Raffey Gets Five

/ September 10, 2008

Anne Hathaway’s ex-beard, Raffey Folliero, was sentenced to 5 years in the chokey today for messing with God. Raffey pleaded guilty to all 14 counts against him for pretending to work for the Vatican and stealing around $6 million. During his plea, Raffey told the court, “I know what I did was wrong.

What a moron. I would’ve said, “It wasn’t me. It was Zach Braff.” DUH.

TMZ reports that Raffey also asked the judge to move him from his holding cell because of “unspecified inmate issues.”

Inmate issues?! Does it burn when he pisses?

It sounds to me like Raffey might be sharing a cell with AntonioI like beating men over the head with my 8-inch sausageVasquez.

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Who’s Adam?

/ September 10, 2008

Kiki Dunst and the Mac Dude have reportedly been exchanging fluids for a few weeks now, but she denies it. The two bed bug-ridden mattresses have even been photographed a couple of times together, but she STILL refuse to admit it.

Harper’s Bazaar (via UsWeekly) asked Kiki about her relationship with Justin Long, “I don’t know him from Adam. I met him once and he and his friend were kind enough to walk me home. I’ve never seen him since.”

Kiki has the right idea. Deny. Deny. Deny. When someone asks her about crappy performance in “Marie Antoinette,” she should just respond, “That wasn’t me.” Or when they ask her why her flour tittay sacks hang so low, she should say, “I don’t know titties from Adam.”

Image: Metromix

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Mrs. Lindsay Ronson?

/ September 10, 2008

Is that a bull between SamRo’s legs or is she just happy to see us?

The Sun reports that SamRo used her labia lickin’ lips to tell a bunch of strangers that she will marry HoHan by the end of the year. While DJing at the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles, SamRo apparently announced: “By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs Ronson. Tonight shows the power of a woman – to underestimate that is to underestimate the world.” Pussy power!

HoHan also feels the same way about her punane pal. She talked about their matching tattoos to Marie Claire magazine: “Samantha has a bunch of stars, so I got that. I’m really happy. She’s a great person. And she’s a great influence on people around her.

HoHan has been doing so well lately. Why eff it all up by getting married? The only acceptable reason for a HoHan/SamRo wedding is so that White Oprah can give a drunken “mother of the bride” speech during the reception.

And if HoHan becomes Lindsay Ronson, what will I fucking call her? HoRon? It’s just not the same.

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Anne Talks About Rugs And Raffey

/ September 10, 2008

Anne Hathaway looks like a delicious pile of bon bons on a bed of cotton candy on the October cover of W Magazine. This is some “Valley of the Dolls” meets “Candyland” meets Wino shit. Those aren’t eyebrows over her eyes, they’re shrinky dinks. And Saint Angelina telephoned, she wants her trout lips back.

Anymess, inside the magazine, Anne fought the tears to talk about her swindler ex-boyfriend Raffey Follieri and that whole scandal. She said, “It’s a situation where the rug was pulled out from under me all of a sudden.”

Yeah, I’m sure the “rug” was pulled out from under her and then she buried her face in it. Sorry, my mind was in the lezzie gutter for a minute. Let’s carry on…

Anne went on to say,

“And [Get Smart co-star] Steve Carell stepped up for me during an interview when someone asked a question [about it]. He said, ‘At some point you’re going to have to talk about this time in your life. You don’t have to do it this week. I’ll take care of anything that comes your way.’ I’ve been shown such kindness. Not everyone gets that. A lot of people go through tough times alone.”

Yeah, I’m sure she’s been shown a lot of “kindness.” Kindness in the form of a little clam bumpin’. Sorry!!! I’m in the lezzie gutter again. Smells like an Eddie Bauer catalog.

Anne didn’t only talk about the whole Raffey fiasco, she also queefed over her “Devil Wears Prada” co-star Emily Blunt. Anne said, “Emily Blunt kind of changed my approach to acting. She just fucking got on with it. She’d just jump off the diving board. I’d stop, look at the water and then jump. And suddenly I just thought, Why, her way looks so much more fun.

Yeah, I’m sure she “jumped off the diving board” — OKAY! I’ll stop. I won’t go there again.

Visit W to read the entire article if you give a lezzie’s dildo.

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Morning Wood

/ September 10, 2008

The skanks of Charm School 2! Valtrex prescription not included – Vh1 Blog

Eva LongWHORIA looking stupid – Celebitchy

Portia and Ellen’s gayelle wedding video. They have a really nice fucking house – I’m Not Obsessed

Teri Snatcher’s quote about her 10-year-old daughter was taken out of context – ICYDK

Pamela Anderson and Jacko are not doing “it.” Phew. The world has been spared for now – Holy Moly!

The new “Quantum of Solace” trailer – SOW

Kanye West is jacking Pee Wee Herman’s style – Crunk + Disorderly

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