Somebody actually let Wonky McValtrex back into the studio to record a new song. Whoever opened the door for her hates music and living things. Wonky debuted her newest skank tune on Ryan Seacrest’s show on KIIS-FM this morning. It’s called “My BFF” and it’s dedicated to the leader of her mutant crab crotch army. They loves each other.

I shouldn’t really say that this is Wonky’s song, because it obviously belongs to Auto-Tune. Auto-Tune broke a fucking sweat and burned at least a million calories to make Wonky’s tattered scab voice sound semi-decent. If Hannah Montana became a crackwhore hooker and was forced to record a song to get her next fix, it would sound like this. The best part of the song is robot lady saying “On Air with Ryan Seacrest” over and over again.

Click here to listen this mess after I gave it such a thrilling review.

That fugly bra isn’t doing anything for Megan Fox’s tittays. And the sexy lady dude in the back is stealing the scene from her. – IDLYITW

Jennifer Aniston is still in Mexico and still in a bikini – Egotastic!

And she’s with a man too! Yes, he’s being paid to be near her, but still! (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Lance Bass’ awkward stunt kiss on DWTS – Towleroad

Speaking of stunt kisses, here’s Timberdouche and Biel in Rome – Popsugar

Crowe & Alley: Separated at the buffet – Cityrag

Man saves pooch from shark! – SAYOR

The Rock is still making movies – Lainey Gossip

Spoiler alert! Serena Van der Woodsen’s new love interest is prettier than she is – Just Jared

Mary Carey’s assy chest – Hollywood Tuna

Vanessa Hudgens bought a mansion for $2.75 million. Hopefully it has a make-up parlor for Zac – Hollywood Rag

What in the dirty mop water hell is going on here?! My extreme hate for my arch rival CHERYL BURKE just went up a gazillion points! Mop Head probably knew that Maksim Chmerkovskiy from “Dancing with the Has-Beens” is the only dude on that show I’d let go nuts deep. How dare she! I just want to wring her damn mop head out and then replace it with a squeegee head.

If Maksim has some kind of mop fetish, I’ll immediately put on a Komondor wig and scrub the shit out of his bathroom floor.

I’m so depressed. I’m going to go cuddle with my Swiffer and thank it for not having a mop head. While I’m doing that, watch Cloris Leachman’s never ending Lucille Ball impersonation on DWTS last night. This time Cloris looked like Lucy fucking up during a Man of La Mancha audition.

Michele Allen of Middletown, Ohio was arrested for acting the fool around a bunch of children while dressed in a Kirstie Alley costume.

The police were called after Michele put on a cow costume, pissed on a neighbor’s porch and chased a bunch of children around the neighborhood. How udderly rude! The officers warned Michele and told her to keep her udders to herself. They sent Michele back to her pen and thought that was the end of the mad cow, but it wasn’t.

A couple of hours later, the cops had to come back, because Michele was blocking traffic. Officers smelled booze on her breath and said she was slurring her words.

Yesterday in court, the drunk cow pleaded guilty and a judge sentenced her to a month in the clink.

A month?! Damn. I thought this was a free country! Since when are you not allowed to put on a dollar store cow costume and run wild in the streets? I better think twice before putting on my Porky Pig costume and flashing my curly tail to frat boys in bars. That was my favorite Sunday afternoon activity. And yes, I know my tail shouldn’t curl on its own. I’ll have a medical professional look at it.

Source

Thanks Andrew

In high school, there was this majorly butchie gym teacher who basically made SamRo look like fucking Claudia Schiffer. A lot of dumb whores would mistakenly call her Mr. Honeycutt instead of Ms. Honeycutt (the names have been changed to protect the innocent). When it came time to get into the pool, Ms. Honeycutt came out in a tight one-piece swimsuit. It made all of us slap ourselves in the eyes, because we couldn’t believe what we were seeing. We expected this bull dyke to come out in an oversized t-shirt and trunks to her knees. It made me feel uncomfortable at first, but then it was kind of hot. I like the unexpected.

I sort of felt the same way while looking at these pictures of SamRo and HoHan sunning their lezzie flaps in Cabo. Not only is SamRo wearing a bikini, but it’s pink and looks like it came from fucking Sanrio. And you think you know someone! Next you’re going to tell me that she isn’t the one who wears the strap-on!

Here’s more of these two hipster gayelles in Mexico. How do you say gayelle in Spanish? Maricalley? I just made that up, so it’s probably really offensive or doesn’t make any fucking sense.

Penn Badgley and Chace Crawford look like they just got jizzed on by Ken Paves. It’s known that Paves cums pomade and weave glue. Chuck Bass is the only one who doesn’t look like he just washed his mop in Astroglide. Hmmm….what does this mean? Chuck Bass doesn’t sweat or maybe he likes it dry. Even if Chuck is into dry gulching, he’s still the hottest bitch of the three. The other two look like they don’t know their way around a no-no hole, but Chuck Bass looks like he wrote the book on the subject.

These three future-has-beens are on the cover of November’s Details and they talk about a bunch of boring shit. Click here to read the interview. Chace does bring up his struggle with gayface. He says: “Model turned actor, dime a dozen, eye candy, doesn’t know what he’s doing … and Perez Hilton says I have ‘gayface.’ So on top of everything else, I have to overcome gayface.”

You know what’s the easiest way to cover up gayface? BUKKAKE FACIAL!

P.S. – If you have to ask yourself if you have douchebag hair, then you probably do. I’m talking to you, Adnan Ghalib.