Turn to the right, Stepford Katie! Look at the girl you used to be. The girl who had apple pie in her eyes instead of barley water. Sigh. Katie can’t see it. Even if she did turn, she doesn’t see Joey Potter, she just sees Tommy Girl dancing around in his chonies and platform sneakers. He’s programmed that in her. Oh well. I give the autograph hunter a gold star for trying.

Last night was the opening night for Stepford Katie’s Broadway debut in “All My Sons.” For fucking real. This shit has barely opened officially. I feel like it’s been playing for centuries. It got mixed reviews and USA Today said Katie’s performance is “one-note.” What do they expect? She’s a robot! She can’t help it. Damn.

As expected, the anti-Scientology group Anonymous were there in masks to protest the alien crazies. The police pushed them down the street to keep them away from Tommy Girl and Stepford Katie, but their shouting could still be heard from the red carpet.

Here’s a few pictures of 50-year-old Katie and Tommy last night. That old lady genie outfit thing is her own design. That pretty much explains the whole thing. “Project Run-KATIE-RUN!!” Tommy has the same outfit in hot pink.

I’m sure that there are times when you’re sucking the 10th dick of the day and you’re getting major lock jaw, you think to yourself, “Why am I taking loads to the face to pay my rent? Is it worth it?” Well, sometimes it is worth it. Just ask porn star Sasha Grey. Steven Soderbergh has just plucked her out of the fuck film business and cast her as the lead in his feature film “The Girlfriend Experience.”

The low-budget movie is shooting in NYC right now. Sasha will have to really stretch her skills to play a high-priced call girl.

20-year-old Sasha has only been in the porn game for 2 years, but in that time, she has been called the next “Jenna Jameson” and won an AVN award for female performer of the year. In addition to doing sexy times on camera, she’s also done some modeling, a few music videos and small roles in indie films.

Her past porn film work includes such amazing titles as: Swallow My Squirt 4, Gang Bang My Face, Cum Fart Cocktails 5 and Grand Theft Anal 11. Sounds like a regular Saturday night for me.

I’ve always had a special place in my non-heart for porn stars, so this makes me happy. Sasha has fucked her way to the top, but at least she’s admitting it. You hear that, Cruella de Stone?!

And Sasha openly talks about enemas and jizz swallowing on YouTube! You don’t see Saint Angelina talking about these important issues! This is the shit I want to hear. Click here to see a few NSFW pictures of Sasha’s fur pie and bare titties. She’s so American Apparely.

It’s Friday, so let’s start the party early by watching bitches fall!

Katy Perry performed the song that has permanently lived inside my head for a while now (it is ignoring my eviction notices) at the MTV Latin Awards last night and ended her performance by jumping into a delicious cake. When she tried to walked off the stage, she kept slipping and falling. Katy’s ass kissed the floor and she liked it. Sorry.

The truth is, I’m only posting Katy’s video, so that I can post that hot bitch Scarlet AGAIN. This is how you fall! I have watched this shit at least 200 times and memorized everything in that room. I hope she changes that ceiling tile. It’s really bothering me.

Some lovely soul edited “Scarlet Takes A Tumble” down to 48 glorious seconds. “Maybe we can be together…..” Do you think she was serenading the floor? Because they ended up together in the end.

Katy video VIA ONTD

Obama wins. When the moderator said ‘walk like a zombie’ McCain did not say ‘Simon Says’. – Loozer

Runners-up:

Apparently McCain was trying to reach across party lines and his shock collar went off… – lotusblossom

Shit! My colostomy bag just burst. – DUDE

Joe the Plumber! – The star and “winner” of the final presidential debate. According to a few reports, Joe’s real name isn’t Joe. It’s Samuel. He’s not really a licensed plumber. He isn’t from Ohio. He’s lived in Arizona and Alaska. But does all that really matter?

And does he know this Joe Sixpack dude?

For Candy

Eminem (36)
Gemma Atkinson (24)
Nick Cannon (28)
Wyclef Jean (36)
Chris Kirkpatrick (37)
Ziggy Marley (40)
Norm MacDonald (45)
Mike Judge (46)
Rob Marshall (48)
Alan Jackson (50)
Margot Kidder (60)
George Wendt (60)
Michael McKean (61)
Cameron Mackintosh (62)