Travis Barker checked out of the Grossman Burn Center in Los Angeles today. He was transferred there from the Burn Center in Georgia. He’s now hanging out at home and recovering from the burns he received in the plane crash last month.

Before he bounced out of the hospital, Travis posted some pictures on his own MySpace. He gave thank yous to the hospital staff, but gave a “fuck you” to hospital life. He obviously didn’t have the Jello. It’s all about hospital Jello.

While Travis was laid up in the hospital, his ex-wife Shanna Moakler was giving an interview to UsWeekly (via MTV) about her near-death experience. Shanna claims she was supposed to be on that plane. Like we didn’t see this coming. Bitch has seen “Final Destination” way too many times.

Famewhoring Shanna said, “I was supposed to go with [Travis] to South Carolina, and at the last minute, I had this gnarly feeling and said, ‘I don’t think we should fly together anymore. God forbid something ever happened … our kids wouldn’t have both parents. Instead of flying a commercial flight back home, they decided to take a private jet. He e-mailed me pictures of the plane and wrote, ‘It’s really small and scary.’ I had a bad feeling, but didn’t want to sound strange, so I said, ‘Be safe.’ ”

Shanna honey, that “gnarly feeling” could have been cured with a little ointment and some Valtrex.

When Shanna was asked why Travis made the comment on his blog about not seeing her since the first week he was in the hospital, she answered, “Trav and I are so crazy. We are off for one week, on the next. I would never abandon anyone in his condition, and I have made sure he had a support system. My feelings are deeply hurt. I wish him a speedy recovery and am thankful he’s alive.”

She forgot to say, “Oh! I couldn’t visit him, because I was too busy preparing my own sob story for this interview! DUH.”

Nikki McKibbin dragged herself out of the dumpster, slapped some Manic Panic on her head and somehow found herself competing in the first season of “American Idol.” Nikki obviously didn’t know she was getting into, because she tells UsWeekly that Simon Cowell’s hot comments fucked with her head which caused her to fill her body with booze and drugs. And by “hot comments” I mean “really mean comments.”

The former stripper said that growing up she never really experienced real criticism, so getting bashed by Simon really got to her. She said, “I had never been told I wasn’t good enough. Having to hear it for so many weeks from Simon Cowell killed me inside. I couldn’t get the shit he had said to me out of my head. It drove me deeper into my depression. I wouldn’t say that this was Simon’s fault. It just added to the addict that I already was.”

While the show was going on, Nikki would find a way to buy vodka and she stored it in the house. She said, “If I wasn’t too exhausted, I’d have one or two drinks.” One or two drinks?! What the hell kind of GD alcoholic was she? I guess most of us need rehab them. I’m sure they’ll teach us that Step 1 is to blame the reality show judge who was meanest to you.

In all seriousness, maybe Simon’s bitchery is to blame for Nikki’s addictions. I mean, it would explain why Paula Abdul is always fucked out of her mind.

30-year-old Nikki is currently sober thanks to Dr. Drew and Celebrity Rehab 2. She is now married to her 39-year-old childhood roller-skating coach. Childhood roller-skating coach?! Is she sure that wasn’t the cause of her boozin’?

I didn’t even know of Carmen Rocha until I read her obit, but she was one of the most important women in my life. Without her, I would be starving in the gutter. You see, Carmen is responsible for bringing nachos to Los Angeles and into my heart (and gut)!

Carmen worked as a waitress at El Cholo Mexican restaurant for almost 40 years. For special customers, Carmen made them a recipe she learned in San Antonio. She would layer tortillas with shredded cheese and jalapenos, warming it in the oven. Soon, customers in the know started requesting Carmen’s dish. It was later put on the menu.

Carmen passed away in Los Angeles on October 9th. She was 77 and she was a beautiful gourmet saint.

Nachos are pure perfection. It’s one meal in one dish. Most of the time, you don’t even need a fork. You just shovel cheese covered chips into your mouthhole. When you’re done, you just throw that shit in the trash and wash it down with a giant margarita. Nachos are especially delicious when you’re either stoned or wasted.

If you don’t love nachos, then you need to pack your things into one suitcase and join the mole people in the mountains.

We must all honor Carmen’s memory tonight by devouring the biggest plate of nachos we can find.

Rest in peace, Carmen…. I’m sure heaven is just one big plate of nachos.

Source

Thanks Amy

It was the horsey’s fault!!! The collapse of Vadge’s marriage has been blamed on one of Heidi Montag’s relatives. Sort of. A friend of Vadge’s tells The Sun that her marriage started to turn into diarrhea after she fell off of a horse in 2005. Vadge broke bones and shit, but Guy didn’t seem to care.

Vadge was put in the hospital and said it was one of the most painful experiences of her life. Even more painful than “Shanghai Surprise“? Damn. The experience was extra shitty because her husband didn’t show her any kind of compassion.

Vadge’s friend said, “Madonna was in a huge amount of pain and expected Guy to drop everything to be at her bedside. In her mind that is what every husband should do to support his wife when she has been through a traumatic, possibly life-threatening, experience. But Guy approached the whole thing in what she now calls, ‘A very British way’. Instead of smothering her with sympathy he said, ‘Come on darling, you’re a tough bird. You’ll be back on the horse in no time’. Guy’s approach was that a few broken bones is no big deal – and that there was no point in making a drama out of a crisis. But in Madonna’s mind, she could have been killed, and she wanted the full works and to be lavished with love and attention.”

Vadge told friends that Guy must not be her soulmate. She also vowed to never date British dudes again because they are “emotionally-stunted.” This coming from a bitch who probably can’t even produce tears.

This whole story sounds a little weird to me. I would think Vadge would be the complete opposite. I see her as the type who wants to be left alone when they’re sick. I’m like that when I’m ill. When people try and take care of me, I snot on their hands or tell them to go play on the freeway. I want to wallow in my own grossness by myself.

Guy probably didn’t give a horse’s taint, because he planned that shit himself! He gave that horse an extra carrot to throw her off. Well, the joke was on Guy. Vadge can never be thrown off her high horse. Never.

I’m beginning to think that Xtina doesn’t have skin anymore. She’s completely made out of bronzer, fake tanner, lipstick and powder. She’s like a walking foundation stick. I think she’s sponsored by MAC. Fuck. I think she’s owned by MAC. Her clit is probably a mini-lipstick. Perfect for those mid-day touch-ups.

She can’t fool me with her veiny titty balls. She probably painted on those veins with eyeliner to make her look human.

Here’s MAC’s #1 friend with Bat Boy in London last night. He’s looking very bat-ish here. He looks like a grouchy monchichi in a tux.

Damn! Elizabeth Hurley is suffocating her chichis – Egotastic!

Jennifer Aniston visited an elementary school yesterday. She probably wanted to buy one of them – Popsugar

The extremely elegant Shauna Sand WITHOUT her exquisite lucite heels. How can she even walk?! (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Kathy Griffin talks about everyone’s least favorite Survivor reject – Towleroad

Lynda Carter looks way fucking better than Courtney Cox – Lainey Gossip

You betcha! Sarah Palin will be on SNL this Saturday – Just Jared

The paps still take pictures of Kristin Cavallari – Hollywood Tuna

Kanye West’s naked party – Hollywood Rag

Serena Williams has an ass that makes panties cry – IDLYITW

One of these will be Aubrey O’Day’s Halloween costume – Cityrag

Here’s a little interview I did with SheWired about gayelles. Read that shit if you want.