Antonio Vasquez Jr.,the man who hit a dude in the face and head with his 8-inch pork sausage, has been released from jail! Antonio was arrested after he stole $900 from a house then attacked one dude with his sausage and rubbed spices in the face of another. Silent movie foolery!

FresnoBee reports that he’s been released because there was not enough evidence to press charges. The 8-inch sausage in question was gobbled up by some slutty dog before the cops could get to it!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to travel to Fresno today for um….business…yeah…business reasons. Once I get there, I’m going to be really tired, so I’ll have to take a nap on the front porch of a house. And I like the fresh smell of oranges when I nap, so the house will be near an orange orchard. I’ll also be a little hungry when I wake up from my nap, so I’m going to leave a 10-inch pork sausage (yes, it’s like that) on the kitchen counter. NOT in the fridge. I like my pork sausage at room temperature.

Did you get all of that, Antonio?

Mah Boo VS. Triumph – Popholic

Sir Paul to wed for a third time? Will he ever learn his lesson? – Holy Moly!

Russell Crowe really wants Australia to let Snoop Dogg into the country – Celebitchy

Larry Birkhead pimps out Dannielynn in honor of her 2nd birthday – I’m Not Obsessed

The “Jude Law Bald Head Watch” continues – A Socialite’s Life

Matthew McConaughey guest DJed on NPR. You read that correctly – E! Online

Anna Wintour runs? – Mollygood

Steven Soderbergh is working on a biopic of the one and only Liberace! Variety (via CS) reports that Steven has picked Michael Douglas to play Liberace.

Matt Damon is also in talks to play Scott Thorson, Liberace’s alleged companion of five years. Scott sued Liberace in 1982 for $113 in palimony. Even though Liberace denied he was gay, he still settled with Scott for $95,000 in 1986. In 1987, Liberace passed away of complications from AIDS at the age of 67.

Michael Douglas is the last person I can see playing Liberace, but I’ll still be 8th row center when this comes out. If it comes out.

You know Tommy Girl’s scientolohole is going to pay tonight when John Travolta finds out he lost his dream role! He loves any excuse to wear rhinestones and crushed velvet in public! Oh well, John. There’s always the Elton John biopic…..

Mario Lopez probably thought he looked like a sexy piece when he showed up to an EA Sports event last week, but unfortunately the chicks around him didn’t feel the same way. Rush & Molly claims that everyone was talking about how much foundation and mascara AC Slater had on. Fuck the mascara and foundation. Did he brush his eyebrows with a Sharpie? If he did, he’s my new soul ate. Sharpie and lucite are the fastest way to my black heart.

Mario should ring up the cover girl of all cover girls, Zac Efron, for a few beauty tips. While Mark is waiting for Zac to call him back, he should watch this educational video courtesey of Donna Mills. Don’t forget to “feather” your eyeliner!

Pizza Face Diaz is currently boinking Jennifer Aniston’s ex, Paul Sculfor, so it makes sense for Jenny to pick up Cammy’s leftovers. Hollyweird is just one big key party. According to the Mirror, Maddox’s arch rival has been seen with Gerard Butler.

Lainey also claims that Jenny and Gerard were “canoodling” at the Hyatt in Toronto on Sunday night. Gerry apparently had his hand on her thigh and also rubbed her shoulders and back. Methinks Gerry was trying to calm Jen down, because as soon as he started talking to her, she said, “ohmygodiloveyou…ithinkiloveyou….letsgetmarried…wait..impregnantwehavetoget married …ohno…yourgoingtoleaveme…iknowitiknowit…youregoingtoleaveme ….. NOOO!!!”

Gerry didn’t have a Valium on him, so he just rubbed her back. A back rub from Gerry is better than Valium. However, Gerry’s niceness is going to backfire! He doesn’t know what he’s dealing with. Someone send him the paperwork to file a restraining order just in case. It’s good to plan ahead.

Seriously, I hope Jenny is just using him for a little quick dick. Hopefully, that’s what her plan is. Gerry is a total heartbreaker. You can tell. Jen just needs to get in, get on, get off and then get out! But something tells me she’s already added him to her “future husband inspiration board.”

Yesterday, I posted a few pictures of Brit Brit with a clean weave getting her “pitcher” taken by Patrick Demarchelier for Vogue magazine. Well, I was lie-telling, because the shoot wasn’t for Vogue. E!’s Marc Malkin reports that the pictures must be for some other magazine. Hmm…what magazine? Is there a Cheeto Lovers Weekly Newsletter?

Brit was last on the cover of Vogue in November 2001. The issue went on sale only a few weeks after 9/11. The issue didn’t sell very well. The source went on to say, “Anna Wintour will never put her on the cover again. She’s just not a Vogue kind of girl.”

Basically, Vogue didn’t have enough cash in their Photoshop budget to put Brit Brit on the cover. And Anna Wintour better watch her bony ass! She has just declared war on the Cheetoloonies! Tomorrow morning she’s going to wake up with a pile of jumbo Cheetos puffs at the foot of her bed and she’s going to be terrified! And then she’s going to eat a couple. Well, they’re irresistibly cheesy!