Saint Angie’s Child Army Is Not Complete

/ October 16, 2008

Saint Angie Jo was on “Today” this morning to whore out that “Changeling” movie-thing and conversation quickly turned to her ten million babies. Saint Angie even said that the other kids are never surprised when they bring another one (or two) home. I can picture Captain Maddox rolling his eyes and saying, “Fine, but I’m putting them knife cleaning duty. Shiloh, you’ve just been promoted to the gun-loading shift.

Matt Lauer also asked Saint Angie if they were planning to add new members to their holy child army. She kind of gave a smug nod and said “Yeah.” She went on to say that they would wait at least a few more months before handing over the winning lottery ticket to another baby. “You can’t even start the process until any new children are six months old, to understand how the new family has settled.

Great. All Brangaloonies should immediately be put on suicide watch. You just know they are going to jump off the nearest bridge hoping they will be reincarnated as a third world orphan for Brangelina to adopt.

Above is the entire clip of the blessed wax figure’s interview from this morning. The personal shit is past the 6-minute mark. I’m disappointed with the hardcore Brangaloonies out there. Why weren’t they in the background, fainting and throwing themselves at the window? For shame. They should punish themselves by watching the entire first season of “Friends.”

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Cook’s Cock On Tape

/ October 16, 2008

We already know that Peter Cook loves jacking it on webcam to his cyber fuck buddies, so it’s no surprise that there’s a sex tape out there starring him. Page Six reports that they’ve seen stills of Cook’s sex tape with his ex-teen mistress Diana Bianchi.

The stills show Diana stripping for Peter while he hand hugs his weenus. In other still, Peter rests his head on Diana’s ass pillow. There’s also pictures of Diana and Peter doing it on the brown love seat in his office. It was smart of him to purchase the brown love seat. It hides the skidmark stains.

Cook reportedly made the tape without Diana knowing about it. Diana’s lawyer said that they are considering suing Cook over the tape.

Christie Brinkley’s lawyer claims they know nothing about it, “Nothing about Peter Cook’s behavior shocks us. We don’t know anything about this tape. We never saw it and we never heard about it. Christie’s concern is for the sake of her children and she hopes this video is kept private.”

So who’s shopping Cook’s sex tape? It could be Cook. Now that he isn’t relevant anymore, he probably thought he’d whip out (put intended) the good shit. It could also be Diana. Bitch wants to get paid AGAIN! If Christie knew about the tape, she would dropped it during the divorce trial. My pennies are on Billy Joel. When in doubt, blame BJ.

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Can’t We Handle This Like Adults?

/ October 16, 2008

No, let’s not handle it like adults. Let’s get dirty. Fucking filthy. I’ll pop the popcorn.

Methinks Vadge agrees with me. Before performing her song “Miles Away” in Boston last night, she told the audience, “This song is for the emotionally retarded. Maybe you know some people who fall into that category. I know I do.” I know you are, Vadge! But what am I? Only the spirit of Pee Wee Herman laughed at that one.

Vadge previously said the song was inspired by Guy Ritchie. Everyone’s probably turning nothing into something. We know how self-centered this bitch is. She was probably dedicating it to herself. Click here to see some grainy video of her saying that shit last night. Turn down your speakers. It’s loud as fuck.

Guy might be getting the last cackle, because apparently the two didn’t sign a pre-nup. I would think Vadge got the pre-nup tattooed to her rock hard pussy lips.

Guy stands to take home $200 million when everything is said and done. Hey, that’s a small price to pay for taking someone’s nuts.

The NYDN claims Guy wants a huge chunk of their $521 million fortune, but The Sun claims Guy is worth $60 million himself and doesn’t want a penny from Vadge.

There’s also a couple of reports that Vadge has hired Paul McCartney’s lawyer Fiona Shackleton to represent her in the divorce.

Guy, wrestle away your nuts from Vadge’s roided-up vagina and get that money! It’s fucking pay day and you better collect. Oh and don’t forget to pour a glass of water on Fiona’s head during court. You must keep the “Heather Mills tradition” going.

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Billy Goat In The Middle

/ October 16, 2008

Tea Leoni and David Duchovny announced they were separating and I figured it has everything to do with him sticking his wang in any available slot. The Daily Mail claims that isn’t so. According to them, David quit that bitch when he found sexy text messages between Tea and Billy Goat Thornton. Ew and gross. Sexy texts? What the fuck did Billy Goat write to her? “i wanna DO U so hrd n wear yr blood ina vial arnd my neck O yeh bb.”

After reading the texts, David found out that Tea had some sort of relationship with Billy Goat. Billy isn’t exactly single himself. He has a 4-year-old daughter with his current girlfriend.

Tea and Billy Goat met while filming some shit called “Manure.” How fitting. Soon after, Tea was seen hanging around his band’s gigs. One friend said, “She even helps him load and unload his truck.” Billy Goat is into getting ass fucked by a strap-on?! Well, what do you know.

I understand that Tea needed to get her coochie rotated while David while was out whoring around, but Billy Goat Thornton?! His peen has already been tainted by Saint Angelina’s voodoo vagina. There has to be better dick. Tea should ask David where she can get some hot and quick ass, I’m sure he knows where to go.

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