I Miss The Red Lipstick

/ September 26, 2008

I never thought I would say that, but I do prefer Xtina’s signature red lip grease than the hot pink diarrhea she’s been wearing lately. Jem called and she wants her fucking lip color back.

You know, I don’t mind the hair so much. She looks like a drag queen doing a low-rent impersonation of Lady GaGa, but it doesn’t bother me as much as her fucking make-up. She needs an intervention! When you’re getting your face painted at Maaco, it’s to admit that you have a problem.

Here’s more of Xtina looking like she pees standing up at a Rock the Vote event in Los Angeles last night.

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Morning Wood

/ September 26, 2008

Dr. Drew is definitely a hot piece, but how big is his “other” muscle – TMZ

Ryan O’Neal is the greatest dad ever – Celebitchy

Hayden Panatroll’s daddy charged with punching his wife – A Socialite’s Life

Lady GaGa sucks at lip-synching – I’m Not Obsessed

David Blaine knows he sucks – Mollygood

Shenae Grimes blogs about being smoking twig – ICYDK

Liam Neeson doesn’t understand “method acting” – Holy Moly!

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Gold Digging Hero Of The Day

/ September 26, 2008

Calling all gold diggers of the world! Please take a moment to clap for Sunny Titts (aka Sunshine Tutt) this morning for a job well done! Sunny was only married to Mango for 59 days, but she’s skipping off with at least $100,000!

TMZ reports that according to the prenup Sunny should have only gotten around $10k. After negotiations, Mango decided to give her a low-six-figure sum.

Sunny’s lawyer said: “My client is very relieved that she can leave this two month marriage with some resources that will allow her to rebuild her life.

Not bad for a 3-month job! But this makes me wonder what kind of fucked up shit Sunny has on Mango? She probably caught his pit in another man’s fruit basket.

Can you catch a falling star without burning your hand? Can you put the sky in your mouth? Can you say to a rainbow… “Hey, stop being a rainbow for a second“? No, but she can take 100 grand from you. HAHAHAHA!

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HoHan Is Scared Of Daddy

/ September 26, 2008

HoHan’s war of words with her deranged daddy has gotten so bad that she feels she needs to take out an order of protection against him. According to Page Six, HoHan is afraid Michael Lohan is going to do something to her. A source said: “He’s behaving so erratically that she’s terrified he’ll do something to her. She’s contacted her lawyer to arrange this.

Michael Lohan is all fucking talk. If HoHan is so afraid of his psychotic ass, she should just wear a necklace of anal dildos. He won’t get near that dark-sided shit. On second thought, he was in jail……

The source claims White Oprah and her 45-year-old daughter Ali also have an order of protection against him.

White Oprah has been so quiet during all of this nonsense. It’s not right. I bet you she’s behind all of this! I won’t be surprised if we find out that Michael Lohan has been locked up in the basement while White Oprah gleefully sends out batshit crazy e-mails as him.

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It’s Wino…..

/ September 26, 2008

This is the worst I’ve seen the Crackie of Camden look in a long ass time and that’s saying A LOT! My neck is thicker than one of her thighs. Shit, I think my wrist is thicker than her thighs. Somebody please put her on the Michael K Diet Plan as soon as possible! Or check her into the nearest Hometown Buffet. Something!

Mitch Wino obviously doesn’t give a fuck. He’s too busy issuing statements, talking to the press, rubbing his fat ass belly and making himself famous. Wino should be handed over to Daddy Spears.

Wino ventured out of her crack den last night to perform at a charity event with her goddaughter, Dionne. No, Wino was not the charity case they were there to support. Wino was supposed to only provide back-up vocals for Dionne, but that’s not what happened. A witness told the Daily Mail that Wino ended up jumping all over Dionne while she tried to sing. The witness said: “Amy didn’t really sing a single note — it sounded more like she was grunting down the mic.?

At the end of night, Wino tried to headbutt a photographer after he tried to take a picture of her. She then ran backstage in tears. The witness went on to say: “Amy collapsed backstage in tears. She kept saying, ‘Life can’t go on, I can’t do this’.

When Wino got home, she screamed at the paps as she stumbled into her house holding her crack hive up. I’m pretty sure her crack hive wears more than she does. And it also looks like one of her ballet slippers ran away. It couldn’t stand this fuckery any longer.

Here’s more of Wino earlier in the night at the charity event and then outside of her Camden crack den. I apologize for including the picture of her scratching (or fingering?) her crackey ‘gina.

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Shia LaDouche Is Off The Hook (Sort Of)

/ September 26, 2008

Shia LaDouche was arrested on July 27th for DUI after a car accident in Los Angeles. It was later proven that the accident wasn’t really his fault, because the other driver had caused the crash. TMZ reports that the D.A. has decided not to charge LaDouche for DUI because there’s not enough evidence or some shit. Or maybe it’s because he’s The LaDouche and that means he is above the law!

Well, not completely above the law. LaDouche’s driver’s license has been suspended because he refused to a blood booze test. There will be a DMV hearing today to discuss just how long LaDouche’s license will be suspended for. The minimum penalty is one year.

The D.A. also said that even though they aren’t filing charges against LaDouche, they will charge the other driver for their involvement in the crash.

Let this be a lesson to you. The next time you’re caught driving drunk. First, refuse the blood booze test. Second, tell them you’re a LaDouche!

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