Over the past few weeks, a camera crew has been following Brit Brit around doing a bunch of normal shit. I figured it was for some PSA warning us about the dangers of a busted weave. The footage is actually being used for a 90-minute MTV documentary called “For The Record” which will be shown on November 30th.

In the little preview above, Brit Brit sort-of talks about the good ole’ days when she was a bald-headed, pap fucking, umbrella wielding, Frapp lover. Here’s a few quotes:

Brit: “I sit there and I’ll look back and I’m like: I’m a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?”

Me: Ummmm….you were thinking “MUST HAVE FRAPP. MUST HAVE METH. MUST HAVE CHEETOOO.”

Brit: “I’ve been through a lot in the past two or three years, and there’s a lot that people don’t know.”

Me: I’ve seen your pork rind flaps, so I know more than I want to.

Brit: “Sometimes I think I get kind of lonely because you don’t open the gate up that much, you know I mean?”

Me: Yeah, it’s best if you keep those “gates” closed. See my comment above.

Brit: “You’re guarded. You have to be that way, so I’m kind of stuck in this place and it’s like: How do you deal? And you just cope, and that’s what I do. I just cope with it, every day.”

Me: Aw. That sort of made me frowny, Brit Brit. But then I think of all the delicious dolls you’re taking to help you cope and I’m jealous. I wish I had some. If only I could sit in your medicine cabinet for one hour.

Brit Brit’s video for “Woomanizah” also premieres on ABC’s 20/20 tonight. Don’t immediately cancel your weekly fuck buddy appointment. You can do both. Just let him hit it from the back while you watch.

Here’s a few pictures of Brit Brit looking sexy hot with an ice cream load in her mouth yesterday.

It was wrong of me to completely write-off Hugh Hefner’s new pair of skanks without knowing more about them. Thanks to TMZ, I’ve learned something new about these two cum dumpsters and now I think I love them!

Twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon, Hef’s 19-year-old new in-house girlfriends, have a bad girl past. These two pieces of trash were arrested this past January in St. Petersburg, Florida for beating a bitch at a house party.

One of the relatives of the victim said the twins, who worked at Wing House at the time, went to a party with one of their co-workers named Erica. Kristina got into an argument with Erica which led to Karissa hitting Erica over the head with a bottle. After that, both of the trash bag twins jumped Erica. They were arrested and later given probation and were ordered to pay restitution. Erica suffered a concussion.

Karissa was also arrested last year for allegedly beating another bitch.

This is the shit I like to hear. That incident also produced these beautiful matching mug shots. I like what the bitch on the left is trying to do with her eyebrows. Double the methbrows! She’s trying to distract from the crack pox on her forehead. These mug shots look like a “before and after” ad for Clearasil!

I hope these two meth skeezers raise hell in the Playboy Mansion, but they better not even think of fucking with Mary.

No. Katie Holmes should never be allowed to sing outside of Tommy’s soundproof Scientology dungeon. She should not sing or try to dance anywhere else. It’s making L. Ron Hubbard angry and Tommy doesn’t want to do that.

Above is a clip from “Eli Stone” of Stepford Katie trying way too hard to bring the sexy while bouncing around and shrieking. If you’re going to watch it, turn the volume down unless you want to set off a few car alarms or open your garage door. Okay, the last part of her singing isn’t that bad, but the whole thing is just really awkward. Tommy Girl should have done this shit instead. He definitely would have brought the big girl sexiness the role required.

Below are some pictures of Katie and Suri shopping around yesterday. In the last thumbnail, I think Katie is trying to sing a lullaby to Suri and she doesn’t approve.

Daisy De La HOya, the stripper Muppet with mutant vagina lips from Rock of Love 2, is getting her own Vh1 show. Why not? Vh1 is handing these shows out at the free clinic. With every 5th Valtrex refill, you get your very own Vh1 reality show!

Vh1 announced that they are looking for dudes who are willing to put their genitals in danger for “Daisy of Love.” A better title would have been “Who Wants An STD?”

The show will follow Daisy as she sucks, fucks, licks and eats through a group of dudes to find “the one“:

Millions tuned in to see Rock Of Love 2 runner-up Daisy De La Hoya get her all-access pass to Bret Michaels’ heart denied. Now after being jilted by her supposed Rock of Love, Daisy, is determined to find her one man who will rock her world. Daisy is on a quest for true love and this time she is giving her fans the chance to vie for her love and vote to help determine which contestant makes the cut for VH1’s Daisy of Love Premiering Spring 2009.

Beginning this week, VH1 is giving viewers an opportunity to submit themselves for consideration for the first season of Daisy Of Love. Online users can log on to VH1’s new Daisy Of Love dedicated site at daisyoflovecasting.com. The site will serve as the ultimate spot for fans of the show. Viewers can upload profiles for consideration and vote for their favorite potential candidates. Casting submissions must include an uploaded profile with videos, photos and blog entries. Deadlines for first round submissions are November 14. For more information visit daisyoflovecasting.com.

Heather was ROBBED! If anybody deserves their own show, it’s Heather. Daisy Duck and her salty slug lips belong on a strip club stage during the morning-shift, not on their own Vh1 show.

Actually, scratch that. Heather doesn’t deserve her own show either. You know who does? The 105-year-old virgin! Vh1 needs to give Clara Meadmore her own reality show.

“I plan to let Hugh Hefner pop my cherry and she’s going to let him pop her Adams apple.” – The Hoople

Runners-up:

The Army’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is really working out well. – _fail_

Oh I get it! That’s Pamela Anderson and the love child she had with Milton Berle! – HairyPotHeadFan

Let me introduce my sisters Ditzi and Mitzi.
Ditzi’s hobbies include plastic surgery and teeth whitening while Mitzi spends most of her time chasing parked cars. – Loozer

(Note from Michael K: Yes, she’s baaaaaack!)

Clara Meadmore – And you thought your genitals were starting to get cobwebby. Well, Clara turns 105-year-old this weekend and she’s never done sexy times! She is Britain’s oldest virgin.

Clara told The Sun, “People have asked whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no. I have just never been interested in or fancied having sex. I’ve never had a boyfriend – I’ve never been bothered about relationships. When I was a girl you only had sex with your husband and I never married. I’ve always had lots of platonic friendships with men but never felt the need to go further than that or marry. I made my mind up at the age of 12 never to marry and I’ve not gone back on that. I grew up in an era where little girls were to be seen and not heard so I had to learn to stand up for myself and earn my own living. Some men don’t like that in a woman and before long I was too old to marry anyway.”

You know she’s totally done it in the dirt star. I kid! She doesn’t need that shit. Clara says she spends her time reading, gardening, walking, cooking, listening to the radio and crying. I made up that last part, because I would probably be crying all day and all night if I never had an orgasm. Orgasms make the world go around.

All of you whores and sluts out there could learn something from Clara! Sex isn’t everything. HAHAHA. I know. That was a good one.

Viva Clara and her pure lady parts!

For Andrew