Tuna

Meth face sex alert! TMZ reports that Jeremy Jackson, Hobie from “Baywatch,” is the star of a 45-minute sex tape currently being shopped around to the highest bidder. I’ll trade my half-eaten Spicy Chicken Wrapper from Burger King for it. That’s saying a lot, because that shit is good.

The tape also stars former porn star turned devout Christian Sky Lopez. The Hoff must be so proud. Seriously, he’s probably really proud. Jeremy issued a pretty hilarious statement about the tape:

“Listen, this video was made by my best friend. Between me and a casual sex partner who just so happened to be a former porn star. I was later physically threatened if I didn’t turn the DVD over to some drug addicted thugs.

They said, ‘Sky wanted it back and I didn’t want to ever be seen as a porn star, that she had turned to God and was changing her life.’ So I gave it up for HER and so they would not beat me up and ‘make my life hell’ as they had threatened. I was blackmailed. This private recording becoming public kinda sucks. But I thought people out there should know the truth and how far some people will go to make a quick buck.“

Meth kills brain cells. A porn star doesn’t want people to see her fucking on camera? And his best friend just happened to film it? I’m guessing a few mysterious baggies traded hands before the camera rolled. His reason sounds like the plot of an exceptionally bad episode of “Baywatch Nights.”

I’m not sure how hot a Hobie sex tape would be. He looks like he has an awful case of shriveled meth dick. It probably just lays there like a sad slug in the sun. That being said, I’ll gladly watch all 45-minutes of the tape. For research purposes of course.

Is Sienna Miller talking to her purse again? That silly slut! Sienna, your PUSS is the one with all the answers, not your purse! I swear! She’s been slapped in the head with a dangerous dong way too many times.

So! My favorite happy homewrecker isn’t so happy. Sienna is depressed because the press in England has labeled her a shameless whore. The final straw came when some hater of loose women spray-painted the word “SLUT” on her house. I take that as a compliment, but I guess Sienna didn’t appreciate it.

Sienna has decided to pack up her floppy vag lips and flee London for Los Angeles where she plans to shack up with Balthazar Getty. Sienna’s step-mommy said: “It’s disgusting that she can not live in her own country. Now she’s going to have to leave the country to get on with life. She can’t live here now. Why is it that if a man leaves his wife the new woman gets all the shit? That doesn’t happen the other way round.”

Um….bitches are just as rude as here. Sienna needs to embrace it. When someone calls her a “dumb skank slut,” she should say “thank you.” That’s what I do! I’d rather be a slut who sucks dicks in their sleep than a frigid bitch who can’t even squeeze out a shit.

And something tells me the sale of male chastity belts will go waaaaaay up in Los Angeles once Sienna arrives.

The trailer for “Milk” is here and it’s pretty evident that Sean Penn will get nominated for one of those gold statue things. The film is based on the life of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man elected to political office. It was directed by Gus Van Zant. Hopefully, “Milk” will redeem Gus for that “Pyscho” fiasco. Casting Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates was just criminal.

“Milk” also stars James Franco, Josh Brolin, Diego Luna, Emile Hirsch and Victor Garber. Victor Garber! I mean, bell bottoms, terry cloth shorts and Victor Garber? I’m in.

Alice Newstead is hooked on saving sharks. That’s going to leave a mark! – SAYOR

The mighty Oprah will guest on “30 Rock” – A Socialite’s Life

Speaking of Oprah, some clothing store is suing her mom for $155k – I’m Not Obsessed

Anne Hathaway has a new beard – ICYDK

Mackenzie Phillips is giving rehab another shot…for the 10th time – Celebitchy

Keira Knightley voted the best pout. But does she say “prune“? – Holy Moly!

Another fucking Montag? They must be stopped – Mollygood

David Spade’s ex-fuck buddy, Jillian Grace, gave birth to their baby in Missouri on August 26th. The baby’s name hasn’t been announced.

David found out about the pregnancy earlier this year and said that he would take responsibility if the baby proves to be his. I guess the baby is his, because his spokesbitch issued this statement to People: “David and Jillian have been in close contact throughout her pregnancy and he plans to go see the baby during his first break from shooting Rules of Engagement.”

How sweet. He’ll see the baby when he can. I’m sure he did send baby a few baby vomit napkins from Petit Tresor. That shows that he cares. And what in TV hell is “Rules of Engagement” anyway? My Tivo is even shrugging its shoulders to that question. Wasn’t that a movie with Anne Archer?

Okay, now that David Spade has produced a baby, it’s time to fix him. Spay the Spade! I know, it’s really “neuter the Spade,” but that doesn’t have the same special ring to it.

Source: E! Online