Mimiger

/ September 10, 2008

Mimi has dumped Benny Medina as her manager and will now represent herself!!

She issued this statement to E! News: “Benny Medina and I will continue to work together on projects both present and in the future. I’m looking forward to working with Benny on what we have been developing, and to his continued involvement in my creative life.”

Blah…blah…who cares about all that? All I care about is the fact that Mimi is her own manager now! This is only good news for us. I’m sure Benny was a party pooper who axed all of Mimi’s grand ideas!

Now when Mimi decides she wants to do an album of lullabies dedicated to Hello Kitty, there won’t be anybody to stand in her way! Or when she gets the brilliant idea to model her new look after all the characters from Strawberry Shortcake, Benny won’t be there to poo-poo on her rainbow parade.

Finally, Mimi can make all of her fucked-up butterfly fantasies come true! This news has made me so happy. To quote Allison from Intervention: “It’s like I’m walkeeeeen on sunshine!

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Josh Hartnett Is Suing Mad

/ September 10, 2008

Remember that story claiming Josh Hartnett was caught on CCT doing sexy times with some chick in the library of a London hotel? Well, Josh isn’t happy about the story. He’s so unhappy about it that he’s suing the Daily Mirror, the newspaper where the story originated from.

Josh denies the incident. During an interview on a British talk show, Josh said, “It’s incredible the stories they the come out with. In the States at least they have to make a call to a representative and try to make a reality out of the situation. Over here they just make things up.

They do that in the States? Since when? And I refuse to believe a British tabloid would just make this up! They don’t lie! They always tell the truth. If it wasn’t Josh Hartnett in the tape, then it had to be another celebrity! I need to believe this. My genitals need to believe this. Wait….does anybody know if David Duchovny was in London recently?

Josh is seeking damages and an apology from the Daily Mirror. Instead of suing their asses, Josh should send them a “thank you” note for keeping his has-been name in the news.

Here’s Josh leaving rehearsals for the stage version of “Rain Man” in London. Josh plays the Tommy Girl role in the play version of the movie. No, I’m not joking.

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Big Mac Lover

/ September 10, 2008

Some bitches are addicted to normal shit like crack, booze, sex and shopping. Don Gorske of Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin is addicted to eating Big Macs from McDonald’s. He’s reaaaaaaallly lovin’ it. He’s the Amy Wino of McDonald’s and Ronald McDonald is his dealer.

Don’s obsession for the heart attacks in a box began on May 17, 1972 and he’s still at it. Last month, Don gobbled Big Mac #23,000.

I weep for his bowels. I also weep for his toilet. His toilet must see some fucked up shit. Literally.

Thanks to his OCD, Don keeps receipts of every Big Mac he has ever eaten in a box. He eats two Big Macs and two parfaits a day. In the past 36 years, he’s missed his daily Big Mac only eight times because of work emergencies and other shit like that. In 1982, his local McDonald’s closed because of a snow storm. Don now keeps a few frozen Big Macs in his freezer just in case.

Despite his diet of shit food, Don claims he’s healthy. He’s 6’2″ and weighs 185 pounds. He walks about 16 kilometers a day.

Don said: “Sometimes people call me a freak but it doesn’t bother me. I just say respect people as they are. I just want to make sure people understand I’m not going to change.”

Don wrote a book on his obsession and was also featured in the documentary “Super Size Me.”

I thought I had a fucking problem with eating a bunch of crap on a daily basis. This dude makes my diet look like Vadge’s. I mean, how the fuck is he still functioning? How has his stomach not fallen out of his body or his heart not gone on strike?! McCoronary!

As soon as I read this story, I immediately wondered if Don’s obsession for Big Macs goes beyond just eating them. Do you think he sticks his pickle between their two buns and gives them an extra shot of mayo? You know he does.

And thanks to Don, I think we found Posh’s new “it” ‘do. The bowl-mullet! Bowllet!

Thanks Kate

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Like Mother, Like Daughter

/ September 10, 2008

There’s no better way to start your day than with two grouch faces wishing you a BAD MORNING. I’m pretty relieved to see that Baby Honor inherited her mother’s signature miserable expression.

I would be willing to take some medication for my allergic reaction to babies if it meant that I could spend a couple of minutes with Baby Honor. I’d “coo” at her and she’d roll her eyes. I’d wave at her and she’d give me the side-eye. I’d make stupid animal sounds to make her laugh and she’d burp in my face. That’s my kind of baby.

Although, Baby Honor does have a valid reason for being so grouchy. I mean, her name is Honor and she probably knows it.

Here’s MiserAlba and Honor in NYC yesterday.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ September 10, 2008

Ann Gillespie – The one and only Jackie Taylor from “Beverly Hills 90210.” Jackie was back to her old ways on “90210” last night. I haven’t seen that shit yet, but I read she had a drink in her hand during all of her scenes. Glad to see some things don’t change! When Ann isn’t playing the cokehead mother of that dumb bitch Kelly Taylor, she’s giving sermons at Christ Church in Alexandria, Va. Jackie Taylor is an Episcopal priest!!

For Sara

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