What Has This Dolphin Done to Deserve This?

January 11, 2007 / Posted by:

Tara Reid has been brought to Australia by producers of the Magic Millions racing carnival in order to bring a little glamour to the event. Glamour?! I think instead of glamour, they brought unknown STDs to their country. Oh well.

Tara found time in her busy partying schedule to swim with the dolphins at Sea World. I hope the dolphins wore protection.

Tara said, “It was one of the most magical moments of my life . . . I’m on a total high. I think this will be my favorite experience – this is just amazing.”

When asked about his experience, the dolphin said “I have warts on my damn a-hole! WARTS ON MY A-HOLE! Who’s going to love me now? They paid me overtime for this, but still! My life is over! What was magical for her was a nightmare for me!”

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The New Princess Diana

January 11, 2007 / Posted by:

Kate Middleton isn’t officially engaged to Prince William and the media is already claiming she’s the new Princess Diana. The paparazzi has been relentless in hounding her ass and dozens of photogs regularly camp outside her home. Recently, the number of photographers outside her home as dropped due to Prince William’s plea to leave her alone.

Kate has been dating Prince William since 2003. Her family owns a mail order company. They are considered commoners even though they are wealthy. Kate works as a buyer for British clothing company, Jigsaw.

The papers have also listened to the Prince’s plea and aren’t using as many photographs of Kate in their coverage. The Daily Mail said, “[The Daily Mail] will do nothing likely to cause distress or upset to Miss Middleton and will always act responsibly in respect of any photographs taken of her.”

I actually like Kate Middleton. She’s average, smart and normal. She doesn’t look like she cares at all. That being said, I hope her dumps her ass for Britney Spears. Brit is definitely Princess material.

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The Becks are Coming!!!

January 11, 2007 / Posted by:

David Beckham will leave his team, Real Madrid at the end of the season in order to move to Los Angeles. Becks will bring the hotness that is Posh Beckham to California to play for the L.A. Galaxy. He has signed a 5-year deal with them.

He told Reuters, “After discussing several options with my family and my advisors to either stay here in Madrid or join other major British and European teams I have decided to join LA Galaxy and play in the MLS from August this year. I would like to thank supporters and the people of Madrid who have made my family and I so welcome in my time here making this an extremely difficult decision to make. I have enjoyed my time here enormously and I am extremely grateful to the club for giving me an opportunity to play for such a great team and their amazing fans.”

There’s no word on how much cash he’s collecting, but many are speculating he’s going to make a lot more than his current $250 Million contract.

Oh and by saying “after discussing with my family” he means “Posh told me.” I mean this is perfect. Posh was basically made for L.A. She’s going to practically live on Robertson. If she starts hanging out with Paris Hilton though, I’m going to fly my ass over there and personally beat her with her own bones!

Thanks naughtyvoyeur

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Halle is Pregnant With a Burger

January 11, 2007 / Posted by:

For the past couple of weeks, internet sites have started the rumor that Halle Berry is knocked up. She has been seen around town sporting a little (and I mean tiny) bit of baggage in the bun area. This has caused many people to think that she’s expecting boyfriend Gabriel Aubry’s baby. Halle squashed rumors at the People’s Choice Awards.

She said, “I wish they would stop that because being pregnant is such a serious event in a woman’s life and to make light of life when I had an extra burger is getting a little annoying.”

How is that making light of life? Why she got to put it like that and she had an EXTRA burger? Fat ass!

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Meryl Streep is a Dancing Queen

January 11, 2007 / Posted by:

Meryl Streep will star in the feature-film version of the Broadway hit Mamma Mia. The International hit musical uses the songs of ABBA to tell the story of a single mother of a young girl who doesn’t know who her father is. The daughter tries to find out who her father is and invites three candidates to her wedding in Greece.

Theater director, Phyllida Lloyd will make her film directing debut. Shooting will begin shortly in London and Greece for a 2008 release.

What’s gayer than gay? Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia the movie! I don’t even know what to say. Hopefully since Meryl is involved it won’t be that bad. She has made bad movies in the past, but she can usually turn a sour movie good.

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Richard Gere Heart Hookers

January 11, 2007 / Posted by:

Richard Gere spoke in front of 10,000 hookers in Mumbai, India and urged them to always use rubbers on the job. Richard previously played a lover of hos opposite Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. He continues to love the ladies of the night and support them.

He said, “Before, there was a total lack of knowledge among sex workers about HIV . . . Now there is a radical change. When sex workers speak of condoms as a norm, it is a powerful statement, it empowers them. No condoms, no sex.”

Many customers in India don’t like wearing condoms, refuse to or are willing to pay more in order to skip the rubber. Many hos in India don’t even know what condoms are.

Richard Gere, the Queen of the hookers! Who knew? I wonder if he also taught them how to quickly get a gerbil up your bum!

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