Does Spanx not make nude color tights? That black shit on Kim KardASSIAN’s legs are not acceptable and Lynda Carter queefs on them! That killed her whole Wonder Whore outfit for me. Well, that and the bottom of her costume looks like a politically themed Depends diaper from the back. I think she also had an invisible plane with her, but her ass gobbled it up.

My arch rival CHERYL BURKE disappoints me. This was her chance to dress as a slutty wet vac or a slutty Swiffer, but she chooses this busted crap instead?! Is she some kind of slutty army mop?

Here’s a few more pictures of Kim and CHERYL BURKE celebrating Whoreoween last night with Kim’s mommy. I think she’s dressed as a horny and menopausal Soviet soldier with a sweaty pit problem.

I expected Mimi to dress up for Slutoween as a slutty rainbow, a slutty Hello Kitty, a slutty unicorn friend or a slutty butterfly, but not a slutty jar of cookies! Her imagination knows no bounds. I’m glad she kept her jumbo oatmeal-raisin cookie covered, though. And what’s a slutty jar of cookies without a carton of douche milk! Mimi’s cookie gets dry, so it’s a good think her manchild’s curdled milk is always close by. I apologize for that visual.

One slutty costume wasn’t enough for Mimi, so she also dressed up as Firefighter HO. She’s ready to fight the fire in your pants with her squirting… Okay, I won’t go there. The cookie and curdled milk visual was enough Mimi grossness for the day.

And while Mimi dressed as a slutty jar of cookies and a slutty firefighter, I think her eyes came dressed as tattered spiders making their way off the short bus.

Now that I think about it…. Mimi probably didn’t even know it was Halloween. This is the shit she wears all day, every day.

Nicole Kidman was somehow able to open up her mouth and given an interview to Parade Magazine about everything from her precious pillow baby to how she doesn’t consider herself a vain person. Basically, the bitch told a bunch of lies. I would say that her nose probably grew during the conversation, but you know that shit doesn’t move. It’s totally made of Botox.

Nicky on Sunday Roast: “I’m raw and emotional. I cry even thinking of her. But they are tears of joy. Because I suppose I never thought I would get to have it. To have been given it so late in life—I’m so ready for it. And I think giving birth to a child, as a woman, is what we’re born to do. I don’t mean that to sound sexist, because many women don’t get to do it, and I thought I was one of them. But at the same time, if you are given that gift, it’s an extraordinary thing.”

Bitch can only cry tears of glycerin, because there’s no way any liquid can squeeze out of those eyes! Nothing is getting through any of her ducts! The Botox army is making sure of that shit. And when she said Sunday Roast was a gift, she really meant it literally! Sunday came wrapped up in a beautiful box with a gift receipt attached.

Nicky on vanity: “I’m not enamored with youth. There isn’t wisdom in youth. My own sense of vanity is not that strong. I get ready in five minutes. I’m not a mirror person. But I like to look healthy — the youthfulness is in health. It’s very important. Maybe that comes from my mom having breast cancer. I’ve seen people suffer. So my desire to stay agile — I want that! I want to be able to run and walk and hike, and get out there. I love being outdoors and I feel caged if I can’t get out. To see the sun come up — it puts me in a place to go, ‘What a great day.’”

You know that Carly Simon song? Well, it was really written for Nicole Kidman and not Warren Beatty. You know my idol, Vanity the singer? Prince named her in honor of Nicole.

This bitch is full of shit! I mean, full of Botox! If she wasn’t “enamored with youth,” the Botox factory would have to shut the fuck down.

Click here to read the rest of this shit and to see a gallery of how Nicole went from fug to frozen.

Leading whores in Hollyweird are breathing a sigh of relief today after learning that Jessica Simpson’s war epic “Major Movie Star” is going straight to DVD, which means she won’t be a contender for the Best Actress Oscar anymore.

Even though Jessica’s visionary masterpiece was a huge hit in Russia, it won’t be released in theaters in North America. Not even the $1 movie theater off the highway is going to show this caca mess. The shit show will also get a name change. You know, because changing the name makes us forget that Jessica has the acting skills of one of your morning butt nuggets.

“Major Movie Star” will now be known as “Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous” and will be coming to a dusty Dollar Tree cutout bin near you on February 3rd. I didn’t think it was possible, but they made a dumb title even dumber. They should have just changed the name to “SALE 99CENTS,” because it will be covered in discount stickers by the end of the first day.

There’s hope, though! The movie will premiere in theaters in Bulgaria next month! Chestica is becoming The Hoff of Eastern Europe!

Jessica’s last shot at acting “Blonde Ambition” made $1,300 after showing in just 8 theaters in Texas. After that, it went straight to the bins!

Okay, Papa Joe, now that it’s been confirmed that Jessica KILLS movies, can we just set fire to that chapter already? Jessica’s only working brain cell needs to focus on things she’s good at like….um…. err…. um…. errr…. carrying Daisy around?

Source: UsWeekly

The only sexy thing she’d be doing at your house after the dance is mowing the lawn. – El Bastardo

Runners-up:

Katie preparing for her dance cameo on Eli Stone. – moistiest

Give me a moment, I’m a bit rusty. – DUDE

P.S. – And for those of you hos that thought this obvious robot was a real person, click here. DUH.

Thanks Pamboy

Tim Curry as The Grand Wizard from “The Worst Witch” – This shit is a true Halloween classic. Below is The Grand Wizard’s dazzling musical number featuring jaw-dropping special effects!

Happy Hallopeen, whores!!

For Lindsay & Leanne