Ryan Gosling really knows how to wear the fuck out of a t-shirt – Popsugar

R.I.P. CosmoGirl – Jezebel

Sophie Monk used to be poor (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Gis Bundchen works the streets – Hollywood Tuna

Kim Kardassian and her fugly manicure flip flops – Hollywood Rag

Nicole Richie is sooo boring now – Lainey Gossip

Suri looks way better than both of those hags – Just Jared

Eddie Cibrian is taking a shower – Towleroad

Playboy totally turned down Brooke Hogan – IDLYITW

Charlize Theron’s assy bikini pictures – Egotastic!

Boobs on a bull – Cityrag

And now it’s that time of the day to check in with the my favorite basement baby!

Our very own Hot Slut of the Week recipient Solange Knowles poked her head out of the basement door and told Glamour Magazine just what she thinks about my comments on this here gutter blog:

“Sometimes the stories I hear about myself are not worth a fight. I’ve heard about this blog that always jokes about Beyonce keeping me locked in the basement. That’s so ridiculous it doesn’t bother me. This blog also writes about other things, like they pick different celebrities to be the Hot Slut of the Day. Now, this is the kind of stuff that comes with the territory of fame – and I’ll take the Hot Slut award. Just don’t call me the anti-Beyonce.”

It’s okay, Solange. Your secret about the basement is safe with me. And I would never fight with you. I will always love you even though you smell like moth balls.

A while ago, Aretha Franklin must have not reached her daily 10,000 calorie intake, because she made a grouchy statement about Tina Turner. While performing at the Grammys, Beyonce introduced Tina as “The Queen.” Aretha released some statement saying she was offended by this, because she’s always been known as the “Queen of Soul.”

It took a little while for Tina to respond, but she finally did:

“Aretha has always been like that. We’ve always accepted that from her. She’s the queen of soul, and I’m the queen of rock ‘n’ roll. There were so many kings and queens there that night. Her ego must be so big to think she was the only one. That’s how queens are!”

Well, if her ego is in a third of the size of one of her chichis then it’s pretty big.

Aretha put down the bowl of cake batter, moved her extra roly poly chin out of the way and responded to Tina’s response to USA Today. Everybody move out of the way!

“I have always appreciated what Tina Turner has to offer and had quietly cheered her on after Ike and her subsequent success. However, with respect to her statement concerning my ego clearly she was talking about herself as she described herself as the ‘Queen of Rock’ and saying ‘that’s what Queens do’ — particularly since she does not have a clue as to who I am in view of the fact that we have never met.

I never figured her to resort to tacky press just to sell a few tickets. I understand and I know that the concert market is down where ticket sales are concerned. I really had put her in a different class — higher than that.

Finally, no one has been more gracious or complimentary to their peers than I have and I am confident and secure enough to do so, unlike some others. I wish Ms. Turner all the best, as I always have. Perhaps one day we will meet.”

I hope Tina can run fast, because Aretha is coming for her. It would only take one blow from Aretha’s chichi mounds to lay Tina out. I’m sorry, but I’m Team Mega Chichis. You do not make Aretha angry. She could make you disappear faster than Houdini. I mean, all she has to do is sit and POOF! You’re gone!

When I hear the words “gang rape,” the very last thing I think about is “Austin Powers.” The very VERY last thing. Well, Random “Shoe Thrower” Task from the first “Austin Powers” movie was arrested and charged with gang rape. This just ruined “Austin Powers” for me.

TMZ reports that Random Task (real name: Joe Son) was arrested for felony vandalism this past May and he had to give a DNA sample. Joe’s DNA matched a sample from an unsolved 1990 gang rape. TMZ has the gory details of the rape.

Joe was charged with a ton of dark-sided shit including five felony counts of rape, two felony counts of forcible sodomy, two felony counts of sodomy in concert by force, seven felony counts of forcible oral copulation, and one felony count of sexual penetration by foreign object by force. Wasn’t that a pretty read?

Dr. Evil’s fat ass henchman faces 275 years to life in the chokey if he’s convinced of all charges. There’s a chance he could live past 275. They should add a few hundred years just in case.

In addition to being a gang rapist and shoe thrower, Joe is also a UFC fighter. Below is a clip from 1994 of Joe getting punched in the nuts. The other dude obviously should have punched harder.

La Pequeña has returned to us! I was beginning to think she fell down the toilet or was eaten by a house cat or something. Thankfully, none of those things happened, so she was able to give us this amazing video. La Pequena Hillary Clinton is back and this time she’s pissed at America for not giving her the nomination! She’s so fucking angry that she’s turned into La Pequeña Hillary Hulk! She’s like a cute, tiny, grouchy pickle person!

This is what the real Hillary probably looks like when she tries to pass a butt nugget. Or when Bill touches her private area.

Make sure you watch the whole thing, because Machine makes an appearance at the end. He picks up La Pequeña Hillary Hulk and holds on to her lil’ Henery Hawk chest. It’s intimate and a made me feel a little uncomfortable.

Thanks Emily

James Franco’s face is absolutely perfect….according to some machine – Mollygood

Avril Lavigne’s husband realized he’s married to an annoying bitch – Celebitchy

Not busting nuts is fucking with David Duchovny’s fashion sense – ICYDK

Nathan Fillion nails some chick – Popoholic

Paula Deen is a hot stick of butter – I’m Not Obsessed

Spider-Man the Musical is going to be a HUGE waste of a lot of money – Holy Moly!

Wonky McValtrex looking extra disgusting – A Socialite’s Life