Yes, Adnan Ghalib still exists and he’s still trying way too hard to keep our attention. Adnan claims that he does have a tape of him and Our Lady of Cheetos bumping pork rinds in Mexico when she was going through that whole “I’m batshit crazy and loving it” phase. Adnan is ready and willing to sell the sex tape for the right price.

A source said the tape is 2 hours long and features Brit Brit in that busted pink wig getting it on with Adnan in a hotel room in Mexico. A source claims the 2-hour tape features Brit Brit in her busted pink wig while getting it on with Adnan in a Mexican hotel room. 2 fucking hours?! Please. You know Adnan busts it in 2 strokes or less. The tape is probably just Brit laying on some bed and making out with her bag of Cheetos Torciditos. It probably looks something like this.

Adnan tells Heat Magazine (via The Sun): “There is such a tape, but I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical enquiries. Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further. I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney. “

He won’t discuss Brit Brit’s private life, but he will show us her fried chicken strips dipped in ranch dressing. That’s nice of him. Adnan needs to give us the goods or go into the corner and play with his man titties while plucking out that hideous pussy strip he calls facial hair.

I’m talking about the bong trophy and not about The Franco. This is seriously my kind of award. Finally a trophy you can use for something other than beating bitches over the head with.

James Franco won this beauty from High Times Magazine for playing a mega stoner in “Pineapple Express.” This is what the Oscar should look like. Shit. I bet Charlize Theron turned her Oscar into a bong.

James claims that he doesn’t smoke regularly, but his eyes tell a different story. I see the green cloud passing through his eyes. He’s obviously day dreaming of Funions covered in nacho cheese and Doritos Fiery Habanero bits. I’m speaking from experience.

The awards ceremony also attracted the always lovely Alexis Arquette. You know Franco hit that shit over a men’s room urinal.

Here’s Tater Head leaving LAX yesterday (probably catching a return flight back from Idaho, AKA the Motherland) looking like the Ore-Ida version of Asshole Simpson.

Let me ask you this, who the EFF goes incognito wearing a flaming red wig? A frumpy mop made of delicious golden curly fries would have been less conspicuous. But it looks like it worked because one loner ass paparazzi with a disposable camera happened to be catching a flight back from Sheboygan and only took pictures after she shouted out “I am ze Asshole Simpson!”

Hash Browns, please! In order to look like Asshole Simpson you’re supposed to have a schnoz sponsored by Kleenex!

That being said, this is might be an upgrade. Or maybe I’m just saying that because I’m a sucker for the ginges. Even the faux ones.

In the new InStyle Magazine, Meg Ryan opens up her swollen pussy lips to blab about her fucked up marriage to Dennis Quaid. Meg yapped that she wasn’t the only one who cheated..blah…blah…blah! The bitch must have an alarm that goes off every few years reminding her to talk about this shit again.

Dennis Quaid isn’t letting Meg’s latest rant go without commenting on it. Dennis tells Rush & Molly: “It was eight years ago, and I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship. Also, I find it regrettable that our son, Jack, has to be reminded in a public way of the turmoil and pain that every child feels in a divorce. I, myself, moved on years ago and am fortunate to have a happy, beautiful family.”

They both whored around during their marriage. We all know this and we don’t need to hear it anymore unless they bring something new to the table like a sex tape. A sex tape with Dennis, I mean. I don’t need to see Meg Ryan’s moldy apple pie.

The next time Meg goes to the plastic surgeon’s office she needs to ask him to use a little fishing wire to sew up her trout lips. That way she’ll stop talking about something that happened 8 years ago. Speaking of her bloated vag lips, a source also tells R&M that Meg isn’t using botox to plump them up. She injects her lips with fat taken from her ass. I need correct myself then. Before I said she had “swollen pussy lips” and “bloated vag lips.” That was wrong of me. She really has puffy anal gland lips.

Mini people Janet Jackson and Troll Dupri were having an elf of a time at his 36th birthday party at Tenjune in NYC the other, when he had to ruin it all by barfing all over Miss Jackson (if you’re nasty). Page Six reports that Troll was guzzling champagne and tequila all night when he suddenly got the urge to purge and couldn’t wait to run into the little boy’s room. After Troll up chucked his goblin slime all over Janet, she got up and busted out of that joint to go home. Sucio. His barf probably smells like rotten chipmunk bits and soil covered roots. Well, that’s what trolls eat! Ask the Olsens.

I’m sorry, but there is no need to barf off someone if you can help it. Yes, I’ve puked on bitches before, but I meant to! Sometimes a dumb bitch just deserves a hot pile of vom in their lap.

You know, usually you’re given a few seconds warning, so you can get your little ass up and at least unload it on a stranger. If I was Janet, I would cancel that fucking relationship pronto. Barfing on me is a deal breaker unless I pre-approved that mess. Janet is a kinky bitch, so maybe she’s into that shit.

And you don’t even have to get a good look at the picture to see where the dip is. – ISprainedMyUvula

Runners-up:

Three Virgins. – Amber Waves

This is the only band left in Hollywood that Drew Barrymore’s no-no holes haven’t touched. – PunchDrunkBunny