Ladies and whores, in one corner we have Florence “Grouchy Granny Panties” Henderson and in the other we have Cloris “Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time” Leachman! Actually, add a few more hating bitches to Florence’s corner. It seems that everyone is getting sick of Cloris’ crazy memaw shtick on DWTS.

Mrs. Brady told Life & Style (via LA Times) that 82-year-old Cloris is an embarrassment to memaws. She said, “I hope the audience doesn’t think all older people act like her. I love Cloris, but sometimes she acts like she’s not all there, or she’s wandering around the ballroom acting silly.”

Florence needs to add a little rum to her Ovaltine. It might lighten her up a bit. Cloris acts like she’s not all there, because she’s not! She’s always on Planet I Don’t Give A Fuck and that makes for some good entertainment!

Florence isn’t alone. The Chicago Sun-Times reports that a bunch of whores working on the show want Cloris to beat it. A source said that Susan Lucci and robot Samantha Harris are both sick of better dancers being sent to the glue factory instead of Cloris.

The source said, ”We thought it would be fun to have Cloris on … and expected her to maybe make it through one or two weeks. But now it’s gone from people being amused — similar to the way it was with Jerry Springer — to being downright concerned.”

Stick your dick in a blender and press pulse. The show is not that serious! It’s a stupid reality show featuring has-beens and never-was-es! They aren’t working on a respectable reality show like “Rock of Love.” They are all just jealous, because Cloris is the star!

That said, they need to settle this on the finale with a…..CAGE FIGHT! Cloris versus all of those ugly ass complainers! She’ll mop the floor with all of them! Of course, she’ll save CHERYL BURKE for last, because her MOP HEAD will get those tough to reach spots.

HoHan was reportedly kicked off of “Ugly Betty,” because America Ferrera thinks she smells and didn’t want to look at her donkey punched face anymore. MSNBC’s The Scoop reports that HoHan doesn’t have a job to fall back on. But she does have SamRo’s vagina to fall back on, so she might not be hurting that bad.

A source says that HoHan doesn’t have any acting roles lined up. She’s working on that album thing, but that’s it. The source who probably has been huffing some good shit said, “It’s over for Lindsay. She’s got no film work, after this (‘Ugly Betty’ news) she’s not going to land TV jobs; I hear she’s tried to get on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and can’t.”

No. No. No. HoHan can’t get on “Dancing with the Has-Beens,” but the stoop sale of whores Kim Kardashian can? I refuse to believe this. This source person got their info mixed up. HoHan was trying to get ON all the castmembers of “Dancing with the Has-Beens.” She doesn’t want to be on the show, she wants to be on the dancers, but they aren’t into that shit. Even Cloris won’t hit that mess.

The source went on to say, “Every project she’s had has fallen through. She’s not even filling up her time with independent films, which is usually the strategy when work gets slow. She’s a good actress, she’s just stuck right now.”

She’s not filling up her time with indie films, because she’s too busy filling herself up with vag barf.

Speaking of vag barf, I’ve experimented with lady parts in my younger years (junior high school), but I don’t think I ever tasted vagina juices before, so I consulted Yahoo Answers to find out what it tastes like. I couldn’t really find the answer, but I came across this gem of a question:

Is it true if i soak a tampon in lemon juice and insert the tampon in my vagina that it will make it tighter?

I don’t think it will make it tighter, but it will make a refreshing beverage known as vaginamade!

Damn. I always knew Jodie Marsh’s vagina had a life of its own, but I didn’t know it could wave and flip off the paps. This fine lady has talents nobody knows about. I’m sure her asshole can tap dance like a motherfucker.

England’s shiniest pearl was making her country proud last night by showing off her ladylike manners. She really should open a charm school, so that all little girls can master the art of class and elegance. She can also teach them about the finer things in life like McDonald’s.

Jodie, who recently “turned lesbian,” recently had an N shaved into the side of her head. She says the N is dedicated to her girlfriend Nina, but I’m not buying that. The health commission passed some kind of law forcing Jodie to do that. The N stands for “No, don’t even think of getting near this skeezer unless you want to catch some dreadful jungle disease.”

Before driving off with her lady love, Jodie told the pappies, “We’re going back to mine for an orgy..no guys allowed!” And I’m sure 200 new STDs were born from that orgy.

Vadge’s last victim, Robert Downey Jr. and some old timey bank robber all went out together in London last night. The three of these scallywags are working on that Sherlock Holmes movie shit together. Guy’s nuts might be growing back, because he was all smiles and held his head up high as they all made their way to a party at the White Cube Gallery. Guy could be all smiley and shit because he’s excited about the open bar he’s about to attack. Open bars cure almost any problem!

If you’ve been shot at by your man, lost your corner on the ho stroll and caught your dog doing wet doody times in your favorite shoes all on the same day….none of that matters if you have an open bar in front of you. It’s a beautiful thing. Some people go to church or the crack house to ease the pain, I find an open bar!

Everyone was smiling at the Fashion Group’s 25th Annual Night of Stars yesterday and trying not to think about the fact that Allegra Versace is the size of one of JLo’s pinky toes. Now, Allegra has had many, many, many, many problems with ze food in the past and it looks like she still does. So what does her mommy Donatella do about it? She puts her in a dress and takes her to a party! To be fair, I don’t think Donatella can see that well, given the fact that her massive swollen roid lips probably block her vision every now and again.

Here’s a few more of JLo, Skele…..I mean…Marc Anthony, Allegra and Donatella last night. I can’t call him Skeletor when he’s standing next to Allegra. He’s a larditor compared to her. And JLo’s still making those “I’m so sexy” faces. They look more like “I’m sooo sweeepy” or “I’m soooo constipatedy” faces.

The little Cheetoling who could brought her youngins’ to the punkin’ yard (that’s how she says it) yesterday for some kind of photo-op. You know, to show us that once again she’s perfectly fine, because non-crazy people can be around giant pumpkins without losing their minds. Although, I doubt she knew those were pumpkins when she first got there.

I bet that when they drove up, Brit Brit’s eyes widened at all the huge balls of Cheetos everywhere. She had to pinch herself. She ran through the patch like…well…like Brit Brit in a Cheeto patch. She screamed, “Look at all these tremenjus balls of Cheetos! Is we in hevvins?!!!” She learned the awful truth when she tried to bite into one. When Brit Brit’s heart breaks, a bag of Cheetos doesn’t make it past the production line.