I was waiting for international supermodel Phoebe Price to make an appearance to the famewhores celebrities-only pumpkin patch in West Hollywood, CA. The owners of the patch probably paid PP’s regular fee of a $50 gift certificate to The Ivy to come to their establishment and pose with the pumpkins. Chicken Cutlets is the grand dame of posing with inanimate objects. She can make two ordinary pumpkins look like they just sashayed off the runways of Paris. When PP touches them, they suddenly become works of art. Wait. Those are pumpkins and not her chichi balls, right? Because her titties might be the same color. Just making sure that I don’t need to put NSFW bars over them.

Below are a few more pictures of Chicken Cutlets with her dog Henry. Just so you know, I’m going to try and recreate her extremely expensive shirt tonight using old puffy paint pens and magic markers.

Lisa Marie Presley ejected twin girls out of her body on Friday night and now we know their names. Star Magazine claims Lisa and her Tommy Petty-wannabe husband have named their bundles of joy Harper and Finley.

Okay, what’s with celebrities giving their babies talking animal names? Julia Roberts set the trend by naming hers Phinnaeus and Hazel. Minnie Driver continued that fuckery by naming her kid Henry Story. And now Lisa Marie and her goofy ass husband have named theirs Harper and Finley. The next celebwhore to pop should keep it going by naming their baby Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle, Jemima Puddle-Duck or Squirrel Nutkin.

Well, at least when Harper, Finley, Phinnaeus, Hazel and Henry Story get older, they can form a band like the fucking Brementown Musicians. Either that or they can all move to a village in the forest together where they’ll work as old-timey cobblers and milliners.

Last night, I was busy doing hood rat stuff and being gross when I checked my e-mail and found that a few of you whores had written me with the subject: FIGHTING CHOLAS ON AMAZING RACE. I immediately turned on the TV and expected to see those Amazing Race hobags in a Sharpie fight with some gorgeous chola beauties named Smiley Girl or Baby Gigglez. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

They had to fight with wrestling cholas from Bolivia! They were still hot, but all natural and shit. There’s a difference. It was still entertaining, but I was a little disappointed that Tina (below) didn’t do the challenge. I mean, if you dye her hair dark burgundy and trace her no-brows with a Sharpie, she’ll kind of look like one. Her chola name can be La Bitch Face.

Hugh Jackman turned 40 yesterday and he celebrated by giving a bunch sunbathers in Sydney the gift of his body. You know that when Hugh got into the water, everybody had to run out and head to the bathroom because their crotches were about to explode. It was like a panty pudding fountain. Shit. You better check your own panty situation. It’s probably covered in clitty litter. Mine is a lost cause. It’s going right into the “burn pile.”

There has to be something wrong with his ass. His dick must be all sorts of disappointing. I bet he suffers from cashew dick. It’s probably small, curved and salty. Yeah, because I can’t believe that his body is that perfect.

Hugh’s Mrs. Claus-looking wife must have been some kind of saint in a past life to nab such a piece of hotness. If I was married to him, I would never leave his side. Ever. And if some slick bitch looked at him with lusty eyes, I’d shoot that ho. No joke.

Here’s Hugh making genitals burst at the beach yesterday and out with his wifey the other night.

Birthday: October 10, 1903
Age: 105!!! (Larry King is still older)
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: October 10, 2008
Claim to Fame: She’s the 105-year-old virgin and she’s gorgeous! Clara says the secret to her long life is attributed to the fact that she’s never given up the granny panty.

Where is she now? Jacking it in the nursing home bathroom. No! Clara is basking in the glory of being 105 and pure “down there.” Clara celebrated her birthday with a glass of wine on Friday at the Perran Bay nursing home in Cornwall.

Why is she HS of the Week? I praise so many shameless whores on this site, that I felt it was time put a virgin on a pedestal. Clara proves that you can still be a hot slut without being…well…a slut.