During Jimmy Kimmel’s pre-Emmy special last night, he showed a “Grey’s Anatomy” spoof featuring the God of Water as Dr. McSwimmy. I approve of the sea cucumber stuffed speedos, but the Crocs…..THE CROCS! That is unforgivable! I don’t care if it was part of his costume! CROCS only belong on the hooves of the devil! Thankfully, Crocs did not make an appearance on the final cut.

Debbie Phelps was probably on set and refused to let this happen. What am I saying? She’s probably a Crocs-a-holic! I bet she owns Crocs high heels in every color. She thinks they look extra sexy when paired with her No Tummy Pants from Chico’s.

Below is the spoof featuring Dolphin Boy. They should have put the “censored” bar on his face instead. Well, you were thinking the same thing.

Image: JCChambersOnline – Video: ONTD

It looks like it’s going to be another dog caca-filled week here on Dlisted. That’s pretty appropriate, actually. Anyfeces, a judge in Los Angeles has evicted Dane Cook from his apartment, because he won’t pick up after his dog’s shitty ass even though his neighbor’s filed several complaints.

Dane is appealing the judge’s decision and claims that if he leaves that apartment, he will suffer emotional distress and his career will tank. You see, Dane said he only lives there, because John Belushi and Steve Martin used to live in the same building. Dane states in the documents, “I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration.”

Umm….Dane’s career is headed for the dog shit bin regardless if he lives in that apartment or not.

Dane went on to spew, “In the same way that writers can get writer’s block, comedians can really easily run out of ideas and ‘stories’; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment. I’ve seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it’s destroyed careers.”

If he’s allowed to stay, Dane will pay $40,000 to the owner of the apartment building for doggy poop damages.

I see what he’s doing here. The judge better see through this bitch’s fuckery and charge him with being a grade A asshat. That shit is punishable by life in a prison cell filled with dog diarrhea. Dane probably didn’t even write that crap himself.

And I don’t blame his dog for having the mega shits. Anybody would get a bad case of the runs from being around Dane that much.

Source: TMZ

This morning in NYC’s Central Park, David Blaine was hung six stories in the air for his latest and stupidest stunt. David will hang upside down for the next 60 hours straight. When the 60 hours are up, he will do something called a “death dive” to the ground. This is the first and last time you will ever see the words “David Blaine and hung” in the same sentence.

Doctors tell ABC News that David’s head won’t pop off his body (rats!), but he could have a stroke or go blind. David is hooked up to a catheter for all his needs. Please let that catheter explode all over his face.

I say we get a group together, go down to Central Park and take throwing rocks at the douche pinata. You know what? Eff that. I’m sure he’s only stuffed with dirty douche water and butt pebbles.

Here’s David with Kelly Ripa in Central Park this morning. Kelly’s crotch is definitely going through some messed up shit in these pictures.

Kate Moss and her Count Von Count-looking boyfriend, Jamie Hince, have broken up and this time it’s forever. That’s what some bitch tells The Sun anyway. A source said they split last Monday after some big fight. I’m guessing their body parasites just weren’t getting along. Or maybe Jamie got sick of getting his lip caught on Kate’s snagtooth when they kissed.

Now that Kate is single and ready to jingle, Dreamboat Doherty has apparently been begging her to take him back. One of Dreamy’s friends told The Mirror: “Pete is pretty single-minded about it. He is desperate for her to give him another chance. He’s spent most of the time in his Marlborough cottage trying to figure out a way to persuade Kate to take him back. He believes Kate is ‘the one’ and won’t give up the idea of reuniting.”

The friend said that Kate isn’t even entertaining the idea of getting back together with Dreamy. She’s still heartbroken about her break-up. I’m sure she can’t even look at a box of Count Chocula without bursting into cokey tears.

This story is so full of LIES! Stick this story to a polygraph-machine and see for yourself! There’s no way Dreamy is begging Kate back. It’s the other way around! She probably spends all night banging on his shanty house door, hoping he will take her into his pasty crack arms and slobber heroin phlegm all over her hag face! It’s not going to happen! Dreamy doesn’t beg anyone for anything. Well, maybe his drug dealer, but that doesn’t count.

A federal porn investigation has been launched after a picture of Jamie Lynn Spears breast feeding was stolen. Ewww. First of all, if you’re at all interested in seeing a picture of JL feeding her baby, then do us all a favor and go to your nearest free clinic. Ask them about their complimentary psychiatry services. All you have to do is tell them that you really want to see a picture of 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears’ post-pregnancy titty squirting out Kool-Aid and leche. They will immediately escort you to a back room and we won’t hear from you for a few months, but it will be for the best.

According to TMZ, Casey Aldridge took several pictures with his digital camera of Jamie Lynn with her baby. One picture showed Jamie Lynn breast feeding with her left chichi out in the open. Casey, who has chitterlings for brains, took the memory card down to their local WA-MA (aka Wal-Mart) for copies. Someone at WA-MA made extra copies and then tried to sell them.

JL is a minor, so the bitches buying and selling the pictures of her exposed breast could find themselves in federal prison for violating federal porn laws.

Federal and local authorities are trying to find the person who stole the pictures. Brit Brit’s lawyers also considering going after WA-MA.

Instead of going to WA-MA to get copies of JL’s titty, Casey should also go to the free clinic for a fucking brain transplant. Of course bitches are going to steal the pictures and try to sell them. Shit. Lynne Spears is probably behind this! Anything for an extra buck.

And I really should consider getting a part-time job at a photo processing place. They see the best and most fucked-up shit!

Image: INFDaily.com

Did Doogie’s dude just suck on a lemon? Wait. I bet Doogie’s peen tastes like Lemon Drops. – A Socialite’s Life

“Hole in the Wall” gets a huge STD injection – SOW

Eminem is working on a new album – ICYDK

David Duchovny asks Russell Brand for sex advice – Holy Moly!

Kelly Osbourne will write a tell-all. – I’m Not Obsessed

Dane Cook’s new movie is a piece of shit. No surprise there! – Mollygood

HoHan wants to move into NYC’s Dakota building. It’s nice to dream. – Celebitchy